Illogical
by Haladflire65
Summary: Yukawa has a scarring encounter with the dangerous Sugiyama Kotarou, a man he fails to fully understand. Yukawa finds that this incident has a bigger effect on him than he could have ever imagined. A fic of the Japanese drama, Galileo.
1. Monotony

**Notes: **This is a fic of the Japanese drama _Galileo_, starring Fukuyama Masaharu and Shibasaki Kou. The original drama was quite lighthearted and humorous, and I enjoyed it very much, but as always I've wanted to take it to darker areas, so that's how this fic came to be.

M rating to be safe, mostly for violence and some profanity. This will probably be quite a lot darker than any other Galileo fiction you may have come across before.

**Monotony**

The lab was like a furnace these days, even though it was in the basement. The air was completely still, doing nothing to lower the suffocating temperature of the room. The air conditioner was broken, and the fan seemed to be almost at the end of its life, as well. Even so, Yukawa Manabu had stayed to work late today, instead of retreating into the comfort of his air-conditioned apartment. He normally didn't sweat so much – he preferred heat over the cold – but now, just having a lab coat on was an agony. Creating two layers of clothes on his body did nothing to help him cool down. Yukawa had discarded his waistcoat a while ago; his dress shirt was damp with perspiration, and the lab coat insulated it. But there was not much that could be done.

Yukawa wasn't an individual who let his physical discomforts slow his thinking down, however. Besides, he enjoyed this solitude; no one would tell him off for becoming absorbed in his thoughts, like what frequently happened during university hours. He might as well enjoy the little time he had to himself, he thought, since he had told Kuribayashi to arrive at the lab as early as possible to set up for a lab session. 'Early' by Yukawa's standards meant well before daybreak. None of the students in the room had missed Kuribayashi's horrified expression when he had heard Yukawa's request. He'd probably be going to bed at seven o'clock so that he could get enough sleep and still manage to come to the lab by five a.m.

Yukawa conducted several experiments, taking care so that he wouldn't contaminate any of the equipment and reagents with the moisture that was streaming down his face. He then recorded the data, his fingers flying across the laptop keyboard, matching the speed of the whirring gears of his brain. For a few minutes, Yukawa put on his glasses scrutinized the computer screen, sucking on an ice cream bar that one of his students had left him. It was _much_ too warm for instant coffee… perhaps he could try the stuff cold? With a sigh, he tossed the stick that was left from the ice cream into the garbage, and leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands over his head.

"It was too humid today…" When there was no one else around, Yukawa tended to talk to himself. It helped him clear and organize his thoughts. He would have to do several more trials of this particular experiment for more optimal results, perhaps next month, after the weather had cooled down. Meanwhile, he had no choice but to start a thesis from what he had…

As night fell, the heat of the room became a bit more bearable. For a moment, Yukawa paused and let himself drift off, staring out the window. He sighed again, listening to the sound of crickets chirping outside. He pictured the insects in the grass, rubbing their wings against each other to create the noise, attracting females… Normally, Yukawa wouldn't be thinking about bugs during the middle of his research. He wasn't feeling so simulated these days – life was so mundane, even more so than usual. The research he was being made to do currently failed to interest him. The papers he was to mark were dull and uninspired. Yukawa found himself almost wishing for a thought-provoking new case from the police for him to solve. But Utsumi Kaoru hadn't called him for several weeks now – it seemed like the police were coping well by themselves. Or perhaps there was a lack of crimes in Tokyo all of a sudden… He wouldn't know. But Yukawa did need some sort of exercise for his brain sooner or later, and he knew that this university wasn't going to provide it, if the past was any indicator.

He was feeling drowsy. Yukawa shook his head to clear it and spun around in his chair. Perhaps some coffee would do the trick? He stood, rolling his neck and shoulders to relax them, and went over to the sink. He poured himself some coffee mix into a relatively clean mug and boiled water in the kettle. While waiting, Yukawa checked his watch – only midnight. He added the water when the kettle began to whistle, then stirred. He took a sip from the mug and wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his lab coat. Ah, he already felt better…

Suddenly, the bleeping of a phone shattered the peaceful silence of the lab. Yukawa's brow immediately knitted in annoyance. Who sent text messages at this time of night? In particular, to Yukawa Manabu, who was known for not answering them? He strode to his desk where his mobile sat, picked the thing up and looked at the message. Utsumi Kaoru? Yukawa frowned, but felt a little thrill inside at the same time. A text from Utsumi probably meant a new 'impossible' case.

He punched in her name in his contacts list, and pressed 'call'. She picked up immediately. "Hello?"

"It's Yukawa," he answered. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Oh, Sensei – I didn't mean to wake you– "

"It's fine. I'm still working." Yukawa cut her off. "I – "

"Oh, you are? This late? Are you still in the university?"

"Yes, but I wasn't expecting you to contact me at this time of night, either."

"I thought you'd see the message tomorrow morning at the earliest, so…"

"I'm assuming this isn't horribly urgent, then."

There was a sigh from Utsumi's side. "I guess not, but the faster we can deal with it, the better…"

Yukawa raised his eyebrows. "We?"

Yukawa could almost hear her annoyance and her rolling her eyes, from his end of the phone. "_I'm sorry_, Sensei, but I'm positive that this case will interest you. Besides, I heard things were getting boring for you over in Teito so I thought you'd appreciate something out of the ordinary to do."

_Where did she hear that from?_ "I suppose you could say that." Yukawa chose to keep it short and simple. "So what is this new case you speak of?"

"Do you think I can come over right now? I know it's late, but I think it'll be easier to talk in person – "

"I agree. I'd like to save on my phone bill, as well. I'll be expecting you," Yukawa said promptly, and before Utsumi could reply, snapped his phone shut.

* * *

><p>Utsumi arrived half an hour later. At her first tentative knock on the door, Yukawa answered, "Come in."<p>

She was surprised that the lights weren't on in the lab, other than that of a small lamp on Yukawa's desk. She almost tripped over a stool as she made her way to him. "Sensei, what are you doing with all the lights off, anyways? Like a vampire," Utsumi grumbled. She would have flicked on the lights for dramatic effect but failed to find any near her.

Yukawa turned away from his computer, stood up, and came towards Utsumi with his hand raised. "Now, you're being illogical again, Utsumi-kun – just because I have the lights off, _at night_, for that matter, doesn't imply that I have vampyric tendencies. I merely believe that humans ought to be exposed to an appropriate amount of light and dark each day – "

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Utsumi waved her hand, shaking her head irritably. "I've got to run home soon, Sensei, so I'll just get straight to the point." Saying this, she took some files out of her oversized handbag. Handing one to Yukawa, she continued, "This isn't exactly an official case but I thought it deserves some attention."

"What made you think that?" Yukawa inquired, opening the folder. When his eyes fell on the photo clippings inside, he closed his mouth for a couple of seconds. Utsumi had no desire to see those again – they had sent Yuge to the waste bin even quicker than usual. They were snapshots of brutally mutilated animals, all differing in species and causes of deaths. There were small dogs, cats, birds, squirrels, even rats and possums. Some had been torn up into several pieces; others had been victim to even more unspeakable acts that had made even Jonouchi admit to feeling 'a little queasy'.

It seemed like the pictures had managed to land even the indomitable Yukawa a blow, as well. He studied them for the longest time before looking back up at Utsumi, who had been watching him with tightly compressed lips. Did he seem a little shaken, or was that just her imagination?

At last, he spoke - "So what are the details?"

Utsumi went on to explain that these animal corpses had been turning up in random places in the general Tokyo area – some in the streets, in alleyways, others in parks or in quieter areas of the city – for the past few weeks. At first, the police had turned a blind eye on them but when the number of animal victims continued to rise and rise, it was decided that they would look into it, but not as an official case, since it were not human casualties they were dealing with. But they had no leads at all – the scenes of the crimes, which outwardly appeared to be so messy, actually held no trace of anyone at all. They were extraordinarily well taken care of.

After listening to all this, Yukawa asked, "Then where am I supposed to come in? I don't see any aspect of the case that could possibly relate to physics; as a matter of fact, it seems fairly straightforward to me, if not unusual in the choice of victims. I understand that you're having difficulties locating a suspect but I'm afraid I won't be of help to you there."

"I know that – but Sensei, I have no idea where to start! My resources are limited as well because this isn't going to be a big enough case until we have a human casualty! And I mean, what sort of criminal attacks _animals_ like this?" Utsumi shivered. "What can his motives possibly be?"

"Well, as I always say – "

"Yes, Sensei, I know you're not interested in motives…" Utsumi cut him off wearily.

"Yes. But," Yukawa pushed up his glasses with his forefinger, "looking at this case, the easiest way to go is to assume that the criminal's a sadistic bastard who thoroughly enjoys in engaging in this sort of activity. It's too illogical for me to ever understand, really – why anyone would go through so much trouble for hedonistic purposes – but that would be my guess."

"A sadist… yes, I've considered that." Utsumi murmured. "But why would he leave them on display in public areas like he does? He's just drawing attention to himself... Somehow I think there's something more behind this..."

"Of course, there may be other possibilities." Yukawa shrugged. "As disconcerting this case is, I have no way to help you. Not unless you come back with more data. Even if you do, it probably wouldn't be within my field of work, anyways." He put the file on his desk, went back to his chair and sat, spinning around to face the windows again.

Utsumi just stared at the file. She'd known Yukawa probably wouldn't provide her with much help for this one, but it was worth a try. Besides, it made her feel better to have conversed with him, at least. "… Sensei, can I have some coffee before I go?"

Without turning around, Yukawa replied, "Go ahead. You do look like you've been overworking yourself lately; I advise you to take it slowly."

Going to the coffee mix, Utsumi smiled. "Easy for you to say, Sensei."

"What makes you say that? You're making assumptions…"

For the next few minutes, the only sound in the lab was of Utsumi making and drinking her instant coffee at a lab bench (which, sadly, tasted just as bland as usual), and Yukawa's chair creaking as he rocked gently back and forth on it, still facing the window. The clock read one o' clock. It was quite peaceful in the lab.

* * *

><p>It was one ten a.m. Outside, at the back gates of Teito University, a black van had pulled over, dropping off five figures before driving off again. One of them, a man of medium height wearing a dark jacket, put a clear plastic bag down against the gate. The other four seemed to watch; it was then something seemed to catch the attention of the man who had the bag. He looked towards the university, then made a motion with his hand to his companions. A moment's pause later, they entered the school.<p>

If anyone looked closely, they would be able to see that the bag contained the messy remains of a small, furry animal, its identity unrecognizable in the state it was now in.


	2. Introductions

**Introductions**

Looking up at the starless Tokyo night sky with the evening breeze cooling his face, Yukawa had gotten completely lost in his thoughts. Fifteen minutes had passed when he realized that Utsumi was still sitting at a lab bench, her hands curled around a mug of coffee and head resting on the bench. Was she sleeping? He got up from his chair and went towards her.

"Utsumi-kun. Wake up." He poked at her arm; Yukawa being Yukawa, who detested more contact with other human beings than necessary, didn't particularly want to, but she looked quite deeply asleep. Utsumi turned her head and mumbled something. It sounded suspiciously like "_Five more minutes, Mum_…" Yukawa, sighing, tried again – "_Utsumi-kun_."

"Mhm?" Utsumi lifted her face, blinking her eyes blearily, looking rather disoriented. "Am I late? Did I oversleep?" She scrambled to her feet, fumbling with the coffee mug. Of course, the mug ended up escaping her fingers. Utsumi was finally able to grasp where she was when the mug landed with a loud ting at Yukawa's feet, splashing some of the liquid inside on the polished laboratory floor. "Oh – I'm so sorry, Sensei – "

_Why_ did these things always happen to him? Yukawa took off his glasses for a moment and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, saying, "It's fine. I can clean it up – you should go home and catch some sleep. It's already one thirty in the morning."

"No, I'll do it. It's all my fault, jeez…" Grumbling, Utsumi got some paper towel, bent down and began to mop up the mess. Yukawa was about to follow suit when suddenly, he stopped. Utsumi noticed. For all her clumsiness, she was very sharp – how would she have become a cop otherwise? "Sensei?"

Yukawa held up a hand to quiet her, and looked towards the lab door, which, unfortunately, was around the corner and not in sight. "Do you hear that?" He asked in a low voice.

"Hear what?" Utsumi frowned, and cocked her head, the soggy paper towels forgotten in her hands.

"Footsteps." They were faint, either coming from far down the hall – or the people making them were making an effort to quiet themselves. The way the sounds echoed and jumbled with each other, Yukawa could tell that there was more than one of them – perhaps four or five. It wasn't the custodian, apparently.

"So?" Utsumi knew that if Yukawa was bothering to point this out, it was important. Not necessarily a good thing…

"People don't normally prowl around the physics department at one in the morning – nor any other building in Teito, for the matter. It could have been the custodian, but there're more than one of them…"

Utsumi put down the paper towels and looked to Yukawa. "I can go take a look, Sensei – I have my firearm."

"No." He said almost before she finished speaking.

"If anything happens, you can call the police. I'll be fine!" Utsumi countered with a glare.

"I don't think this is a good idea – these people may not be as friendly as some of the criminals we've dealt with before. It's dark. There's no one on the campus save for the security guard who's at the front gates, who I doubt is watching the CCTV. It could be wiser to call the police now – "

"Sensei! Kusanagi-san would murder me if this was a false alarm – besides, how could you be so sure about this?"

"What makes you so sure that you can take on whoever that is out there, if they have violent intentions?"

"_If_ they have violent intentions." Utsumi said irritably. "Well – this is a part of my job! I'm a police detective and you're still just a civilian, so I have every right to go assess the situation while you stay put – and safe – here!"

Instead of arguing back directly, Yukawa murmured, "Teito normally doesn't have break-ins, that's why the security is so loose… there's nothing a criminal would want in this university… unless…"

The annoyance immediately drained from her, replaced by anxiety. "Unless what?"

"No, never mind," Yukawa shook his head. He sighed again. "If you're not going to let me stop you…"

"You very well know how pigheaded I am." Utsumi said with a touch of triumph, and took her pistol out of her holster.

"Shouldn't you leave your handbag, at least?" Yukawa asked skeptically.

Utsumi grinned at the question. "It's useful to hit people with – apparently it's pretty painful, especially when it's so full. I'm not that great with guns anyways."

Yukawa opened his mouth and was about to say something but shut it again. He watched her make her way to the door in silence, and felt strangely nervous when she disappeared around the corner. And then a thought struck him. Why hadn't he noticed how he could no longer hear anyone walking down the hall? Yukawa was about to shout a warning to Utsumi when he heard the door creak open –

And then the sudden rushing of heavy footsteps pierced the thick silence, followed by a scream – unmistakably Utsumi's – that was just as abruptly silenced, following a _thump_ and a grunting noise. Yukawa, his heart suddenly beating so hard against his ribcage – like it never had before – lurched through the lab benches, covering the distance to the door in a matter of seconds. Then, again, he cursed his stupid brain for not functioning as quickly as he needed it to. It was so stupid, so stupid of him, to rush into a situation like this. This was such an obvious set-up to trap somebody – him.

He ran right into a muscled wall of a person. Or perhaps, he was run into. Either way, this was bad. Yukawa thought he heard Utsumi's voice as he tried to orient himself again, but almost immediately, he was grabbed by the collar and slammed quite painfully against a nearby bookshelf. His hands, however, shot out of their own accord and took hold of his assailant in an expert judo hold. Yukawa pulled away from the bookshelf as best as he could, pivoted so that he was no longer face-to-face with his assailant – and then put all the strength he could into his arms. The other man roared as he went flipping over his back and straight to the floor. Yukawa's eyes went frantically searching for Utsumi, and he thought he saw so many hostile figures before him in the dimly lit lab – _why_ was it so dark –

There was someone behind him.

"Associate Professor Yukawa Manabu, I presume?"

It was the well-controlled and pleasant voice of a typical Tokyo dweller who had lost any previous accent he may have had. It came from right next to Yukawa's ear, uncomfortably close to it. Yukawa, hardly daring to breathe, turned his head.

A man was standing less than a foot away from him, half-shrouded by the shadows. "My name is Sugiyama Kotarou – glad to meet you."

"What do you want?" Yukawa was amazed at how steady his own voice was.

He thought he saw the man called Sugiyama make a movement with his hand. Immediately, someone had grabbed Yukawa around the neck from behind, and then –

Suddenly, Sugiyama was even closer, pressed right against him, in fact; their noses were nearly touching. He caught a glimpse of the shadowed face and its shining eyes, the mad grin. There was an odd sensation in his abdomen. Something cold, very cold… Yukawa tried to take a breath but it hitched in his throat, even as the grip around his neck loosened. He felt queerly weak...

Gradually, Yukawa came to the realization that he had just been impaled by a large knife. That knife was now being pulled out, rather unnecessarily to the side instead of straight the way it had come in. He felt the rushing of the blood leaving him, soaking through the lower part of his shirt in a matter of seconds. The not-so-rhythmic beating of his heart and the strangely loud noise of ripping flesh filled his ears. Sugiyama, or perhaps someone else, seemed to be talking.

Yukawa couldn't quite hear the voice clearly. For a moment, he allowed himself to look down at the slit in his shirt where the knife had pierced it, observing with a morbid, detached curiosity, his brain still not fully comprehending the situation. Then pain came tearing through the adrenaline and shock, assaulting his nerves with vicious force. It was a horrible, savage thing that was beginning to to crush his stomach like a giant fist, utterly blinding and paralyzing.

His legs buckled under him, but he barely noticed the impact of his shoulder hitting the floor. His senses completely overwhelmed, he couldn't even find the strength to scream.

_I've been stabbed._

_Ridiculous. Impossible._

_No, not impossible; it just happened..._

He tried, so hard, to hold onto his desperately floundering thoughts but his efforts were futile. Only one notion remained clear in his mind -

_Utsumi. They're going to get her too._

* * *

><p>Utsumi, from her less-than-optimal view on the floor with a gag in her mouth and two men restraining her, saw the man called Sugiyama shove the knife unhesitatingly into Yukawa's stomach. With desperation, unable to even cry out, Utsumi struggled violently against her captors but it was in vain. After an excruciating moment of stunned stillness, he had hit the floor. He had barely had time to make a sound; she heard nothing more than a gasp from him when the blade entered his flesh, then jerked back out with a sickening rending noise. She could only watch in horror as Sugiyama, a terribly normal-looking man, seemed to enjoy the crimson coating the knife he was examining. He was talking lightheartedly as he did so.<p>

"I would have chosen another way to meet you but I think this will prove to me most effective for the both of us – it'll take little time. But anyways, it's a real honor to see you, Yukawa, I've read so much about you recently."

Utsumi was still staring in numb disbelief. Briefly, his head turned towards her but it didn't seem like his eyes, behind those familiar rimless glasses, were registering anything. His lids were fluttering, almost matching the rapid rise and fall of his chest – the same as how Utsumi's heart was pounding right now. What disturbed Utsumi more than the already copious amount of blood was how the expression on his face was more one of sheer surprise than anything else. There was absolutely no way that even a great mind like his could have seen this coming.

This couldn't be happening. This _wasn't_ happening.

Sugiyama went on, oblivious to the fact that he had no one to converse with at the moment. "You might be wondering why I'm here, now…" Absently, he looked down at Utsumi's handbag, with half of its contents strewn all over the floor. His eyes settled on the case file Utsumi had shown Yukawa earlier. "Mhm, what may this be?" Casually, he picked it up and began to leaf through it. "Very interesting! And what a coincidence, too – I see you've already encountered some of my work, then."

Utsumi's gut twisted even harder than it already had. Yukawa's breathing, now coming in grating gasps, seemed to be the only sound in the world.

_Oh, God help us._


	3. Haze

**Notes: **This was originally intended to be chapter four in the story. However, after a lot of mulling over I decided to omit the original chapter three and go straight to this one instead. There were a lot of reasons for it, such as violence, writer's block, diminishing of impact, etc, etc... so yeah!

And thank you so much for the review, **VesperRegina**! I'm glad you're liking it so far, and know that one of the sole reasons I'm continuing to post this on FF is because of your review ;)

**Haze**

When Yukawa slowly opened his eyes, he found himself looking up at a blindingly bright fluorescent light. He winced, shutting his lids for a moment, then tried again. That was slightly better. Now that he was feeling less disoriented, he was able to pick out some low voices that seemed to be coming from nearby. It was quite quiet, except for an aggravating _beep-beep_ that was ringing near his head. Yukawa wondered what it was, and tried to figure out his whereabouts. His head felt uncharacteristically fuzzy…

An acute pain went flashing through his abdomen when he tried to move. It took his breath away and he fell back with a gasp._ Oh, damn it, ow_... For a moment, he lay perfectly still and focused on breathing more steadily. The side of his face was also stinging dully; putting a hand there he felt a piece of gauze taped down on it. Yukawa quickly came to the conclusion that he was now lying in a hospital bed. The voices would probably be doctors or nurses then, and the beeping a heart rate monitor… How did he end up here?

He waited for the pangs in his gut to subside before attempting to move again. Grimacing, Yukawa tried to sit up. His logic told him that staying still would be most optimal judging by the current situation. However, his natural curiosity – his desire to take in his surroundings and know what was happening around him – was stronger. Yukawa somehow succeeded after several minutes of struggling with the weight of his own body (_why_ did he feel so heavy? _Drugs_, he answered himself). Even this small effort left him quite drained and he also noticed that his pulse had sped up considerably. He couldn't stop a soft groan from escaping him; his stomach hadn't taken kindly to the movement and it was letting him know. He decided to stay put for the time being.

It was a smallish private ward. On the bedside table next to Yukawa were a bunch of flowers, what looked like a small basket of sweets, a stack of get-well cards and a remote control. Across from him, there was a television mounted on the wall. Carefully reaching for the remote, Yukawa found that his right hand was almost entirely encased in a cast to the wrist, with the exception of his thumb and index finger. Frowning, he stared at it for a moment. His other arm had a needle in it, hooked up to an IV drip; the label on the bag told him that it was morphine. He was having trouble recalling how he had gotten here, and why. He just remembered that there had been pain, so much of it. And a single name had stuck in his brain – _Sugiyama_. He tried muttering it to himself under his breath. For some reason, it seemed to taste of blood.

Absently, Yukawa took the remote between his thumb and index finger, then turned the television on. Just as he predicted, a nurse came into the room barely thirty seconds later.

It was a rather short young woman. She came rushing to Yukawa, and gently but firmly taking the remote from him, said "Yukawa-san! You mustn't overexert yourself – how are you feeling?"

Did his vocal chords work? Yukawa tried to speak. All that emerged was a sort of raspy noise. He tried again; this time his voice obeyed him, although it still sounded rather worse for the wear. "I'm not entirely sure," he answered truthfully, as he knew that his nerves were probably swimming in painkillers right now. Even so, his stomach was aching abominably. He shuddered to think how badly it would hurt if he wasn't being drugged like he was at the moment.

"That's normal; you're probably not feeling very clear-headed right now. Lie back and relax. How's the pain?"

"It's fine." He didn't feel fine but didn't welcome the notion of become a morphine addict. He decided he could take that much.

"Are you sure? Is there anything else you'd like me to get you?" The nurse was busying herself by checking a clipboard that had been on another table, then scribbling something on it.

Couldn't the she tell that he had no desire to speak at the moment? "No, thanks."

"Are you sure? I'm going to excuse myself for a moment so if you need anything, do press the button for assistance." Yukawa lay back again as the nurse left, attempting to collect his thoughts. The noise of the television didn't help, so he turned his attention to it instead. He couldn't see it clearly without his glasses – where were they anyways? After determining that watching television would only make him more nauseous than necessary, Yukawa reached the remote again with some difficulty, and switched it off. Complete silence, apart from the heart rate monitor, greeted him.

Five minutes of being awake, and Yukawa already felt unbearably bored. He touched his chin with his free hand and felt stubble; so it had been a few days at least. Out of curiosity, he took a peek under his hospital gown. Scratchy gauze covered his midsection. He stared hard at it, cursing his memory for failing him. Why couldn't he remember anything? What had happened to him?

Yukawa couldn't have said how much time had passed. An overpowering exhaustion was gripping him and he dozed in and out of consciousness, the drugs making his lids heavy. The throbbing in his stomach would vary in intensity; sometimes it was barely there, and sometimes it was strong enough to make him want to curl up into a ball around the spot. Sometimes, there would be a doctor or nurse in the room with him, their hazy forms hovering around him. Occasionally Yukawa thought he saw familiar figures nearby, but their faces were too indistinct to make out. He caught snatches of phrases and words, uttered in low voices. After a while, everything seemed to blur together.

Feeling more awake, Yukawa glanced at the clock and saw that it was about six o'clock. Judging by the light coming from the window it was in the evening. He felt that his mind was sharper now. It seemed like they were giving him less painkillers. Which meant that, in turn, there was more pain. It was nothing unbearable, as long as he didn't move – just unpleasant; as a matter of fact, it helped him think more clearly. He preferred this to the haziness of earlier.

There were voices outside again, louder this time. Yukawa could make out the words.

The nurse was talking, quite quickly, as if agitated. A man spoke (why did he sound so familiar?), obviously cutting the nurse off, "I'm sorry, I really don't want to give you any trouble, but he's a friend, and I was very worried for him. Can't I just see him for five minutes?"

"I don't think he's awake now, Kusanagi-san; even if he was I can't say that it would do him any good. He's been on heavy medication so he's bound to be out of it when he regains consciousness. There's no way of knowing when that will be. He's only fully woken once and that was two days ago."

_Two days?_ Yukawa thought he heard his friend grumbling something, and decided that he'd had enough of this boredom.

"Kusanagi?" He called out, as loudly as his throat would permit.

There was a moments' silence; Kusanagi came in, completely ignoring the protesting nurse from earlier. His face was lined with tiredness and anxiety; there were dark circles under his eyes, obviously from a lack of sleep. Relief immediately spread across Kusanagi's face when he saw Yukawa, conscious and alert enough to recognize him. "Oi, Yukawa. Nice to have you back."

Yukawa looked at him, then the nurse, who retreated rather sulkily. "Thanks… How long has it been?"

"Long enough. Nearly a week." Kusanagi replied, and handed Yukawa a cup of water, which he accepted gratefully. "We knew you'd pull through – you always recovered quickly, even during our college days. Can you remember what happened?"

"To be honest, no, I can't." Yukawa spoke slowly, after taking a sip of water. "It's all a blur. Except for… Sugiyama."

A short but rather tense silence settled over the pair. Kusanagi said at last, "Can you remember him stabbing you? Anything?" Yukawa made no response; he just furrowed his brow and thought. Kusanagi, seeming to be determined to continue, said, "To make a long story short, on August 26th, Kuribayashi Hiromi came to the 13th Laboratory at five in the morning to prepare for an experiment. He found Utsumi in the corner, tied up and half-asleep from exhaustion, and you – you were just propped up against the wall beside the blackboard, the floor and your clothes covered in blood. We'd thought you were beyond saving by then, since Utsumi said that you were attacked three and a half hours ago, but the paramedics found that the stab wound wasn't bleeding as much as it would've been…"

Yukawa suddenly remembered the hissing Bunsen burner, the metal rod heated, its tip glowing orange. It being held to his abdomen. The sickening smell of flesh, burning... the impossible pain that followed, unlike anything he had ever known. He could recall nothing else from that point on. "Sugiyama. He cauterized it."

"Yeah. They said… they said it would have hurt... a lot..." A sympathetic shiver passed over Kusanagi's face. Yukawa almost laughed at the gross understatement, but refrained from doing so, mostly due to the fact that it would likely cause him more discomfort than necessary. "It saved your life, but the injury was still serious. You gave the surgeons a hard time. You don't even want to know how many stitches you had to get to have the wound sewn up again."

Yukawa didn't hear half of Kusanagi's words. He looked down at his right hand. "Sugiyama… was breaking my fingers." The memory came to him, distant as if it was from a dream. The man, grinning, sitting in front of him and speaking to him softly, as if to a beloved pet dog or cat. Him taking his hand, then a finger, then yanking, hard, to the side –

"Apparently so." Kusanagi's voice was suddenly a growl. "We thought he could have killed you."

"For a while, I thought so too." Yukawa turned to Kusanagi. "But from the beginning, that wasn't his goal… What happened to him?"

"Nothing," Kusanagi sounded bitter. "He got away, far away, way before we started to search for him. As I said, Kuribayashi-san found you almost four hours after the whole thing happened. He and his crew left nothing behind, other than a dead animal in a bag outside the university back gates…"

"Ah." With that, Yukawa found that he'd just been reminded of everything that had happened that night, from Utsumi coming to show him that case file, to passing out right before Sugiyama left, or claimed he would. He recalled the sensation of warm blood spilling from his stomach, the bones of his broken fingers grinding, the tip of the blade being drawn down his temple, slowly…. "… what's my prognosis?"

"Unfortunately, you'll be here for a while, Yukawa." Kusanagi replied. "I know how much you dislike hospitals, but you got yourself hurt pretty badly this time. They told us that it could take up to six weeks for the knife wound to heal. Although it didn't get any major organs, the wound's deep. And the burns around it… The cauterization was done rather messily... so it's probably going to scar." Kusanagi chewed on his lip. "The fingers should take around a month, but it's hard to say when you'll be able to move them freely again. The cut on your face isn't serious but they did warn us about potential scarring there, too. In conclusion, you won't be discharged for another four weeks at least." He took a glance behind him. "I really shouldn't be visiting you right now, because apparently you have a fever on top of all that."

That explained the headache and the chilliness he was feeling. Or perhaps, those were common side effects of being stabbed and tortured... Yukawa sighed, after managing to process everything he'd just heard. "That's… quite grim." He found that his hand had gone to the bandaged spot without him realizing it. Even with his extensive back catalogue of sports-related accidents, Yukawa had never acquired quite so severe an injury, and it almost felt alien. Stuck through the gut with a knife... it wasn't something he'd been expecting to happen to him.

"Definitely. You gave us quite the scare."

Yukawa said wryly, "Sorry if I upset you."

"I forgive you," Kusanagi attempted a smile. Then his expression turned serious again. "I'm not sure about Kaoru though."

"Utsumi." Yukawa looked at Kusanagi, panic briefly fluttering in his chest. The heart rate monitor mirrored it, all too noticeably. "What happened to her? Is she all right?"

"Yeah, she's safe. You don't need to worry; the worst injury she received that night was a bruise that one of the goons probably gave her. But psychologically… she's had quite a shock."

"… that's not surprising."

Kusanagi pulled over a chair and sat down before replying, "She was also pretty guilty about the whole thing."

Yukawa blinked. "Her? Guilty? Why?"

"It might be hard for you to comprehend, Yukawa, but I think it's something that rather resembles survivor's guilt."

"I'm not dead."

"That's why I said that it _resembles_ survivor's guilt." Kusanagi rolled his eyes.

"Well, then, tell her to stop being illogical."

"She said you'd probably say that." Kusanagi sighed. "Look. It's hard to tell her that when she got away unscathed, after watching you suffer like that."

"I'm going to be fine," Yukawa grunted, "It wasn't so bad."

Kusanagi gave a hollow laugh. "Wasn't so bad? Yukawa. She had to listen to you scream for nearly an hour. _After_ getting a knife shoved in you. That monster made her _watch_. _Everything_." He began to sound exasperated. "It was bad. _Really_ bad. They were surprised you even regained consciousness so soon, considering the trauma..."

Yukawa faltered and let his eyes close. He couldn't deny what Kusanagi had said. Without opening them, he said, "She couldn't have possibly done anything without making things worse – tell her that she should stop making her own life more difficult than it probably is."

"The least you can do for her is understand."

"I don't think I can."

"You're always so stubborn. At least try."

Yukawa didn't reply, and laid his head back on his pillow instead. His rather unorganized thoughts seemed to swirl inside his head like a dizzying whirlpool. Finally, he was able to form a coherent question. "Sugiyama… was the one who mutilated the animals, right?"

Kusanagi's lips twisted in disgust. "Yeah."

"He killed them in unimaginably painful ways, didn't he." Yukawa stared at the ceiling. "I remember those photos…"

"What are you trying to say, Yukawa?" Kusanagi asked quietly.

"Why," Yukawa locked eyes with Kusanagi, "didn't he do the same to me?"

"Well, erm," Kusanagi seemed startled by the question. "I thought you said he didn't want to kill you. By the way, how did you know that?"

"He didn't," Yukawa started to nod, then stopped when he found that it made his face hurt. "I guessed that because if he'd wanted to kill me he could have had his thug spear me through the heart or slit my throat from the beginning. He obviously wanted to play."

"He could have tortured you to death."

"No… it was the way he approached me. He was showing restraint. He could have done so much more to me – judging by the photos I saw he knows a thing or two about torture. That's what I was expecting to get." Yukawa had to pause for breath; his throat felt dry and his stomach was throbbing relentlessly. "I don't understand why he did what he did. For example, why did he bother with making a mark on my face that's not even going to be hugely disfiguring? He could have gone so much further if he had wanted."

Kusanagi scratched at his hair, looking disappointed and distinctly nauseated. "To be honest, we were hoping you'd be able to give us some clues, or have some connection to him. Why would he come and find you, nearly kill you then save your life again? It doesn't make sense..."

"He either wasn't planning to take my life from the beginning… or…"

"Or?" Kusanagi pressed.

Yukawa said slowly, "Or something made him change his mind."

"What could have done that?"

"I haven't the slightest clue."

Yukawa and Kusanagi had sunk into a thoughtful silence when the nurse rapped on the doorframe. Her voice carrying the authority of a schoolmaster, she said sternly, "That was well over ten minutes. Out you go, Kusanagi-san. We need to tend to Yukawa-san now."

"I suppose I should get going, then." Kusanagi stood up, pushing the chair back into its place. "I'll tell Kaoru that I've spoken with you. She'll probably come to visit as soon as she can."

Yukawa acknowledged him with a tilt of the head. Which, to his credit, wasn't easy when it was resting on a pillow. "Tell her I'll be looking forward to it."

"I will. Get well soon, Yukawa."


	4. Contact

**Notes: **This chapter came a bit quicker... a bit overlong though. I'm planning to pick up the pace from chapter five and onwards, because poor Yukawa-sensei is going to be bored out of his mind if I don't. Thanks again for the detailed reviews, **VesperRegina**, I'm glad you thought my decisions worked out okay :)

**Contact**

Utsumi didn't come visit as soon as Yukawa would have liked. The first unbearably dull day of being fully conscious passed so slowly. He couldn't have said how he'd passed the time – why did he forget to ask Kusanagi for his glasses, so that he could have at least watched television? Instead, he had to settle with going along with the doctors' and nurses' attempts to make small talk with him. ("What do you do for a living, Yukawa-san?" "I teach physics at a university." "Wow! That must be hard work." "Not particularly." "…oh. I see. Erm… I should go fetch you some more water.") They couldn't have been more uninteresting.

Various thoughts and theories about Sugiyama Kotarou popped in and out of his head but it was so difficult to concentrate on anything. He needed more information to form a proper hypothesis… Kusanagi hadn't contacted him again yet, so Yukawa assumed that there hadn't been any progress in the investigation. It didn't help that he never quite felt completely clear-headed, obviously due to the constant administration of painkillers. In the end, after hours of staring blankly into space, Yukawa asked one of the nurses for a pad of paper and a pen so that he could practice writing with his left hand. Although he was more ambidextrous than most other people – he played badminton with both hands and could eat with his left – writing was still a challenge, and he knew he wanted to get back to work as soon as he was discharged…

Yukawa had just eaten a couple spoonfuls of rice, washed down with miso soup, which he had managed to direct to his mouth on his own. He was ravenously hungry but his stomach wasn't responding positively to that miniscule amount of rice, not surprisingly. He decided not to try eating anything more, in case his stomach happened to reject the food. Yukawa shuddered to imagine what vomiting would feel like in his condition. He looked longingly at the candies on his bedside table, apparently from _some_ of his female students.

The same nurse from the day before, who had introduced herself as Matsuyama, had offered to help him eat, but Yukawa wasn't going to subject himself to the embarrassment of having someone spoon-feed him. After clearing the tray of food away, Matsuyama proceeded to bring in the bundle that Yukawa was already tired of seeing – gauze, antibiotic, a towel, a bowl of water… She then pulled up a stool, sat next to him, and Yukawa reluctantly pulled up his hospital gown.

As much as Yukawa disliked touching other people, he hated being touched far more. Mainly for this reason, he'd been wary of hospitals ever since he was a child. He still remembered spraining his ankle while playing soccer in elementary school and refusing to be taken to a doctor for an entire hour after the injury. Yukawa's trips to hospitals became more frequent after he took up more sports in high school and university, but he still couldn't dispel his dislike for them. Pretty young nurses played no role in his opinion, of course…

No matter how many times he'd had his wound redressed already Yukawa couldn't get used to the process. He stiffened as Matsuyama began to peel back the gauze. She seemed to mistake it as a sign of physical discomfort, and smiled reassuringly at him. "You're healing nicely, Yukawa-san. You'll be out of here in no time."

_Thank God for that_, Yukawa sighed inwardly. He was so tired of all this. He hated being stuck in bed permanently. He hated being woozy from the painkillers all the time. He hated not being able to go out, experiment and investigate. It was so unpleasant to have people hanging around him twenty-four hours a day – it wasn't as if he was going to drop dead all of a sudden –

Yukawa clenched his teeth as Matsuyama dabbed at the still-raw gash. It wasn't very long – only a few inches at the most – starting a bit left of his belly button and ending above the pelvis. However, Yukawa knew how deep it was and how lucky he was to have the knife miss any major organs. Then there was the burned tissue that surrounded the gash, making it seem much bigger than it was.

"Erm… I suppose this isn't a good time to visit?" The voice came from the door, and Yukawa's head immediately turned to it. He recognized the man standing there – it was Kuribayashi Hiromi, with a ridiculously large bunch of flowers in his arms.

"Kuribayashi-san?" Yukawa blinked. Kuribayashi looked like he was going a little pink. Matsuyama looked up from her work. She saw Kuribayashi and looked rather startled, possibly more at the flowers than the man.

She also seemed to see how nervous Kuribayashi was. "Oh – um, hello, sir. Have you come to see Yukawa-san?"

"Yes – if it's inconvenient, you know, I can come back later – " Kuribayashi was looking everywhere but at Yukawa and his half-bandaged abdomen. Yukawa pulled his gown down, and said,

"No, it's fine, Kuribayashi-san. You should come sit down. What is it with those flowers?"

"Oh – it's a get-well gift from the science and engineering department." Kuribayashi came in and put the flowers in the already-stuffed vase that was in the room. "How are you feeling, Sensei?"

Matsuyama swiftly finished with the bandaging and left Yukawa alone with the older man. Yukawa tried to sit up a little straighter as he answered, "I suppose I've been better. But never mind that; is everything fine at the school? Did you manage to find a substitute for my lectures?"

Kuribayashi nodded vigorously. "Of course. A very clever man – a Tokyo University graduate. The students seem to like him."

"That's good. Thank you." After a moment's silence, Yukawa said, "Kusanagi told me it was you who first came to the lab that morning."

"Yes…" Kuribayashi shivered, the satisfied grin wiped from his face. "It was awful. I thought you were going to die, Sensei – so did Murase-kun – "

"Murase?" Yukawa interrupted.

"He was the student to arrive the earliest for the experiment – barely half an hour after myself. He was always the keen one…" Kuribayashi sighed. "They'd already gotten you in the ambulance, but the police had just arrived. It was just before they taped off the lab when Murase came, so he got a good look at the crime scene… there was a lot of blood, Sensei. I'd never seen the poor boy look so distressed, except for that time you failed his paper, of course…"

"… I see."

"Sensei..." the older man hesitated. "Do... do you have any idea why this happened?"

Yukawa shook his head. "No. He said... he said that he'd heard about me before but that was all I gleaned before... before he..." he trailed off, unsure of how to continue. All he recalled from that point on was the knife. He knew Sugiyama must have spoken afterwards, but he hadn't quite been in the state to listen for any clues...

"Yukawa-sensei, are you all right?" Kuribayashi met Yukawa's eyes, and for an uncomfortable moment, Yukawa was tempted to tell him just how confused and disoriented he felt. Instead, he settled for a simple nod.

He decided to change the subject. "Tell me more about the substitute."

Kuribayashi stayed for another fifteen minutes or so, telling Yukawa about the 'clever Tokyo University graduate' and how female students had reacted to the news of Yukawa's 'accident', as he'd put it. Yukawa merely listened and nodded occasionally – it was good to hear from someone from the outside world again. The visit felt too short.

But there was no doubt that Yukawa most wanted to hear from Utsumi Kaoru.

* * *

><p>Utsumi had no trouble finding Yukawa's ward again. It was already her fifth visit there. <em>Only this time, he's awake and doing much better than he was last week<em>, she told herself. The relief had flooded through her entire form when Kusanagi had told her that he had been able to speak with Yukawa that day. For a while, Yukawa had been unstable, so every visit Utsumi made had pitted her against her darkest fears. Nothing could ever match the tension that had enveloped the waiting room during the surgeries. Kusanagi had chosen to pace, almost desperately, while Kuribayashi switched from sitting to standing at a rate that was almost irritating. Utsumi, meanwhile, had managed to surprise herself with how still she could sit, for what felt like an eternity...

She, a policewoman, had been unable to lift a finger to help a civilian in possibly mortal danger. It was her _job_ to do so. The fact that it was Yukawa who was at the center of all this made the already-overpowering grip of guilt unbearable. She still couldn't quite wrap her head around what Sugiyama had done to him. Or _why_. _The criminal must have had some kind of reason behind his actions_, Utsumi thought,_ or it just doesn't make sense. What could Yukawa-sensei possibly have done to deserve something like this?_

She had been convinced that Sugiyama was trying to kill him. Yukawa had finally lost consciousness and gone so still as Sugiyama left. Utsumi could never forget how many times she had whispered his name in a futile attempt to wake him up - until her exhausted mind and body finally gave in and simply shut down. The next thing she knew of the world was Kuribayashi Hiromi's horrified face in front of hers. She had to give him credit; the lab assistant had been remarkably calm, considering what he had discovered in the 13th laboratory that morning. After untying Utsumi, he was quick to call the ambulance and police.

As they were waiting for help, Utsumi had sat next to Yukawa, her fingers entwined with his undamaged ones, already hot with the onslaught of fever. She watched his chest rising and falling unsteadily, with far too much effort. Kuribayashi had been oddly comforting, his hand on her back as she sobbed and retched, her stomach having nothing to bring back up. Barely any words passed between them, both of them numbed by the sheer absurdity of the situation.

He had been in critical condition from shock and the pain he had been forced to endure - and the fact that three hours had passed before Kuribayashi was able to come to aid. It sickened Utsumi further to learn that Sugiyama had indeed saved the physicist's life by cauterizing the wound. He had cut it close, however, quite possibly intentionally - Yukawa had still lost a substantial amount of blood, almost enough to be life-threatening. _Almost_.

They told him that he had made it through the worst of it._ He's okay now. He'll be okay_. Still feeling strangely nervous, Utsumi looked at the door, took a deep breath in, and knocked.

"Who is it?" The familiar voice sounded a bit weaker than usual. She went in.

Yukawa was sitting up. It struck her that despite having nearly died the week before, he probably still looked more attractive than she did in mornings. He had a pen in his left hand; it seemed as though he had just been writing with it on the pad that he was supporting with his encased arm. His face had a much healthier colour than in the previous week – or at least, what was visible of it under the gauze and tousled hair did.

Yukawa put down the pen. He spoke first. "I expected to see you sooner. Thank you for the flowers and card, by the way."

"You're welcome… and I was busy," Utsumi answered. She came over, almost cautiously, as if approaching too quickly would cause this whole scene to melt away and vanish, like a dream. Surprisingly, Yukawa seemed to be able to read her emotions today... He seemed different somehow.

"I'm all right," he said quietly.

Utsumi had to sniffle back the tears that threatened to overflow. "If you weren't in critical condition just last week, I would jump right on your bed and hug you as hard as I possibly could right now. Even if I know how much you'd hate that." She came and sat on the chair next to the bed, still hardly daring to believe that this was actually happening. "Don't scare us like that _ever_ again."

Yukawa peered at her. "Are _you_ all right?"

The complete lack of sarcasm in this question made Utsumi open her mouth. But, instead of replying, she reached into her handbag and drew out another case file, just like the one she'd brought Yukawa that night. He looked at her curiously. Only then he seemed to catch sight of the name written on the tab – _Sugiyama Kotarou_.

"Kusanagi-san didn't want me to bring this to you," Utsumi explained in a low voice, "but I thought you'd be interested, and that it would be necessary for you to see."

Without a word, Yukawa took the file from her and opened it. Before him was the mug shots of the man who had shown up in his laboratory last week. He had barely been able to see Sugiyama's face properly, but he knew that this was the man. Sugiyama had those thin lips, angular jaw, hollow cheeks… and a long scar that ran down the right side of his face. Temple to the middle of the cheek.

"Utsumi-kun. Can you take this off for me?" Yukawa motioned to the gauze on his face.

Utsumi looked at him, startled. "But – why?"

"Just do it." She obeyed, and leaning in, carefully peeled the tape off. The cut underneath made her stomach twist unpleasantly. The feeling just worsened when she realized why Yukawa had wanted her to take the gauze off – she saw that the cut was near identical, both in size and shape, to the one that Sugiyama seemed to have in the photographs. "They're the same, aren't they." Yukawa's voice betrayed no emotion.

She just nodded, unable to look away. "Why…"

Yukawa shook his head wearily. "No idea." He then proceeded to leaf through the rest of the file, which contained information on Sugiyama's earlier life, such as his arrest for, strangely enough, a petty robbery of a neighbour's apartment. It stated that the man had sociopathic tendencies, not surprisingly. Yukawa was frowning like he always did when Utsumi presented him with new information on a case.

Shaking herself, Utsumi said, "Yuge-san and I went to see Sugiyama's mother, Akiko."

"And?" Yukawa looked up.

"She lives in Tokyo, alone. She seemed to be aware of her son and his… issues. She said that she hadn't spoken to him for months – we couldn't get much from her. If you'd like, we can visit her again after you get better… you might be able to find something at her house."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, it was a bit of a mess."

"So just because it was a mess, you think there'll be clues buried there? Truly illogical." Yukawa went back to the file. "But why not."

"I said you _might_ be able to find something." Utsumi feigned annoyance, when in truth she was relieved to see that Yukawa was as grating as ever.

"Mhm." After a few more minutes of reading silently, Yukawa closed the file and handed it back to Utsumi. "Thanks for that, it was quite a read."

"Anytime, Sensei."

"How's the investigation going?" Yukawa was looking straight into her face. He wasn't giving her any room to sugarcoat anything.

"Badly," Utsumi answered after a moment. "Kusanagi-san must have told you that Sugiyama didn't leave a trace of himself behind. Your… your blood contaminated any evidence or DNA we could have obtained from the lab, and by the time we started going after him, his trail had gone cold. No one's reported any sightings of him… even though we have his name, it's not getting us anywhere… _he_ could be anywhere. Even those animal corpses haven't been showing up at all…"

"His name." Yukawa said abruptly. "Why did he tell us his name?"

"I… I don't know." Now that Yukawa had raised it, it was a very baffling question indeed. Why would he tell them his actual name, that was so easily confirmed by finding his mother? Was it to intentionally give them a head start on chasing him down? Was he just very egotistical?

"Utsumi-kun…" Yukawa suddenly sounded so tired. "I've been mulling this incident over for hours. I still have no idea why Sugiyama did what he did. He confuses me…" He rubbed his forehead with his cast-encased hand, and leaned back against his pillows. "He's absurd. Illogical."

"We're going to figure him out, Sensei, and catch him." Utsumi realized why Yukawa was so down – other than because he was stuck in a hospital after being brutally attacked and tortured, of course. Normally, he'd be interested and simulated by a difficult problem like this, especially considering he hadn't gotten a new case from her for weeks. However, Utsumi had started to get the impression that this criminal wasn't someone who was predictable and could easily be reasoned with. It seemed like Yukawa had noticed this as well. Combined with his current position in the hospital… he probably couldn't feel more helpless.

"Perhaps… perhaps not." His uninjured hand was at his stomach wound and Utsumi couldn't fail to notice it.

Utsumi looked down at her lap. She didn't want to tell him how unpromising their situation looked at the moment. Then, remembering something, she rummaged through her bag. Yukawa's eyes were following her every movement; they widened when she finally drew out his glasses. "I almost forgot these. I cleaned them and kept them so I could give them to you…"

"Now I can finally watch television… thanks." He took them from her, and set them on the bedside table. Judging by his rather odd expression, he was probably recalling how Sugiyama had flicked them off his face, before tracing it with the knife…

"Well," Utsumi said, standing, and freeing herself from those images, "I should get going. I'm probably wanted back at the station… it was good seeing you."

"Same to you." There was a pause, and Yukawa added, "I'm glad you're safe."

With a new determination to bring Sugiyama to justice, once and for all, Utsumi gathered her things and prepared to leave. As she was about to step out the door, Yukawa called out to her. "Utsumi-kun."

She turned, an eyebrow raised. "Yes?"

There was a rare hesitation evident in his face. She couldn't help but look at the cut that lined his cheek again... She forced herself to listen as he spoke. "You do realize... you do realize that nothing that happened in my lab that night is of your fault in any way."

Utsumi pressed her lips together and closed her eyes for a moment. When she finally answered, she couldn't muster any force in her voice. "Sensei... if I hadn't run off and left you alone like that... "

"Utsumi-kun_ -_"

She barely heard him. "I should have listened to you then. If I'd called the police, we could have stopped him. I know we could have. If I'd only been a little less _stupid_..."

"_Utsumi_." She had never heard him say her name in that way before, and it made her falter. "You're being _truly_ illogical -"

Utsumi said hotly, "I don't _care _about logic right now. It's the truth!"

"_No, it isn't_. _Think_. Whether you called the police or not, it would have been too late. What could you, alone, possibly have done against that whole group of armed men? There was_ nothing you could do_. I behaved just as foolishly, rushing into the situation like that. Perhaps if I stopped to consider the possibilities, events might have unfolded differently. It makes no sense for you to shoulder all the blame."

"I'm a policewoman - I've had training -"

"_Sugiyama_ stabbed me." Yukawa's words were hard, monotonous and rapid, suddenly sounding similar to when he was debunking something ridiculous she had said. "Not you nor anyone else. Stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over. It's a waste of energy and you're not helping yourself in any way."

He was breathing heavily, his eyes slightly too bright. Only then did Utsumi notice how much faster the heart beat monitor was beeping; their argument had obviously been an effort for him. Anxiety quickly extinguished her agitation. "Sensei, you have to calm down."

"As I've said before, your conversations have no flow at all," Yukawa retorted. "I'm _fine_."

Utsumi shook her head. "No, you're not. You're still sick and this isn't contributing to your recovery. I should go." Before he could protest, she turned and exited the room. He didn't need to see her cry.

* * *

><p>Unbeknownst to Utsumi, Yukawa stared at the ceiling and sighed, letting himself sink deeply into his pillow. His throat felt raw, his head pounded and his abdomen was hurting again. Talking too much seemed to make his face smart. Just great. He hated feeling so weak, so helpless, so <em>useless<em>...

He'd never felt quite so alone or unbearably exhausted. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.


	5. Return

**Notes: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter again, VesperRegina :) I'll really look forward to your fic too, if you decide to publish it! To answer your question, my story's mostly based on the drama Yukawa, since I find him more interesting than the book version. It's also easier to base the Yukawa-Utsumi relationship when I think according to the drama since Utsumi wasn't even in the novels till some novels later. So yeah^^ I'll be looking forward to more wonderful comments from you, thanks as always!**

**Return**

Sugiyama Kotarou was drumming his fingers on the table, his narrow, wolfish eyes trained on the computer monitor before him. He had taught himself the fine art of hacking, which made it simple to obtain all sorts of information. Absently, he scratched at the raised scar that adorned the side of his face. Clicking around, Sugiyama finally found what he was looking for – a news article about a certain 'Associate Professor Y' of 'T University'. Of course, he was already well aware that the said professor was Yukawa Manabu, but that wasn't what he was itching to know today.

Who was that woman who was with him? What made her special to him?

Sugiyama hadn't missed the relief that had flickered through the scientist's face when he was assured that she was going to be left alone. It surprised Sugiyama, since he knew that as a rule, unlike those ridiculous heroes in books and movies, torture victims tended to be most concerned about their personal well-being, especially in the moment. Sugiyama had confirmed this from experience. Yukawa, however… he had been an odd one. He was just too interesting to leave alone.

"Kaizuka Police Station…" Sugiyama muttered to himself, typing. If Yukawa was assisting in their investigations, someone must have had a hand in the partnership… Perhaps that would lead somewhere. And judging by the speed with which the police had reportedly arrived on the scene, it was likely that that woman had connections there; this hypothesis was even more plausible, since she had a firearm with her. Once Sugiyama had worked this out, it wasn't difficult to find a connection between the police and Yukawa. It seemed that he and a man called Kusanagi Shunpei both attended Teito University. Although this could have been a mere coincidence, Sugiyama also knew the importance of details. He scrolled through the list of those employed at Kaizuka, taking particular notice of the women.

"Sasaki." Sugiyama spun around in his chair to face a group of men sitting on the floor behind him. "Come here. Recognize any of these ladies?"

One of the largest,a man called Sasaki Tomoyo, stood and came over. He was one of Sugiyama's most trusted associates and a man of few words. He was also the one who had tied down the woman that night. After looking over the computer screen for several minutes, Sasaki pointed to a single photograph. "This one."

Sugiyama thought he knew her face. He'd seen her before. "Bingo." He nodded, satisfied. "Utsumi Kaoru, huh?" A grin spread over his face. "Very interesting. Very interesting indeed."

* * *

><p>The rest of Yukawa's stay at the hospital passed just as slowly as he'd expected. Kusanagi, Utsumi, Kuribayashi and some of his students visited and filled in some of the gaps in his days when he wasn't undergoing physical therapy sessions, which had started around two weeks after his hospitalization. Two weeks of disuse had weakened his legs considerably, and it didn't help that the slightest movement in the wrong direction caused pain to lace through his stomach. However, Yukawa couldn't say that he disliked taking walks around the hospital property on the sunny days, even if it was under supervision, since anything was preferable to sitting in bed and being pampered by the nurses (who were rather enthusiastic about being on duty in his ward).<p>

Yukawa spent most his spare time thinking long and hard about Sugiyama. It had almost become an obsession – a problem that intrigued him to no end, but was near impossible to solve. The bits of information Utsumi and Kusanagi brought him did little to help. They now knew that Sugiyama had a degree in psychology, and that he lived in a rough neighbourhood as a child, possibly having been abused by his parents. There were so many more things Yukawa still wanted to know about the psychopath. Something told him that Sugiyama wasn't done with him yet. Why was he so interested in him? Or was he just another random victim of the man's hedonistic urges? Then why did Sugiyama have to go as far as to break into Teito and risk exposing himself? Was Yukawa even his first human subject? What was the significance of that cut that both of them now bore on their faces?

Utsumi and Kusanagi often stayed to talk with him, sometimes separately and sometimes together, helping to take his mind of Sugiyama. Utsumi was particularly comforting to have around during those few times when Yukawa was sicker than usual. There was an occasion in the second week when he'd come down with a fever – he was close to delirious at its peak, but he could recall Utsumi's face, hovering over his own. She seemed to have made it her duty to devote as much time as she could to watch over him, even if he was just in bed. He couldn't convince her that what had happened in the lab that night wasn't her fault at all. In fact, the two hadn't mentioned the subject to each other again after Utsumi's first visit.

The vicious heat of the Tokyo summer had retreated by the time Yukawa was to be discharged. It was a wonderful feeling, being able to change out of those accursed hospital garments. The cumbersome cast had come off, as well. It was replaced by a splint, which at least allowed for freer movement of the hand. He still couldn't move the fingers properly. Yukawa got a good look at the ugly remainder of the stab wound as he put on his dress shirt; he was glad it was out of sight. He couldn't think the same about the scar on his face. It was awfully eye-catching – a vivid raised line that even his glasses couldn't conceal in the slightest. Yukawa hoped it would fade at least a little as time passed. Or perhaps it would be an interesting starting point for dinner conversations.

Fully dressed in his suit and jacket, he said his thanks to Matsuyama and the suspiciously large number of other nurses that had taken care of him over the past month. Yukawa thought that they did a very poor job of disguising how sorry they were to see him go (of course, he had no idea why). They seemed quite pleased when he said that they were free to have the chocolate he'd failed to finish eating.

Utsumi was waiting for him at the lobby. She had offered to drive him home, which he'd agreed to readily, as he was still distrustful of his legs at the moment. They did indeed feel a bit wobbly as he made his way to her. He had to pause to catch his breath before following Utsumi out to her car.

"Are you okay, Sensei?" Utsumi asked anxiously when she noticed this.

"I'm fine," Yukawa waved his hand dismissively.

The car ride went by in silence like usual for the pair. Yukawa, half-dozing, half staring out the open window, enjoyed the autumn breeze on his face. It was strange, back to be in the outside world once again. Yukawa would have thought that something would have changed while he was hospitalized, but of course, things had moved along perfectly normally without him. The trees were changing colour and the sky was so clear and blue. Everything seemed perfectly fine…

Before dropping him off at home, Utsumi bought Yukawa some tuna-and-mayonnaise onigiri, for him to take home for tonight's dinner. It occurred to him that he'd have trouble cooking with one functional hand, and sighed, figuring he'd be stuck with mostly cup noodles and take-out food for a while. Yukawa thanked Utsumi for the food and the ride. She bid him a good evening, and left, presumably for the police station again.

Yukawa, entering his apartment for the first time in weeks, flicked on the lights, and after setting down the onigiri, he sat on the couch. For a moment, he enjoyed the silent peace of this all, eyes closed and his mind completely blank for once. It felt good to be alone again. He then stood, took off his jacket and hung it up. Yukawa proceeded to take a shower, washing off the smell of the hospital that probably still wafted from him. It was much more awkward than usual, trying to do everything with one hand. Changing into pajamas, even if it was only three in the afternoon, he returned to the couch after grabbing his glasses and some university papers. Attempting to flex his right hand while he did it, Yukawa read over the documents rather absently. His fingers were still stiff and moved in jerks. He wondered when he'd be able to start writing on the blackboard with them again… and then his mind immediately jumped to imagining what kind of fanfare Kuribayashi was bound to greet him with tomorrow, his first day back.

After a few hours, Yukawa turned on the television – not that he hadn't watched enough of it to last him a lifetime in the past month. The evening news was being broadcasted. Yukawa regarded it with minimal interest, munching on onigiri all the while. There was nothing very interesting that it had to report, and Yukawa felt that he already had enough on his mind. Now that he was refreshed and relaxed, thoughts about Sugiyama were creeping back into his brain…

"… and now for our next story. The fifth disappearance in the past two months has been reported. Hashiguchi Jiro, age twenty-five, has been declared missing in the Shinjuku district. Police investigations have yet to yield any clues leading to Hashiguchi-san's whereabouts, as any possible criminal involved has not left any trace of themselves behind, just like the previous incidents…"

Yukawa frowned, all his attention focused on the television screen within seconds. Something made him uneasy, but he couldn't quite say what it was. Crimes of this sort weren't uncommon in Tokyo, and it wasn't the first time he'd heard about it in the news, so what was it? But Utsumi hadn't told him about this… five disappearances… The logical explanation for his unease would be that he had just been victim to a serious crime and was being paranoid due to that. He settled with this, and tried to shift his attention elsewhere. And then the next news report came on.

"After a month's gap, another animal corpse has been found at Shibuya Station. These images may disturb sensitive viewers." Yukawa stiffened, Sugiyama's face automatically coming to his mind's eye. Blurry pictures flashed onto the screen. He didn't even want to know what had been done to the creature. Suddenly he didn't feel like finishing the onigiri any more. Several more images were shown – Yukawa choked involuntarily when he saw what looked like the hilt of a knife in the animal's abdomen. His hand instinctively went to his own. Was it just a coincidence, or had Sugiyama intentionally put that there – and why did it look so awfully like the knife he was run through with…?

Yukawa turned the television off. He sunk back into the couch, and the gears of his brain proceeded to start whirring like they only did when he encountered a particularly difficult question. Should he be feeling fear? He wondered. He still had the conviction that Sugiyama wasn't going to try to kill him. Of course, there were an infinite number of other things that he could have in mind for him. Yukawa wasn't going to worry about something like that yet… Curiously, however, there was another emotion that was stirring up his brain unpleasantly. It could have been anger, or frustration. He couldn't really tell, since it had been a while since he'd last felt something like this. Whatever it was, it was clouding his thinking, and he hated it.

After some minutes of fruitless wrestling with his own jumbled thoughts, Yukawa reached for his cell phone. Almost simultaneously, it began to ring. The caller ID read "Utsumi Kaoru".

_Amazing woman_, Yukawa thought, and picked up. "Hello?"

"Sensei? It's Utsumi." There was a pause at the other end; she sounded unlike her usual self today. "Were you watching the news?"

"Yes."

"… so you got the gist of things."

"Yes."

"Kusanagi-san wants to talk to you. Do you think you can come over to the station for seven thirty?"

"Will do. I'll see you in a bit." Yukawa hung up. He checked the clock; it was seven. He would have to prepare to go leave soon, since he probably wasn't going to be able to walk as quickly as he normally did.

Only when he had walked halfway down the hallway to the elevator, Yukawa realized that he'd forgotten to change out of his pajamas. No wonder that lady who lived next door was staring at him strangely.

* * *

><p>Kusanagi shifted from foot to foot when he, Utsumi and Yukawa stopped in front of Jonouchi's door. He looked a tad uncomfortable. Utsumi's knocks had been answered with a distracted "Come in." When Yukawa greeted her, she looked up from whatever she was doing and came to meet him at the door. A few seconds later, he noticed that her gloved hands were covered in blood.<p>

Yukawa had read in books as a child that blood was mainly made up of red blood cells suspended in liquid called plasma. Ever since then, that was all he thought of the red substance as. It had never occurred to him that he'd come see so much of it, especially in his field of work. He'd never thought that he'd ever have to spill his own - after all, he was just a scientist. Again, like when the news report had been aired, Yukawa was unsure of what he was supposed to be feeling.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Yukawa-sensei! This is terribly rude of me." Jonouchi, seeing where his gaze was directed, hurriedly stripped off the gloves, and tossed them into the garbage can. Before Yukawa could even say anything, she went on, "Are you feeling all right, Sensei? I heard from Kaoru that you were discharged today. I'm surprised you're not resting at home…"

"I'm fine, thank you," Yukawa couldn't help but sound distracted. He noticed the rancid stench of a decomposing body, which made his stomach churn. Utsumi and Kusanagi's faces showed that they smelled it, as well. "What have you got?"

Jonouchi compressed her lips. "Nothing that's pretty to look at, unfortunately. This man, Sugiyama, really makes a mess out of things…"

"I know," Yukawa said tonelessly. Jonouchi glanced uneasily between him, Utsumi and Kusanagi, then at last, shrugged. She led them to the table where she had been doing her work – an autopsy of the animal Yukawa had just seen on the news. As he started towards it, she said, without her usual confidence,

"It might be better I just give you the lowdown, Yukawa-sensei…"

Yukawa just shook his head, and went to the table. He thought he heard Utsumi call to him, but he could barely hear her. It was much worse to see the dog – or was it a cat? – in real life than on television. But then there was the knife lying to the side, its blade still a rusty colour. He couldn't quite say how he could remember, but it was the same one with which Sugiyama had attacked him with. Yukawa suddenly felt nauseous.

"Yukawa. Are you okay?" Kusanagi asked hesitantly, tapping his friend on the shoulder.

"If you need to throw up, use the garbage can." Jonouchi added, sounding concerned – and it was exactly what Yukawa did.

Utsumi looked at him after he'd regained his composure. "Sensei, you're such a stubborn idiot."


	6. Prey

**Notes: Thanks again for the review, VesperRegina~ I'll be patient for your story because there's a sad lack of Galileo fanfiction and I really love to read any I can find! Once again, I have to say that I really appreciate your comments. They're flattering and very encouraging. As I said, one of my sole motivations for continuing this ^^**

**Not much in particular to say about this chapter, except that I had to switch around quite a few elements in it... and ended up adding some random bits, too. I'll be looking forward to comments!**

**Prey**

Yukawa regretted throwing up. His abdominal muscles were screaming in protest at their sudden contraction (he recalled the doctor warning him against such movements; as if he could control such aspects of his bodily functions), and now everyone was looking at him in open concern. Even if Utsumi had called him an idiot and all, he knew that was only her own peculiar way of expressing her worry.

Kusanagi opened his mouth. "Yukawa – "

"Excuse me for a moment." Yukawa turned and left the room. He needed space to collect his thoughts. In the hallway, he leaned against the wall, his hand at his stomach, and took several deep breaths. With that knife that had been in the animal corpse, Yukawa was forced to draw the conclusion that Sugiyama was deliberately leaving behind these sorts of clues for him to find. It was a strange feeling, being of enough importance for someone to go as far as targeting specifically.

"Yukawa." It was Kusanagi again – he had followed him out. He said quietly, "What is it? Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"It's nothing -"

"I could tell when your brain is working at something. I'm not that stupid – I've known you since we were teenagers."

Yukawa looked to his friend, and sighed. "Sugiyama… Sugiyama left that knife for me to see."

Kusanagi looked startled. "How do you know that?"

Yukawa said bluntly, "He cut open my face with it – I remember what it looked like. Why else would he leave it in the animal?"

Kusanagi closed his mouth and rubbed his forehead. Yukawa willed the ache in his stomach to go away – it was becoming quite infuriating. At last, Kusanagi said, "This… this is bad… If you think he's going for you – you alone – Yukawa, we need to have you put under protection – "

"No. I told you, Kusanagi, if he wanted to kill me he would've done it then. I'll be fine. Don't tell anyone else about this. Not yet. I don't need all of you panicking before any of us even knows exactly what he wants."

"But…"

"I need time to think. Please." It wasn't often Yukawa so sincerely asked Kusanagi for a favour. After all, it was usually the other way around… It made Kusanagi uneasy, but he didn't say so. Instead, he just nodded after a moment's hesitation. It would be troublesome if this information was leaked, even more so when it became clear that Kusanagi was keeping it from the other police. But Yukawa was a friend, and Kusanagi hadn't seen him in this odd state of mind before. This was the most he could do to help… The scientist had always led a solitary life – without a doubt, it would be difficult for him to ask anyone for psychological support of any kind.

"We have to get this guy figured out soon, Yukawa. I was just thinking, what if he's the one behind the kidnappings, too…" Kusanagi shuddered. It was all too real a possibility. "Who knows what'll happen to the missing people. I need you to help us with everything you've got."

When Yukawa looked up at him, Kusanagi noticed the quiet anger burning in his eyes. Yukawa Manabu, angry – to Kusanagi, even after all these years, it was something he couldn't quite comprehend. Kusanagi had never seen Yukawa lose control of his emotions, not once since he had first gotten to know him in university.

"I'm going to catch him," Yukawa said in a low voice, "I swear I will. He's not going to get away."

* * *

><p>Utsumi knew something was wrong with Yukawa. He had definitely been shaken by the animal corpse – and the knife. Utsumi was quite sure it was the one with which Sugiyama had stabbed Yukawa with that night; judging by his reaction, that was probably the case. Utsumi was scared. It hurt to see Yukawa behaving so… <em>normally<em>. Like a normal human being. Yukawa wasn't _supposed_ to do that – he was supposed to be the calm and cool Professor Galileo, the genius physicist who kept his emotions out of the way of his investigations. He wasn't supposed to feel anything but curiosity and interest in the case…

Except there was nothing interesting about this case, nothing at all. Yukawa would be the one who knew this best. There was nothing in it that physics could solve. Utsumi desperately wanted to help Yukawa, do _something_ for him, but he was being so guarded, and she knew that trying to be nosy would only make him even more aloof than he was… The least she could do was to put her all into solving this case.

Yukawa came back to the doorway of the autopsy room, Kusanagi right behind him. Again, Utsumi was seeing hints of raw feeling in his eyes – it was so different from the Yukawa she'd always known. As if sensing her gaze, Yukawa glanced at her briefly before launching into a question-and-answer session with Jonouchi concerning her autopsy.

When Yuge came by a few minutes later, looking quite breathless, all it took was a glimpse of the dead animal for him to go retching into the garbage can. Wiping his mouth after he was finished, he said to Utsumi,

"There's another one – right at the front door of the station."

"Another what?" Utsumi pulled Yuge into the corner, leaving Yukawa to continue talking to Jonouchi and Kusanagi.

"Another corpse, Utsumi. And…" He handed her something. "I didn't want to bring this up with me but I thought it'd be bad if it blew away or something..." Utsumi looked down at it, and her eyes widened – it was a bloodstained note in a plastic evidence bag, neatly folded and addressed, in impeccable handwriting, to Yukawa Manabu. She reached inside and opened it, cringing at the dampness of it. There was only a single sentence – _I'll see you soon_. She instinctively plunged it deep into her pocket as Yukawa turned to her and Yuge. He didn't need to see this… not now. He had enough to think about. Her fist clenched around it. Utsumi had never felt hatred quite like this for anyone before, and police procedures were the last thing on her mind.

She forced herself to speak normally - "Yukawa-sensei, Kusanagi-san, Jonouchi-san – Yuge-san says he found another animal."

Kusanagi stifled what could have been a yelp of surprise. "_What?_"

Yukawa didn't say anything, but Utsumi saw the odd shiver pass over his face as he immediately realized what this news probably meant. Sugiyama was nearby – no, Sugiyama was right under their noses. He was evading police searches as if this was all a sick little game of cat-and-mouse.

* * *

><p>"Good afternoon," the old woman said hesitantly. Seeing an unfamiliar man towering over her probably did nothing to ease her anxiety. Then she caught sight of Utsumi, which seemed to deter her further. "Detective…? Is there something you need?"<p>

Yukawa stayed silent, letting Utsumi do the talking. He just nodded when she introduced him to Terauchi Akiko, Sugiyama Kotarou's biological mother. Yukawa observed everything about the woman and her home closely – there was nothing out of the ordinary. Akiko was small and frail-looking, but she still looked relatively healthy. She had a constant air of nervousness about her, but that could be because of her unexpected visitors. Yukawa couldn't help but notice how closely she resembled her son, even in her age – they had the same face shape, the same eyes.

Akiko was inviting the pair in. Utsumi, taking a glance at Yukawa, gave a slight nod. She seemed to be warning him not to say or do anything stupid. Yukawa just shrugged and followed Akiko in after Utsumi through the door. It was so low that he had to duck his head when he stepped inside. Immediately, the musty smell of a house that didn't have enough ventilation hit him in the face. He had to blink a few times to adjust to the dimness of the place – it wasn't just because it was so small. As Utsumi had told him when she first visited him, Akiko's house was crammed with all sorts of objects, varying from stacks of old books to antique statues and even a small television set that could have been from the 60's. It was difficult for Yukawa to make his way through the mess, him being too tall to be in this house in the first place. He wished that Utsumi had a search warrant; it seemed like there could be useful clues in the house, just like she'd mentioned. When he finally made it to the kitchen area, Akiko presented him and Utsumi with tea and cookies. The three sat down at the table, Yukawa and Utsumi facing Akiko.

"So… how can I help you?" Yukawa could tell Akiko was casting him furtive glances every couple of seconds. He, on the other hand, made no effort to conceal his gaze, and looked hard at the old woman. It felt so odd. This was _Sugiyama's_ mother…

"Er… well," Utsumi began, "we were wondering if you can answer a few more questions concerning your son."

"Kotarou? Why, has the boy been up to no good again? It's been a while since anyone came asking about him, until you showed up in August…" Akiko looked genuinely worried – and suspicious. Yukawa knew that Utsumi hadn't told her about Sugiyama's… doings yet.

"We don't know the details as of now." Utsumi said quickly. Yukawa had to refrain from making a noise at the ridiculous statement. He kept his head turned away from Akiko so she wouldn't see the mark on his face, as that would be a clear giveaway... to what exactly? Why were they not saying anything about Sugiyama's status as a wanted criminal? Sometimes Yukawa couldn't understand police tactics at all. "However, your son is a suspect and we need to gather information about him."

"I told you what I know," the old woman seemed to be becoming less and less willing to open up. Yukawa's eyes narrowed. "As I've already said, I haven't spoken to him for years. I don't even know where he lives any more – he doesn't bother contacting me, either. Kotarou's always been an aloof child…"

"Utsumi-kun, may I?" Yukawa said, looking at her. She nodded, albeit a bit reluctantly. "Terauchi-san…" He paused for a moment, swallowing. Then he turned to face Akiko fully. "May I ask where and how Sugiyama received his facial scar?"

It was then Akiko seemed to see Yukawa's face; her eyes immediately widened in surprise and recognition. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out for a few moments. At last, she managed, "It's… it's the same as Kotarou's."

"Yes, we know." Yukawa replied flatly. He ignored Utsumi's glance at him, and continued, "You haven't answered my question."

"Terauchi-san?" Utsumi interjected carefully, when the silence became unbearable.

At last, the old woman opened her mouth. "He just came home day with that huge cut on his face…" She looked to Yukawa, her eyes fixed on his newly acquired scar and making him feel immensely uncomfortable – he wasn't used to this type of attention. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, at all. Yukawa spent a moment furiously regretting coming here. He knew no good could have come out of meeting the mother of that psychopath, so why had he agreed to accompany Utsumi?

Utsumi was speaking. "Did he say anything about it? Do you know anything about what happened?"

"No. He refused to even let me look at the wound. He never mentioned it ever again." Akiko was done; it was clear that she wasn't going to say any more than his son did about the incident. But then, she locked eyes with Yukawa, and added, "Where did you get that scar?" The question almost sounded like a command. Yukawa instinctively cast his eyes down pressed his lips together. After a minute of silence, he stood abruptly.

"Thank you for your time, Terauchi-san." He wasn't particularly concerned about manners at the moment. As Utsumi followed him out, he took a last sweeping glance at Akiko's house, trying to determine if she had anything to do with her son's doings. It was impossible. He was no behavioural analyst, or anything of the sort – he couldn't tell whether she'd been telling the truth or concealing something from them.

"Sensei." Utsumi said to him when they were in the car, "There was something strange about her. I don't think she told us everything she knew."

"You think?" Yukawa raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I've seen enough suspects lying to know how they act." Utsumi started the engine, her lips set in a straight line. "I wonder what she's keeping from us."

Yukawa frowned, looking out the window as Utsumi drove off. "What benefit could it possibly bring her?" He murmured, and fiddled with his splint absently. Again, his brain provided him with no satisfactory answer, and neither could Utsumi. Why did Sugiyama's mother have to be as baffling to Yukawa as he was? Why wasn't anything going smoothly in this investigation at all? Akiko hadn't given them any useful leads at all… but now Yukawa was becoming more and more convinced of the significance of Sugiyama's scar.

Utsumi was speaking to him. "Sensei, we're here." The car stopped in front of his apartment. Yukawa thanked her and got out. He turned when he felt her tug at the sleeve of his jacket. "Take a rest, will you, Sensei? I know you have to go teach tomorrow, and to be honest, I think it was very poor decision-making on both of our parts to have you come to the police station yesterday." It was true; when Yukawa had gotten home after the episode in the autopsy room then talking with Kusanagi, Utsumi and Jonouchi, it had been well over ten o'clock. Today had been a full day, too – after waking up early to organize materials for his classes, Yukawa had accompanied Utsumi to see Akiko. It was already almost four o'clock. He was admittedly tired and his wound was still sore. There was nothing more he longed for more than his bed at the moment.

"Yes… Yes, I will." Yukawa nodded, and watched as the car left. Somehow, he had the feeling that Utsumi wasn't telling him everything she knew about this case, either. These days, he was having many of these intuitions. It was a sure sign that his mind was failing to function properly. All the more reason to curse that Sugiyama…

Yukawa, opening his apartment door, almost expected a bloodied mess of an animal to be lying in the living room, or perhaps even Sugiyama himself. There was nothing of the sort. _Stop being illogical_, he told himself. Sugiyama would probably laugh, seeing him act so foolishly. Yukawa had the sneaking suspicion that that could be what he was after.


	7. Pitfall

**Notes: Oh, wow! What a pleasant surprise! Three new reviewers joining us, I'm so happy! Thanks so much for the feedback, **Toa Kaoru**, **fate-star** and **Ahria**. I agree that there's a sad lack of Galileo fanfiction out there - Yukawa and Utsumi totally deserve more love. **Toa Kaoru**: Very good question. I actually only managed the first few paragraphs of that chapter... heh heh. If you're really curious I could totally post that here later as an appendix of sorts... but personally, I didn't think it was my best writing XD**

**This chapter may have a bit of a sudden change of pace but I decided to go with it, since I wasn't meaning for this to be a really long story anyways. I suppose you could say that we're approaching the climax. I think this fic is where I show how much I'd love it if the television series has more intensity sometimes, but if I had it my way I don't think any of the characters would last very long ^_^"**

**Pitfall**

Yukawa hadn't slept well last night. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes as he sat in front of his laptop and tried to force himself to focus. It was so difficult – a research report didn't seem to be quite so urgent for him any more. Usually, the lab was such an enjoyable place to be for him, especially with the cool autumn breeze blowing in and out of the windows, but at the moment Yukawa would rather be somewhere else, doing something he felt was more productive. Oddly, he had no strange feelings about being back in his usual spot in the 13th laboratory, even if he had what should have been the most traumatizing experience of his life only several metres away. He thought that the fact that he had already been ambushed here was all the more reason it wouldn't happen again – not in the same place.

Kuribayashi and his students seemed to feel differently, however. They kept casting him nervous glances – as if they were worried about – what? What exactly did they think could happen to him? Yukawa couldn't bring himself to tell them off, but he still disliked this awkward kind of attention. In the end, he resorted to staring at his laptop screen so hard that he wouldn't have been surprised if a hole got burned into it. Yukawa stayed this way until Kuribayashi finally tapped him on the shoulder two and a half hours later.

Hesitantly, he said, "Sensei… you're supposed to have a look at the students' reports on that experiment…"

Yukawa blinked. It seemed like ages since he last heard that word. "Which experiment?"

"You know, the one you had me come in early to prepare for – we did it a couple weeks ago without your supervision."

"Ah." Yukawa frowned. He was rather annoyed that he hadn't been there to oversee the experiment – it was much harder to mark reports if he hadn't been there himself. It didn't help that he would have to rely entirely on his left hand for any writing he had to do… Sugiyama's attack had inconvenienced Yukawa in more ways than one. He'd never been this behind on work in his entire career before. "Why couldn't the psychopath have chosen a time when we didn't have such an important lab to do?"

Kuribayashi just uttered a nervous laugh. "I agree, Sensei." After an awkward silence, he asked tentatively, "Should I have them give you their reports?"

Yukawa sighed and leaned back in his chair, putting his hands on top of his head, and winced when the movement stretched his abdomen a little too far. To his utter dismay, Kuribayashi seemed to have taken this as an affirmative answer, for some unfathomable reason. He suddenly rushed to the door and began to usher the students in – in a flash, Yukawa found himself surrounded by students, all looking very uncertain but trying to hand him papers, all the same. He pressed his lips together, flexed his left fingers, and took the first report, from Murase.

* * *

><p>"Utsumi, go home and get some rest. You look like you've been through hell."<p>

Utsumi protested, "Kusanagi-san – I want to help –"

"You won't be quite as helpful as you are now when you're dead on your feet. Now go; you've done enough for the day. I can take over. Ok?" Kusanagi just waved his hand and spun in his chair so that his back was facing her.

Utsumi sighed. It wasn't often that Kusanagi, normally so easygoing, held so firm about an issue – when he did, it was usually better to do as he said. Utsumi, grumbling the whole time, packed up her bag. It was true that she had been working herself harder than she'd ever done in the past couple weeks, and it was also true that she was impossibly tired. But she couldn't bring herself to rest when there was a crazy like Sugiyama on the loose. Did she look so noticeably drained? Perhaps it was time for her to hit the gym more often and build up her strength for times like these…

"I'll see you tomorrow, then, Kusanagi-san." Utsumi muttered as she left.

"Yep. See you." Kusanagi grinned at her.

In the drive home, Utsumi's phone bleeped noisily. It was an email, from Yukawa. He was telling her that he wanted to discuss something with her, and that he'd drop by her apartment on the way home from his last lecture of the day. She already felt the anticipation making her spine tingle – had he been able to figure something out? Utsumi was also looking forward to seeing Yukawa again – she wanted to ask him about his first day back at work, and possibly tick him off with her nagging. It was always an endless source of amusement for her. And admittedly, it did cheer her up greatly every time she talked with him, even if he was possibly one of the most irritating people in the world.

* * *

><p>Yukawa was becoming increasingly distracted. He was already feeling the toll of a full morning of regular work – at this moment, he wished for nothing more than the softness of his bed at home. The dull ache in his stomach was becoming more and more noticeable. He felt so fatigued, even if he had really not done anything more than marking papers all morning…<p>

To make matters much worse, Yukawa realized that he had a lecture to give in five minutes – he had completely forgotten about it. Cursing under his breath, he gathered up his materials as quickly as he could with his bad hand, and shoving it all into his briefcase, hurried out of the laboratory. By the time Yukawa reached the lecture hall, he was exactly on time and very out of breath. He'd just managed to make his wound hurt more through overexertion, but there was nothing much he could do about it, as he had a hall full of students waiting for him to begin. He got the same kind of furtive looks he'd been getting all morning as he made his way to the podium and blackboard. It was his first day back since his incident, after all. Yukawa was almost getting used to this, almost as he was getting used to constant physical discomfort.

Yukawa mentioned nothing about his absence, despite the obviously inquiring glances his students were giving him. So many eyes were trained on the cut on his face. It was likely that none of them knew more than the basic fact that Yukawa had suffered injuries at the hands of a criminal. He wanted to keep things this way, so he'd requested Kusanagi to keep things under wraps. So far, it seemed like he was doing a good job with it, much to Yukawa's relief.

The lecture progressed as normally as any other. A glance at the clock on the wall told Yukawa that he just needed to hold out for twenty-five more minutes – then his day would be over, and he could finally get into a bed again. It was at around this time when someone quietly came into the hall from the back, and sat alone in the very back row – a man. Yukawa paused in midsentence, and stared.

He was quite sure that last time he checked, Sugiyama Kotarou wasn't enrolled in any of his lectures. Yukawa felt a bit ill, and froze for a split second. However, Yukawa being Yukawa, after a fleeting rush of surprise and perhaps a little fear, he forced himself to stay calm. He continued with his explanation on quantum mechanics, as if nothing had happened, as if everything was fine. As if a sadistic criminal who was obviously targeting him wasn't sitting fifty metres away.

Sugiyama was wearing that familiar grin again. He gave Yukawa a little wave, and when he glanced his way, his smile just got wider. Yukawa's mind was racing furiously. What was this? What could have possibly prompted Sugiyama to show himself in a public university lecture hall in the middle of the day? Yukawa had a feeling that Sugiyama wasn't here because he wanted to learn quantum theory. Sugiyama just sat there like that until there was five minutes left in the lecture. He made a motion with his hand to catch Yukawa's attention. Yukawa began to assign readings to the students for the next lecture. Sugiyama made a sign with his hand in the air, beside his ear – _phone_. Then, slowly, deliberately, he drew his finger across his throat. With that, Sugiyama stood up, waved again, and left.

Yukawa dismissed his students early.

Almost as soon as the last few disappeared, Yukawa felt his cell phone vibrate against his leg in his pocket. He took it out to see a single text message, from an unknown sender:

_You didn't get my note, did you?_

And then, barely seconds later, another message arrived. It was an address, with a postscript at the end. Complete with admittedly cute emoticons.

_We'll meet you here in five minute's time, if you don't mind. Do come by yourself – a little privacy can't hurt, no?_

Yukawa got a sinking feeling when he noticed the use of the pronoun 'we'. This was bad. He had no idea what Sugiyama was going for any more – but this was very bad. Who could this third person in question possibly be?

"No…" It was so painfully obvious. He knew this address. He'd only been there once or twice at the most, but he knew it so very well. Abandoning his briefcase and any thoughts of returning to the laboratory, Yukawa sprinted to the other end of the lecture hall. He no longer cared whether he tore open his wound again or not. There was something so much more at stake.

As he rushed through the hall and to the exit, he pummeled right into Kuribayashi, who was carrying a stack of papers, presumably for him. The sheets flew everywhere as both men were sent sprawling. Kuribayashi yelped in surprise, his eyes widening further when he saw that it was Yukawa. "Sensei? What are you doing?"

"Not now, Kuribayashi-san." This was all Yukawa could manage before he picked himself up and went running again. He made his way out the university campus and through the streets, ignoring the strange looks pedestrians were giving him. He felt the protests of his body already but pushed himself on – his destination wasn't so far at all. In fact, that was probably why Sugiyama had seen it as such a golden opportunity…

Yukawa could feel a sheet of sweat covering him by the time he could see the familiar building – Utsumi Kaoru's apartment. He remembered being surprised to learn that she lived so close to the university. What had only been a coincidence was now something much more deadly. His lungs were begging for more oxygen but his damaged abdominal muscles made breathing deeply difficult. But this didn't matter, not right now. Getting closer, Yukawa was finally able to spot what he had dreaded. Utsumi was waiting for him expectantly at the front steps. She seemed to see him, and waved.

"_Utsumi-kun!_ Run away from here!" Yukawa cursed his voice for not being able to project farther. Why couldn't sound travel as quickly as light did? _Why?_ "Get away!"

Utsumi shouted something back. It sounded like a '_What, Sensei?_'' She started coming towards him. She seemed to notice that something was wrong.

Yukawa already knew that this situation was futile. Sugiyama had planned it cleverly – this wasn't a particularly complex trap but it was one that was probably going to serve its function all too well. Was this panic Yukawa was feeling? Could he possibly still turn the tables on Sugiyama?

Yukawa screamed Utsumi another warning, no longer even a coherent sentence. It was already too late. When she turned, she was immediately grabbed by a pair of waiting hands that was behind her. Her cry was muffled by them, and she was pulled into the alleyway next to the apartment building. Out from the same place, Sugiyama emerged, and approached Yukawa with a casual, confident air.

Yukawa whispered, "You scumbag."

Sugiyama just smiled again. "You know that I take that as a compliment, right?"

"Let her go. She has nothing to do with this."

"Oh, how would you know, Yukawa?" Sugiyama sighed dramatically. "I really would love to tell you about this little experiment but as you are our subject, there's only so much you can know until its conclusion."

Yukawa could see Utsumi struggling in the hands of Sugiyama's burly henchmen, her eyes wide with terror. They were also pleading for him to escape. He wasn't going to do anything of the sort – he couldn't just leave her here like this. He had to do _something_. And then Yukawa saw that they were dragging her off. There was a quite well-concealed black van in the shadows cast by the setting sun.

Sugiyama was barring his way, his hand in his pocket. There was no doubt that it contained a weapon. Yukawa felt a sudden unbearable urge to punch the grin off his face but knew that it would be very, very foolish. For a moment, the pair faced each other, neither of them not moving a single muscle. This brief silence was shattered by the sound of someone starting a car. Yukawa's head immediately turned to the source of the noise – the van. They had Utsumi in the van. They were going to get away with her.

"How do you feel about her, Yukawa?" Sugiyama said softly, mockingly. "How do you feel about Utsumi Kaoru?"

"Stop this." Yukawa looked into Sugiyama's eyes – shiny, black and glinting with madness. "I still don't know who you are or what you want, but stop this now."

Sugiyama looked rather disappointed. "I'm sorry, Yukawa, but I'm not going to have my fun taken away from me so soon. If you want her," he grinned widely again, "come get her yourself." Before Yukawa could react, Sugiyama had thrown a sudden roundhouse punch to his face. He seemed like an experienced fighter, or at least someone who knew how to exert maximum force with his fists. The knuckles connected with his cheekbone and Yukawa saw stars, staggering against the wall behind him; when he had finally regained control of his vision and balance, he was able to catch a glimpse of Sugiyama gaily hopping into the car as it began to speed off.

"_Utsumi!_" Yukawa broke into a sprint after the van. Pain was now stabbing at his gut and his head was still throbbing from the punch it had received seconds before. He didn't make it far before the car disappeared around a corner. His exhausted body finally giving way, he let himself sink to his knees. Yukawa dimly realized that he was sitting in the middle of a sidewalk with pedestrians still going about their business. He couldn't care less for that at the moment.

"Yukawa-sensei?" Yukawa's head jerked around at the voice calling his name; it was Kuribayashi, his face red and panting heavily. Curious bystanders were looking on furtively. "What's going on? I looked all over for you – " He stopped when Yukawa looked away from him again and stared at the corner where the van had disappeared. "…sensei? Are you all right?"

The street seemed to be completely still. Yukawa finally caught his breath and opened his mouth. "He took Utsumi, Kuribayashi-san." The professor was still refusing to look at him, but his voice was as monotonous as ever. Or so Kuribayashi first thought – it was only a moment later when he detected the faint tremble in it. He didn't miss what Yukawa added quietly, "I want to kill him."


	8. Despair

**Hiya! I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I ran into another writer's block and grade 12 has just started for me, so all sorts of stuff happening in my life right now... but nope, I haven't abandoned you guys yet ;) Thanks for reviewing the previous chapter. Speaking of which, I received some questions from someone regarding some of its more plot-holey elements so here they are (and my answers as well) for reference:**

Q's:  
><em>1. Since Yukawa recognized Utsumi's address why didn't he call her from his cell phone to warn her for the danger?<em>

**_Sugiyama did hint that if Yukawa tried to call anyone bad things would happen (a.k.a. someone could be killed). I think that Yukawa also could have gotten the sense that even if he did warn Utsumi, Sugiyama would be able to do... things if Yukawa didn't show up there like he wanted him to. After all, Sugiyama obviously found out where Utsumi lives so even if they manage to avoid this immediate danger Utsumi still wouldn't be safe._**

_2. Why did Utsumi wait for him at the front steps? He knew the house he couldn't make any mistake. _

**_Utsumi got the message when she was on the way home and it said that Yukawa would be there soon to have a quick chat with her, so maybe she thought it wasn't necessary to have him come all the way upstairs? Apartments are annoying like that IMO (you have to buzz yourself in, there's the elevator if you live high up...) I have to admit I didn't really think hard about this part ^_^" But having lived in apartments all my life, I remember waiting for people at the front a lot. And usually, you'd have to accompany them back downstairs too, if you're a polite host. So maybe Utsumi didn't want to bother with that sort of thing..._**

_3. When Utsumi received the text message from "Yukawa" meaning from Sugiyama, what was the caller ID? It couldn't have been Yukawa's number and if the caller was unknown Utsumi should be suspicious._

**_If I'm remembering correctly, they don't use text messages in Japan, they do email instead even for cell phones. So if Sugiyama's a hacker like I've made him, it probably wouldn't be hard for him to send an email under Yukawa's name._**

**And **Ahria**: I've actually been stalking the Galileo community for a while now, far before I started writing this story! I've hunted down all the fanfiction listed there and read most of them too~ I was so surprised so see myself being mentioned there! So thanks for spreading the word, **VesperRegina** :) Anyways, here is the chapter. I had a really hard time with it and I still think it's pretty iffy, but I think I've kept you all waiting long enough. I might change some things later on. We'll see.**

**Despair**

Kusanagi had no idea what had happened this afternoon. He had been tediously going through the databases and doing research about Sugiyama Kotarou, along with Yuge and some other policemen – almost falling asleep from fatigue and boredom while he was doing so – when his cell phone started to ring. Yuge glanced at him; he knew that Kusanagi normally didn't get phone calls during the day. Shrugging, Kusanagi took a look at the caller ID. He frowned; it was a number he didn't know.

"Hello?"

It was a familiar and very panicked-sounding voice. "Kusanagi-san – something terrible has happened – "

"Who is this?" Kusanagi was feeling very, very uneasy.

"It's Kuribayashi Hiromi, Yukawa-sensei's assistant – "

"Oh, yes, of course. Sorry about that, Kuribayashi-san – but what's going on? Is everything all right?" Kusanagi couldn't help but wonder, even at a time like this, how in the world Kuribayashi had managed to get a hold of his phone number. He barely knew the man, after all – just by sight, since he was always there when he visited Yukawa…

"I don't really know, Kusanagi-san." Kusanagi could almost feel Kuribayashi's distress, even through the phone. "I'm with Yukawa-sensei but he's not telling me much – but it seems like something's happened to Utsumi."

"Utsumi?" Kusanagi almost stopped breathing for a moment. "Utsumi Kaoru? What…? I sent her home an hour ago…"

"I don't know!" Kuribayashi was moaning through the receiver. "But please, you have to come by here. Yukawa-sensei suddenly went running out the school and after asking around I found him just sitting in the middle of a sidewalk… something's happened. I've never seen Yukawa-sensei looking like this before, and he needs to talk to someone other than me…"

The phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, Kusanagi began to pack up as he spoke. "I'll be there right away."

Yuge was talking to him at the same time. "Where're you going, Kusanagi-san?"

"I'll see you in a couple minutes," Kusanagi said into the phone, and hung up. He looked to Yuge. "Something's happened to Utsumi. I'm going to go see Yukawa and find out what's going on."

"Utsumi?" Anxiety flashed through Yuge's face – Kusanagi knew he was quite fond of the woman. The two worked together quite often, as well. "Is… is she all right?"

"I have no bloody idea." Kusanagi replied as he went through the door. "Continue with the investigations, okay? I'll be back."

Kusanagi ended up ignoring most of the speed limits of the road as he drove to Teito. There was an unpleasant feeling in his gut, and something told him that this had to do something with Sugiyama. It seemed like whenever he entered the scene, things turned very ugly. Kusanagi knew that although Yukawa would probably hate him for it, he had never been this worried about his friend before. He was gradually beginning to see what Sugiyama was doing. He was completely destroying Yukawa's mental stability – there was no way to know whether that was Sugiyama's final goal or not, but it was definitely happening. Yukawa was used to interacting with mind-bogglingly difficult physics problems, not mind-bogglingly difficult psychos. By putting Yukawa directly in the middle of the havoc he was wreaking, Sugiyama was probably managing to torment him more than any physical abuse could ever do… Sugiyama had obviously figured out how Yukawa's mind functioned. But of course, there was no way to guess why the bastard was so interested in Yukawa. So far, it seemed like everything Sugiyama had done was centred on him. Kusanagi had already checked for any connections between the two and found none.

Gripping the steering wheel tightly, Kusanagi pulled into the Teito University parking lot. He quickly told the security guard that he was visiting Associate Professor Yukawa Manabu of the science and engineering department, and rushed to the lab he knew so well.

Kuribayashi was waiting outside. He was shifting from foot to foot and chewing on his nails while he was doing so. When he saw Kusanagi approach, he shot forward as if he had springs in his legs. "Kusanagi-san – I'm so glad you came! Please, go talk to Yukawa-sensei…"

"He didn't tell you anything?"

"Just that Utsumi got… taken, was it?" Kuribayashi swallowed, and looked somewhat sullen. "He normally doesn't talk to me much anyways… you're probably the better bet."

_Taken_.

Oh, God.

Kusanagi made his way inside, pushing open the door gently. "Yukawa? Are you there? It's me, Kusanagi," he called out cautiously.

After a brief silence, Yukawa's voice floated over. "You came."

"Yeah." Kusanagi went towards his friend, who was sitting in his chair, facing the window. "Are you… are you okay?"

"… no."

Kusanagi stopped in front of the chair, and saw Yukawa, his face bruised and twisted in anguish. Kusanagi asked quietly, "What happened, Yukawa?"

Yukawa finally looked at him, his eyes dull. "Sugiyama took her, Kusanagi. He first showed up in my lecture hall, then lured us both out and took her, right in front of my eyes."

Kusanagi opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn't know how to reply – his brain was still trying to process the information. "…no way." It felt lame, but it was all he could manage.

"It's my fault." Yukawa said quietly after a moment.

Kusanagi blinked. "What?"

Yukawa repeated, louder this time, "I said, it's my fault. That this happened to Utsumi."

Kusanagi opened his mouth, closed it again, then finally found his voice. "Don't be stupid." Yukawa didn't reply. Kusanagi continued, "You know, this is exactly like when we were talking about Utsumi that day I visited you in the hospital. You were saying she was being illogical for blaming herself for Sugiyama's attack on you – and now you're doing the same thing." Kusanagi's fist clenched of its own accord. "Look what he's done to you, Yukawa… you're not being yourself. You know that you couldn't have done anything else, just like Utsumi couldn't that night. As you said so yourself. Stop being an idiot, and let's focus on finding her instead."

Yukawa leaned back in his chair. "Kusanagi… I can't."

Kusanagi swallowed. It was frightening to see Yukawa admitting defeat. This was so _wrong_. "_Stop being stupid_."

Yukawa went on as if he hadn't heard him. "He makes no sense at all. I can't figure him out. I can't even figure out why he's so fixated on… this." Yukawa gestured helplessly towards the scar running down the side of his face. Only then, he looked to Kusanagi. "On… me. This isn't a job for me, Kusanagi. I can't see through people like you and Utsumi can. It's hopeless."

"That's why I'm here to help." Kusanagi, despite himself, was becoming exasperated. "Yukawa, listen. I know how this feels like to you – it's just like when you're going on with your equations and theories and I have no idea what you're babbling about. Come on, think. Where can we start? For once, what does your intuition tell you?"

"Intuition isn't logical – "

"To hell with the logic. Can't you tell by now that Sugiyama isn't a logical person?"

Yukawa closed his mouth. Even he couldn't disagree with that. After a moment, he said, "His mother. Utsumi…" It seemed like he was having trouble saying her name. "Utsumi told me when we visited her that she wasn't telling us everything. I want to know what she was hiding."

"Then we'll go see her. This time, we won't take any crap from her."

"… fine, then." Yukawa seemed to take this as a cue to get up, but Kusanagi didn't miss the flinch that flashed through his entire form. Firmly, Kusanagi put a hand on his friend's shoulder and forced him back down.

"Yukawa, I swear we'll catch Sugiyama, and get Utsumi back. But I'm not going to let you run around as you please in that condition. – don't take me as an idiot. Besides, Kuribayashi-san might shoot me if anything else happens to you. We'll go after you have a bit of a rest."

Yukawa glanced up at Kusanagi. Then, resignedly, he put his head down on the table, closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his belly, which was obviously hurting him. All the strength seemed to have left him at once. All of a sudden, Yukawa didn't look a thing like the all-knowing genius he was supposed to be. Wordlessly, Kusanagi went over to the sink to made instant coffee for both of them. The clinking of the spoon in the tin mugs was loud in the quiet of the laboratory.

* * *

><p>The car trip passed in complete silence. They had left after Kusanagi reported back to the police station about their situation and a short dinner break. Yukawa refused to look at Kusanagi, keeping his gaze trained out the window. In the past two hours since Utsumi had been kidnapped by Sugiyama, Yukawa had barely spoken nor touched the food Kusanagi had offered him. He insisted that he was fine, but Kusanagi assumed that he'd obviously strained himself today – with work and the happenings of this afternoon combined, Yukawa looked like he really should be, and wanted to be, in bed. It was worrying, but Kusanagi knew he couldn't do anything for him. He knew that Yukawa wouldn't rest until he got Utsumi back from Sugiyama. All Kusanagi could reply with to Kuribayashi's inquiries about Yukawa was a quick shake of the head.<p>

Kusanagi pulled over at Terauchi Akiko's familiar little house. A few moments after Kusanagi knocked, Terauchi opened the door. Almost spontaneously, Yukawa seemed to bristle visibly.

The look in Yukawa's eyes made Kusanagi realize that even Galileo the Weird was capable of losing his temper. Kusanagi saw that the slightest push was going to make Yukawa show a side of him that the world had probably never seen before. Since Kusanagi had no idea how a Yukawa this agitated would act, he thought it would be best to not find out at all, at least not right now.

Holding out an arm in front of his friend, Kusanagi said quickly, "Terauchi-san, will you allow us inside, please?"

Yukawa said, his voice sounding unusually harsh to Kusanagi's ears, "What didn't you tell us about him?"

"What – about who? What's going on?" Akiko looked from Yukawa to Kusanagi then to Yukawa again. She wasn't budging from her door.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we need to collect as much information as possible on your son."

"I've told you everything I know! I haven't talked to him for years!"

"Look," Yukawa was speaking very fast, as if his words were bullets he was firing at Akiko. "A policewoman's life is on the line. If you'd given us the information we needed when we'd asked for it – "

"That's enough, Yukawa." Kusanagi cut in firmly. "I'm really sorry about this, Terauchi-san."

"… what's going on?"

With a heavy heart, Kusanagi summarized what Sugiyama had been doing for the past two months. He had no choice but to tell her, if he wanted her to open up at all. He occasionally glanced at Yukawa, whose face didn't move at all, permanently stuck in an icy expression, rather like a marble statue. At this moment, Kusanagi couldn't read his friend's features at all. He was rather afraid to know what Yukawa could possibly be thinking about.

"Terauchi-san, we really need your cooperation. She's important to us and if anything happens to her…" Kusanagi ended up trailing off, despite wanting to have made a more impactful ending to his story. He was starting to feel uncomfortable, despite himself. After all, they were still standing outside her door…

Akiko looked as if she was rather dazed. She'd just been told that Sugiyama had mutilated dozens of innocent animals, attacked a complete stranger for no apparent reason, then gone one to kidnap one of his closest friends.

She spoke slowly, as if in a dream, "He's never had bad intentions." She seemed bizarrely calm.

Kusanagi raised his eyebrow involuntarily. "Ma'am – "

Akiko repeated, louder this time, "He's never had bad intentions, Detective. He just has – inappropriate ways of showing them… "

Yukawa's compressed his lips. Kusanagi could see that he wasn't taking this very well. Another part of him was surprised at the lack of emotion Terauchi was showing – perhaps she had been expecting this sort of thing for a long time. The thought sent a chill through his spine. Carefully, he said, "Do you think you can elaborate on that?"

"I don't know… he doesn't think like the rest of us. Kotarou's very meticulous – often, you don't know what his ulterior motive is until he tells you himself. He comes up with elaborate schemes for very simple goals…"

"He's not purely sadistic, is he." Yukawa suddenly said, surprising Kusanagi. Akiko looked at him, her eyes fixed on the scar on his face, and replied,

"Kotarou's probably more interested in his psychological experiments."

"Are you saying he could be just trying to satisfy his curiosity about a certain topic?"

"Possibly…"

"Just like me…" Kusanagi thought he heard Yukawa say, but it could have just been his imagination.

"He won't want to lose, ever." Akiko said.

Kusanagi interjected, "What do you mean?"

"Until he's achieved what he wants, he won't stop. Ever since he was a boy, he's had that tendency."

Kusanagi ground his teeth in frustration. Yukawa was just looking intently at Akiko with what seemed like renewed interest. "But what is it that he wants?" He mused. It was the question that had been haunting him, Kusanagi and Utsumi for all this time.

"I wouldn't know. But," Akiko looked away for a moment, "I can tell you that this isn't for his personal gain, other than in terms of interest. He never does things for himself."

"Well, if he thinks what he's doing is benefiting anyone in any way, I have to say that he has a pretty twisted sense of morality." Kusanagi said bitterly, and looked to Yukawa. "Oi, what's wrong?"

Yukawa said nothing; his eyes were fixed on something in his hand. It was his cell phone. And then, with startling force, he hurled the phone across the little alleyway and into the opposite brick wall. It clattered to the ground. Akiko's eyes were wide and Kusanagi stared for a moment, dumbfounded. No one moved. After some hesitation, Kusanagi cautiously went to pick it up. The screen was cracked and blank, refusing to turn on when Kusanagi jabbed at the buttons. "Yukawa, what was it?"

His eyes slowly turned to Kusanagi. "The bastard knew we were going to be here. He's been listening in on us this whole time." Yukawa's steely gaze shifted to Akiko. "You're still keeping something from us."

"Yukawa – that's enough – what do you mean, he's listening in - ? "

"He has some apparatuses in place, obviously - damn it, Kusanagi, that's not what's important here." Yukawa's voice was rising. His scar seemed to jump out at Kusanagi, so vivid against his pale face. _Oh, he really doesn't look well..._ Barely taking notice of the detective, Yukawa was facing Terauchi now. "Where is she." His words were suddenly deadly quiet. "He says he told you."

"I had no idea what he was talking about -"

"I don't care, just tell me."

"I –" Terauchi faltered. "I… I swear I didn't know what he was doing. He just called me, I hadn't talked to him for years – "

"I don't need excuses. _Just tell me where he is_." Kusanagi stared at Yukawa; he was obviously having a very difficult time controlling himself. As someone who wasn't used to feeling such strong emotions, there was no way Yukawa could possibly know how to deal with them in times like this.

"He… he said he'd be… some girl's apartment, something of the sort…"

"Utsumi's place." Kusanagi muttered. "We have to get over there, then."

"No," Yukawa said, a pained look suddenly crossing his face, "he said… he said if anyone's there apart from me…"

Kusanagi closed his eyes for a moment. "Of course... The _fucking bastard_."

Without a word, Yukawa turned and started back towards the car. Kusanagi quickly bowed to Akiko and followed after him. As he was doing so, he could hear her saying over and over again, "Kotarou, you naughty boy. Kotarou, you're grounded for the week. Kotarou…"


	9. Trepidation

**Notes: Sorry for taking forever to publish this. My writing is becoming slower and slower these days but at least I've finished this chapter before Christmas! (Merry Christmas to you all! 3) Much like the previous chapter I'm really not satisfied with this but I've just been staring at it for too long that I just need to get this out here.**

**Just a warning; there's cursing in a spot in this chapter and the next will possibly be quite violent. However after that events will slow down and finally, come to a close :) Thanks for following this story this far, everyone, I didn't expect there to be this many reviews!**

**Trepidation**

Yukawa no longer cared about the fact that he was at the front of a classroom full of students; to hell with what they would think. Utsumi Kaoru's terrified face refused to leave his mind's eye and his wound had gotten worse, unsurprisingly - he felt rather ill. He sat with his forehead resting on his clasped hands, gently rocking back and forth in his chair. It did nothing for the pain; as a matter of fact it was only aggravating it with the unnecessary movement. However, Yukawa found that it helped to give himself something other than Utsumi to focus on...

That was probably why he decided to come to work today, despite Kuribayashi and Kusanagi's advice to take a break. He still wouldn't have minded some painkillers… or a bed. A lovely, soft bed.

Yukawa took a deep breath and looked up at his class. He'd assigned them some material to read for the time being, luckily. He couldn't even consider teaching anything right now. This was a third-year class; he couldn't possibly explain advanced theorems in an even remotely intelligible way with his currently detached and physically unwell state. Not that passing his students was high on his list of priorities at this moment, but he found the concept of trying to do something as insignificant as lecturing - while a psycho was still on the loose with Utsumi - to be almost repulsive.

After visiting Terauchi the night before, even Yukawa had to admit that he was not in a state to be able to do anything about Sugiyama immediately. Kusanagi too had concluded that it would be wiser to think through the options before deciding what course of action to take. What Yukawa hadn't told the detective was the time the criminal had invited him to Utsumi's apartment...

Tonight.

His wound was beginning to throb harder and harder, to the extent that breathing normally was becoming a challenge. _God damn it_... The last thing he wanted was to create a commotion in the middle of a lecture. He untangled his fingers and pressed his good hand there, underneath the table - as if that would somehow hold back the discomfort, even though he knew it was futile. Clearly, being so stressed was not helping with the healing process... Yukawa just wanted to squeeze his eyes shut, slam his head against the table, and knock himself unconscious – then he wouldn't have to feel or think about _anything_. It was such an inviting thought that he was seriously considering doing it, even if it would likely result in a concussion or some other head injury…

"Erm… Sensei?" There was a tentative voice from the students. Yukawa, with a huge effort, looked up from staring at the patterns of wood on his table and attempted to locate the owner of the voice. Was that Murase? Was he even in this class? Yukawa couldn't have said.

"Yes?" Yukawa hoped that his voice didn't sound too strained. Unfortunately, it seemed to be on the contrary, judging by the nervous murmur that rippled through the students. _Great..._

"I was just wondering… uh… maybe…"

"We were thinking that maybe it would be a good idea for you to visit the campus hospital, Sensei." Another girl interrupted, finishing the boy's sentence for him. Yukawa couldn't make out her face through the lovely fogginess that had decided to settle over his vision today.

"Yes… perhaps…" He blinked in an attempt to focus his desperately wandering attention. "How's the reading coming along?"

"Fine, Sensei. I think we can cope on our own for now," the same girl replied.

Yukawa felt himself nod vaguely. He didn't want to go to the nurse. It was probably the notion of trying to lie in bed with nothing to distract him from his thoughts; his very confused and frankly terrified thoughts. He would probably suffer some kind of breakdown, which wouldn't help his situation in any way… But his body was protesting so violently against this logical analysis… he simply didn't have the energy to argue with his students nor himself.

Fine, then, the nurse it was.

Yukawa regretted not standing up more slowly. His head pounded and the room lurched before his eyes. He resisted the urge to throw up all over the floor since that would _really_ not help matters. He unconsciously rubbed his abdomen, barely noticing the thirty or so students' eyes concentrate on the movement. Somehow he regained his composure and made it to the nurse without incident. His time there was rather like a blur – he vaguely remembered mumbling a greeting and asking for a bed, which he collapsed into immediately and slept in for a couple hours, soundly, surprisingly enough. Yukawa corrected himself; it wasn't strange at all, considering the overpowering fatigue that had been weighing on his body since his discharge. When he awoke again it was four o'clock in the evening.

Yukawa went back to the lab so that he could pick up his things and leave. He proceeded to pack up his briefcase, slowly but deliberately. He needed time to calm himself. He counted up the reports he'd received from his students that he had yet to mark. Hosoda, Shibata, Nakamura… He cursed; at the moment, he was even having trouble recalling the names of all the students in his seminar. He'd never thought that his significantly powerful brain could fail him in this way. Usually information was neatly filed away inside his head – it had to be, since he had a somewhat photographic memory and was constantly absorbing data from around him. Sugiyama had been the hurricane that had ripped through it, scattering everything… everywhere.

Yukawa ended up shoving most of the papers that were on his table into his briefcase in frustration. He noted that his hands were shaking a little – he couldn't have said why. Perhaps it was due to fatigue. Or perhaps it was because he was supposed to go confront Sugiyama in less than two hours. He still couldn't forget the message that he had received at Akiko's house. It was from an unknown sender but it was obvious who it was. It had simply told Yukawa to "drop by" at "around nine o'clock" tonight. For some reason, however, he had a hunch that Sugiyama wasn't looking to harm Utsumi at all. She was simply a tool to lure in his real prey, Yukawa. Then why wasn't he just bringing Kusanagi and the police with him? What was the logic behind seeking Sugiyama out alone? It was clear that the psycho just wanted to play more games with him. Yet something… something was keeping Yukawa from letting Kusanagi know about this reasoning. He couldn't explain it through logic, so he could only conclude that his emotions were getting in his way again.

"Sensei, do you need help?"

Yukawa had almost forgotten that he wasn't alone in his lab. Kuribayashi had also stayed behind to… "clean up". Yukawa knew that Kuribayashi only wanted to make sure he wasn't getting into any more trouble. Poor Kuribayashi had _no_ idea.

"No, I'm fine, thank you." Yukawa shook his head and shut his briefcase. "I'll be heading back now, Kuribayashi-san. Will you be all right by yourself?"

"Oh, of course. I've asked a few students to come in and help with some of the equipment, too – everything's under control." Kuribayashi answered proudly, and grinned when Yukawa nodded in approval as he left.

Yukawa walked home slowly. The evening air was chilly already, making him hug his overcoat closer to him. The cold was making his body ache; was he getting old already? Perhaps the events of the past few months had accelerated his aging process_. No, maybe the fact that you've irritated the wound again has something to do with it_, Yukawa thought. The doctor was less than happy when he had seen the aggravated injury and had warned him to stay away from any demanding physical activities for the time being… but Yukawa knew that he was most likely going to disobey him again very soon.

His new phone vibrated in his pocket. Yukawa hesitated before reaching for it; every time he received anything on it he assumed there was a chance it could be from Sugiyama. Involuntarily, a sigh of relief escaped him when he saw that it was Kusanagi. "Hello?"

"Hey, Yukawa. How are you doing?"

"Fine." Yukawa could detect Kusanagi's open concern even through the phone. "What is it?"

"Nothing much, really. I was just wondering if you have free time tonight; I want to treat you to dinner."

"Why, all of a sudden?" It was probably an attempt to lift Yukawa's spirits and check on him. He had to admit that he would have seemed quite outwardly depressed for the past day and a half since Utsumi was kidnapped. He'd barely eaten nor spoken at school, save for the lecture he had given that morning. His seminar students were concerned, as well, but they didn't know what had happened…

"Oh, no particular reason."

"Sorry but I have… other plans tonight." Yukawa felt his fist tighten of its own accord as he said this. He didn't like lying, especially to Kusanagi, who trusted him, often so unconditionally.

… Well, technically, he wasn't _actually_ lying…

But he wasn't about to tell him that he was planning to beat Sugiyama to a pulp and bring Utsumi back. He wondered how Kusanagi would react if he found out, and decided not to think about it. Yukawa wasn't willing to do it any other way, however. He needed to see Sugiyama alone and find out his motives were, once and for all.

"Oh… that's too bad, then. Maybe some other time?" There was something peculiar in Kusanagi's voice but Yukawa couldn't quite place it.

"Of course."

"… Yukawa." There was a second of hesitation from Kusanagi's side. Yukawa wouldn't be surprised if Kusanagi, being the detective he was, was already nursing suspicions about Yukawa's so-called "plans" for the night. It didn't matter. He hadn't told his friend what time he was expected by Sugiyama, or what day, for the matter. This was his mission and his alone.

"Mhm?"

"I've heard about you from… well… that doesn't matter." Yukawa heard Kusanagi take a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is that everyone can tell that something's wrong with you. Yukawa. Please. Let us deal with Sugiyama, I promise you that we'll get Utsumi back. I promise we'll get that scumbag's ass in prison. You don't need to destroy yourself over this; it's exactly what he wants! Leave the case to us. You need a rest."

Yukawa was mildly surprised at Kusanagi's almost pleading tone. It wasn't enough to sway him from what he had already decided to do, however. "I'm sorry. I can't do that."

"Goddamn it. Can't you fucking listen to me for once?" _Well._ That was some uncharacteristic profanity. "This won't gain you _anything_."

"You know very well how stubborn I can get, Kusanagi."

Kusanagi made a frustrated noise from the other end. Yukawa pressed his lips together. "Yukawa, you're being stupid. You're being _illogical_."

There was a ringing silence. At last, Yukawa replied, "I know."

"This isn't like you at all."

"I know."

"Please don't, Yukawa. Whatever you're going to do, please don't. You're going to get yourself killed."

"And what about Utsumi, then?"

"I told you, we'll find her!"

"No… Sugiyama won't give her up, not unless I go myself."

"And how the hell would you know this?"

"… Intuition." Yukawa hung up.

When Yukawa got home he set down his briefcase and sat on the couch. He felt strangely calm for someone who was going to meet a psychopathic criminal that had almost killed him in just a few hours. It could have been his recent experiences that had immunized him to Sugiyama's twisted schemes. Or maybe he was just tired. He'd had enough of all this…

It was then his cell phone rang again. Yukawa looked at the caller ID, and froze. Utsumi? Why…?

He picked it up.

"Hello there, Yukawa." Yukawa immediately recognized the silky voice. Hatred was boiling up inside him dangerously; he forced himself to stay calm.

"Sugiyama." He let his voice betray no emotion at all. As if this was just another physics lecture.

"You don't sound like yourself today. Has something happened? Oh, is it your lady friend?"

"We can end this in a more civilized manner if you just hand her back now."

"Nah, that wouldn't be as interesting – and it would probably alter our results. Let's go along with my plan, shall we? You know exactly what you're supposed to do, don't you?" Yukawa didn't reply. Sugiyama continued lightly, "Would you like to chat with her?"

"What?"

"No, really. I'll put her on the line." There was some background noise, and suddenly a shrieking sound that made Yukawa wince, despite himself. It was then he recognized it as Utsumi's voice.

"Utsumi?" Yukawa said huskily into the phone and waited; no reply. He tried again. "Utsumi?"

"Sensei?" It was definitely her. She sounded like she always did, much to Yukawa's intense relief… "Sensei! Please don't come here – please don't – "

Yukawa surprised himself with what he said next. "Utsumi, are you all right?"

This wouldn't help him gain any more much-needed information about their current situation. He could easily predict how Utsumi would answer him. The conclusion was that it wouldn't be of any benefit to him. Yet Yukawa found himself asking her this, with more sincerity than he'd ever had.

"Don't worry about me, Sensei – he'll _kill_ you – "

"Shhh, hush now. We don't want to give too much away." Yukawa heard Sugiyama's voice cutting her off, and then Utsumi, screaming something. Yukawa called out her name into the receiver. He could almost feel the bastard grinning at him again. "I'll see you soon, Yukawa. Look forward to it." The line went dead.

Yukawa slowly set down the phone and breathed deeply. His heart was beating so quickly. He'd never believed that the heart was where emotions were felt; it was simply a powerful mass of muscle that pumped blood. But at this particular moment, the awful constricting sensation in his chest made him think otherwise. Was he wrong about Sugiyama? What if he actually did mean to hurt Utsumi? Should he call Kusanagi…? No. He shook his head. Fear and anger were clouding his judgment. He had to focus.

Yukawa very well knew that it wasn't going to work.

After trying to sit still for a few minutes, Yukawa decided that he couldn't bear it for any longer. He paced around the room furiously until his throbbing abdomen forced him to sit down again. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb, wondering how Utsumi was faring. Did Sugiyama hurt her? What could the bastard have done to her? Yukawa shivered a little and shut his eyes for a moment. _Okay. Calm. You really can't go on like this_.

He had to take action, now.

* * *

><p>When Kusanagi called Yukawa again an hour later, thinking that perhaps the scientist had regained his calm, he got no response. Absolutely none at all. A sense of foreboding creeping into his heart, Kusanagi told Yuge that he had business to take care of and left the police station. He was too late, too late… He should have gone to find Yukawa after their first conversation today... Kusanagi drove to Yukawa's apartment, again ignoring the speed limits – when he got there he rang the intercom. The security guard inside, seeing Kusanagi's obvious distress, let him in, and asked,<p>

"Are you looking for someone, sir?"

"Yes, did Yukawa Manabu leave this building earlier?"

"Yukawa-san? As a matter of fact, yes. I'd say I saw him… perhaps an hour and a half ago? He looked like he was in quite a hurry, which struck me as odd – that man _never_ seems to rush. He didn't tell me where he was off to, though – sir?" Before the man finished talking Kusanagi had already flung himself outside and into his car.

An hour and a half ago. A lot could have happened between then and now. Where could Yukawa have gone? Where Utsumi – or Sugiyama was, of course. Utsumi's apartment. Kusanagi wet his lips, his sweaty palms gripping the steering wheel. _Oh, Yukawa, you can be such an idiot sometimes. What the hell do you think you're doing? We're not going to lose you. We're not going to let Sugiyama do as he pleases with you… not this time._


	10. Illogical

**Notes: Okay, that seriously took way too long. I'm sorry, but I've been flooded with a wave of schoolwork and university applications... and this chapter was pretty hard to do, I still don't like it very much, I feel like it doesn't really... fit. That said, it's our climax which I hope isn't too disappointing but I think it can still use some work... I've decided to publish it now since I think I've spent too much time with it to do much more. Just throwing out a last warning for violence and intensity. After this things will calm down with the final (probably) two chapters.**

**Thanks for the reviews, VesperRegina, WasWoksa (thanks for joining us!) and Ahria! A special extra thanks to VR for continuing to spread the word about this humble story and creating an amazing fanmix for it (it makes the story seem a lot cooler than it is, lol), I recommend you to check it out at her journal!**

**Anyways... yep.**

**Edit: Did one update, correcting a few awkward bits, will probably do more soon.**

**Illogical**

The security guard at Utsumi's apartment wasn't there when Yukawa arrived. He let himself in by waiting for a resident to come in our out – luckily it was six in the evening, and there were a few people coming home from work. Yukawa knew he must have looked conspicuous. He often did, with his height and crisp suits. He didn't care. After all, why should he – it wasn't as if he was committing a crime or anything of the sort. On the contrary... he wanted justice.

His heart was beating fast again. He could barely stand still in the elevator, which he was sharing with a middle-aged woman, looking as if she was just coming back from a shopping trip. Although he wasn't a twitchy person normally, he kept on shifting from foot to foot. She was looking at Yukawa with an inquiring air. When she spoke, he almost jumped out of his skin. He had been feeling very alone in the world, so it was strange to have someone speak with him.

"Sir, I haven't seen you around here. Have you moved in recently?"

"No… I'm visiting… an acquaintance." Yukawa answered, half-hoping he sounded normal. There was a brief and awkward silence before the elevator came to a stop with a _ding_. He was at Utsumi's floor. Feeling a bit weak all of a sudden, he stepped out. _Is this what fear feels like?_

The silence in the hallway was suffocating. Utsumi's apartment was near the end; the walk to it felt like an eternity. Once at the door, he stopped and let out his breath in a low whistle, then tried the doorknob. Not surprisingly, it was unlocked. It opened easily.

Yukawa slowly walked into the room. His eyes darted back and forth, searching for anything that would help him assess this situation. The lights were off. Nothing really seemed awry… except for the ominous stains on the floor, that was. Dark. Blood… Yukawa's stomach churned. Who did it belong to…?

Yukawa held his breath as he proceeded further into the house. Not far into the living room, there were scraps of paper littered all over the floor, presumably Sugiyama's. He glanced down and saw that they were anatomical sketches, some of animals and some of humans. Whoever had drawn them seemed to have considerable skill, but they just made him feel sick. Yukawa inevitably stepped on one of the papers; its crackle seemed to be so loud in the silence of the room.

"You're early."

Yukawa had almost expected Sugiyama's voice right then. Hatred seemed to flood through every fibre of his being. He tried to calm himself. He needed to stay rational.

"I would rather get things over with," Yukawa replied steadily, looking for the source of Sugiyama's voice. A moment later, he emerged from the shadows at the other side of the room, as fluidly as if he'd rehearsed the movement. He came forward and stopped a few feet in front of Yukawa, paper crunching under his feet as he made his way across.

He was looking right into Yukawa's eyes. "You're looking good, Yukawa, how have you been?"

Yukawa didn't answer; he just gritted his teeth and didn't move an inch. Those black eyes were like those of a shark… cold, gleaming, predatory. Every muscle in Yukawa's body was tensed up, but he wasn't quite sure what he was preparing himself for. He at first told himself that it had indeed been stupid of him to just come barging in without a preparation of any kind… but this was Sugiyama Kotarou he was dealing with – unpredictable, rash and completely unbound by logic. Anything could happen. There was just no way to plan ahead.

"We've finally come to the final stage of my experiment. I'm pleased we got this far without much incident. I have to thank you for that." Sugiyama continued lightly. All this talk about experiments was infuriating Yukawa. He didn't like being a psycho's test subject. He was used to being in full control of experiments, not being a part of them.

"Let Utsumi go." Yukawa breathed, ignoring Sugiyama.

He just grinned and fiddled with something in his hand – a knife. _The_ knife. How had he even gotten it back from the autopsy room? He noticed Yukawa's gaze fall upon it and smiled wider.

"You know, I'd use a gun, but a knife is just that much more personal, isn't it? Especially when it's had a taste of you before," Sugiyama murmured as he ran a finger lovingly over the shining blade. "It's strange, I don't think Kaoru-chan liked it much."

Yukawa exploded, "Where is she? _What did you do to her?_"

"C'mon, Yukawa, I'm not going to spoil it for you so early on – "

"Bring her to me. _Now_."

Sugiyama just grinned. Then, Yukawa's eyes wandered to the side for a moment, and something entered his field of vision – it was a bloodied body bag, just about the right size for a petite female…

No.

Utsumi.

_Utsumi_.

Something inside him seemed to snap. A thick veil settled between him and rationality, leaving him alone with nothing but his primal instincts. Yukawa no longer felt he was in control of himself. He lunged forward, forgetting – no, ignoring – the fact that Sugiyama was still holding a knife in front of him.

Later, Yukawa would wonder why he did something so stupid – the knife was clearly in Sugiyama's hand, and his already-battered body was probably not going to be able to take much more punishment – but he was no longer thinking properly. Yukawa managed to strike Sugiyama fully in the face – a satisfactory _thud_ resounded, and Sugiyama's head snapped backwards for a moment. However, as quickly as a striking snake, Sugiyama's knife arm flashed forward. Yukawa found himself pinned to the wall by the right shoulder, the blade embedded in it, rather alarmingly deep.

Crazily, the only thing Yukawa's brain allowed him to comprehend was that he didn't enjoy being stabbed, at all. Especially when it was by Sugiyama Kotarou, the human being he hated most in the entire world, and for the second time at that. The pain he should be feeling was barely there; even when he could see and feel the blood rapidly spreading across his shirt, he couldn't care less. It was as if his mind was entirely elsewhere. But when Sugiyama pushed harder on the knife, some of the agony began to break through the wall blind rage and desperation had formed inside his mind. He needed to act.

In a haze, Yukawa swung his free fist inwards, connecting with Sugiyama's jaw. Letting it continue on its trajectory, Yukawa gripped the hilt of the knife and yanked. It came free with a nasty spurting of blood; for a moment, his vision went white from the pain. Before he could use the knife that had come into his hand, Sugiyama hit him again, making the weapon clatter to the floor.

Strangely enough, what Yukawa noticed first was that Sugiyama seemed as if he was hugely satisfied with… something. And then, astonishingly quickly, he swung his arm outwards and struck Yukawa right back across the face. He fell back, momentarily stunned, but tried to keep a hold of Sugiyama's collar. All the same, he pulled himself free with a grunt and forced Yukawa against the tiled floor. His right arm was throbbing brutally every time he moved and he felt the fire returning to his stomach. But, he wasn't finished. Far from it. The rage was overpowering him. There was going to be nothing between him and revenge. He wanted to hurt Sugiyama as badly as he possibly could. He wanted him to suffer. He wanted to destroy him, just like Sugiyama had done to Yukawa… and Utsumi.

Her face flashed through his mind again and he could hear yelling – it took a moment to realize that it was his own voice. It could have been words or perhaps fragments of sentences, but later, Yukawa couldn't have said exactly what he screamed at Sugiyama that night. Yukawa kicked Sugiyama off of him and struggled upright. Sugiyama had dragged himself back up to his feet, and Yukawa followed after him. He recalled all martial arts experience he had in the past, even if none of those styles he learned were meant for aggressively inflicting harm. However, Sugiyama didn't seem like he knew nothing about fighting, either. Yukawa knew he needed to end this soon. He was losing blood. His body couldn't take much more abuse.

Sugiyama launched a kick towards Yukawa's midsection, exactly where he had wounded him before. Almost immediately afterwards, another one landed, and by the third blow all Yukawa wanted was to rid himself of the pain. It was funny how humans, even when they were the most technologically and intellectually advanced animals in the world, still couldn't hold a candle to raw physical discomfort. Blindly, Yukawa scrambled away from Sugiyama, his arm protecting his vulnerable stomach. When he'd regained his bearings Sugiyama was striking out with that accursed knife of his again. Yukawa rolled to the side and managed to narrowly avoid the blade; at the same time he staggered back up to his feet. He grabbed Sugiyama's wrist with his left hand and twisted hard. There was a nasty cracking noise; Sugiyama yelled and his knife clattered to the floor.

Yukawa snatched up the knife, drove his good shoulder into Sugiyama's chest and flattened him against the opposite wall. He noted that his right arm wasn't responding to his commands properly – only in odd twitches and jerks. Yukawa brought up his left forearm and pressed it against Sugiyama's throat, the knife still clenched in the same hand. He set its point against where Sugiyama's heart would be beating in its ribcage. Both men were breathing hard. All Yukawa had to do was plunge the blade into the bastard, and it would be over. Done for good.

But he couldn't. Not yet. He wanted answers.

"Tell me, Sugiyama. Tell me everything."

"You've got to be more specific than that, Yukawa." Sugiyama, despite everything, just smirked. Yukawa gritted his teeth, and felt his muscles tighten even more. "What's wrong? Try me."

"I want to know why you chose me."

Sugiyama grinned. "Just because. I was bored and you were such an interesting psychological specimen."

"What made me so special to you?"

"There aren't that many people like you, Yukawa. You seemed to have perfect control over the most raw and animal aspects of yourself. And then I noticed where you showed emotion – when you found out that Utsumi-chan was going to stay untouched. I figured she was very important to you. Knowing that, and your other biggest fear – of not knowing – made tormenting you easy. Too easy." Yukawa drew in his breath sharply – this man had seen right through him. Well, he _was_ a psychologist… but, still… Sugiyama licked his lips. "I wanted to see how far I could push you. So far, you haven't disappointed."

"That's it? That's why you went through all this trouble?"

"It was worth it. I've never had this much fun in my life." At this, the rage inside Yukawa flared up once more. For _fun_. He did this all_ for fun_. He did everything he had done in the 13th laboratory that night _for_ _fun_, he had kidnapped Utsumi and then disposed of her _for fun_.

Yukawa pushed Sugiyama down to the floor, his weight and the knife keeping him perfectly still where he was.

"Yes… this is how it should be." Sugiyama whispered, another smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Can you do it?"

"I'm going to kill you. Slowly. Like you did to those animals. Like you probably did to Utsumi."

"Go for it," Sugiyama said quietly. "Do you have what it takes?"

Yukawa was just about to shove the knife into Sugiyama's chest in answer when he was suddenly yanked backwards by someone behind him. He would have been able to resist had he not been grabbed by the bad shoulder. He shouted out and whipped around, expecting to be facing one of Sugiyama's henchmen. Instead, he saw Utsumi Kaoru, her hands covered in what he could only assume was his own blood.

His mind, once again, just went blank. _She was supposed to be dead_.

* * *

><p>Utsumi had to ignore Yukawa for a moment. She could see Sugiyama getting up against the wall, and much to her horror, he was reaching into his pocket for something, presumably another weapon. Before she fully knew what she was doing, Utsumi's hands had moved of their own accord, grabbing the pistol that she had noticed Sugiyama placing on a nearby table earlier – before anyone else could move, she had squeezed the trigger –<p>

The gunshot was deafening. Sugiyama fell, holding his leg where Utsumi had just shot him. She was surprised that she hadn't missed. Her hands were still numb from being bound for so long. Adrenaline and desperation did wonders.

"… Utsumi." Yukawa was acting as if Sugiyama wasn't there. He looked as if he was in a daze. He took a step towards her, swaying a little as he did so. "I thought… I thought you were dead."

"What…" It was then Utsumi saw the body bag on the floor in a corner. Her first instinct was to gag, but then she knew immediately afterwards that whatever – or whoever – was inside was close to her size. It was intentional on Sugiyama's part. Of course.

Yukawa seemed to have realized his mistake soon afterwards. Utsumi couldn't even imagine what he'd be feeling, having fallen for such an obviously simple trick in his blind rage. He had turned, and upon seeing the man on the floor, started towards him again. "Sugiyama, you…" He managed to take two steps before the exhaustion brought him down – Utsumi rushed forward to try and support him before he fell, but only half-succeeded, catching him under the arms. Her knees gave way under his weight and they both ended up in a tangled heap on the floor. Utsumi struggled out from under him and desperately called his name; much to her relief he was still responsive. "I… I have to kill him…"

She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him back. He was struggling with surprising strength against Utsumi's restraint, clawing at the floor. "Sensei, stop!"

"_Let go!_"

Utsumi refused to do so. "I'm not going to let you become a murderer!"

"_Why do you care?_" Yukawa hissed, sounding less and less like himself with every syllable. The pure bloodlust in his eyes told Utsumi that he every intent to kill Sugiyama Kotarou by any means possible. Utsumi could also feel that he was weakening – there was a considerable amount of blood glistening on his shoulder. All the same, he wasn't stopping. She knew how stubborn he was. He wasn't going to let anything get in his way…

Utsumi had hoped she didn't have to resort to what she was about to do but it seemed that she had no other choice. With a deep breath, she balled up her fist. _Sensei, I care because I care. How am I supposed to have a 'logical' reason for that?_

She struck him hard at his bad shoulder.

He choked and his body almost convulsively curled into a ball, his free hand going clutching at the wound. Guilt was crushing Utsumi once again but she didn't miss this opportunity to haul him back and away from the psychopath. She took him by the collar and maintaining a steely note in her voice, she said,"Sensei. _Get a grip_."

There was silence. For a moment, no one moved.

And then, Utsumi felt all the tension leave Yukawa's body in an instant. She sensed an air of resignation in him. Wordlessly, she helped him sit up, and propped him up against a nearby wall.

Sugiyama started to laugh. It was terrifying, partly because Utsumi had no idea what could possibly be so funny to him. He'd lost. She was safe, Yukawa now away from harm's way and he was lying there with a busted leg, ready to be shipped off to prison. What was so funny about that?

"Make him stop," Yukawa's face twisted, "make him stop."

Utsumi took up her pistol again and went over to the psycho. He looked up at her and laughed harder. His bloody, gleeful face made Utsumi feel nauseous. It was a face she'd been forced to look at for far too long. Holding the gun by the barrel, Utsumi swiftly clobbered his head with its butt. Sugiyama was finally quiet. After handcuffing the man, Utsumi went back and knelt next to Yukawa.

His eyes were fixed on her. "Utsumi." He reached out with his good hand and, almost tentatively, touched her cheek, leaving behind a smear of blood on her skin. He felt her flinch, but he had to make sure she was really there. He had to make sure that this wasn't another one of Sugiyama's elaborate tricks. "Utsumi… I'm glad you're safe."

"S-sensei… I was so scared…" Utsumi let the tears she'd been holding in for all this time flow.

"…me too."

He pulled her close, wrapping his good arm around her. He didn't want to let her out of his sight again. She sobbed softly against his chest, and for a moment, Yukawa allowed himself to close his eyes and breathe slowly. At the same time, he hoped that his heart had slowed down by now so that Utsumi would never know how hard and fast it had been beating for the past day and a half.

"I'm so sorry." It hurt to speak but he had to. Hell, it was hurting to stay awake, _but he had to_. "And thank you."

"What are you saying, Sensei?" Utsumi's voice was muffled against his shirt. "You may be a genius, but you're _such_ an idiot sometimes."

And suddenly, he felt moisture trail down his face. Damn his tear ducts, they were overreacting… He wasn't sure whether it was from his shoulder, which felt like it was on fire, or if it was something… else. Before he knew it he was shaking hard, and Utsumi was still refusing to let go of him. He let himself cry into her. There had been just too much pain, too much rage, too much fear… too much for even Yukawa Manabu to handle.

He felt so humiliated yet… strangely liberated at the same time. He knew he had no real reason to be embarrassed. It was Utsumi and Utsumi alone who was sharing this moment with him.

"You'll pay for any damages to my house, won't you?" Utsumi said.

Despite all that had happened, Yukawa managed a chuckle. Somehow, he knew things between them weren't going to be very different from before.


	11. Warmth

**Notes: Yay! I'm finished all but one university applications, so it looks like I'll have more time on my hands! I'm sorry to keep you all waiting. These slow-down chapters are harder to write for me than I thought. Writer's block + uni + grade 12 general business = no chapter for over a month D: I also feel apologetic that this chapter's on the shorter side and not much actually happens in it. I hope you still enjoy it, and I'm sorry, I couldn't resist the Yukawa x Utsumi opportunities here XD**

**Warmth**

Yukawa awoke to an unfamiliar warm sensation in his hand. It had been a long time since he'd felt anything quite like it… he couldn't place exactly what it was. That was the first thing he noticed, rather than the searing, pulsating ache in his shoulder. He cracked open an eye, and as he'd expected, he saw the vague outlines of what could only be a hospital ward.

There was a muffled noise. A voice – a woman's voice. Yukawa let his eyes travel to his side, where Utsumi Kaoru had obviously made herself at home. There were the remains of an instant noodle cup on the bedside table and some onigiri wrappers, as well as a folded newspaper.

_Ah. It's the warmth of another human being_.

Her hand, looking so small and fragile, was tightly gripping Yukawa's uninjured one, even as she seemed to be slumbering with her head resting on the bed and against his upper leg. Yukawa noted that it looked like an exceedingly uncomfortable position to be sleeping in. Her head was moving as she muttered more things in her sleep.

Both their palms were damp with perspiration and his fingers were numb – who knew how long Utsumi had been here for, clutching his hand like that.

Yukawa's first instinct was to tense up like how he did during physical interactions that he found uncomfortable – which, for him, was almost always the case. But, remembering how Utsumi's cheek felt under his fingers when she'd saved him from the depths of his own rage – how oddly comforting her touch had been in aftermath of the night – he grudgingly decided that letting her hold his hand couldn't be such a terrible thing after all.

Yukawa relaxed. He let his heavy lids close and drifted off into a blissful drug-induced sleep once more.

* * *

><p>Kusanagi noticed that Yukawa was beginning to stir – the anesthetic seemed to be wearing off, as the nurse had told him earlier. Yukawa was frowning, in contrast to the expression of serenity he'd had for the last half hour. Cautiously, Kusanagi called his name.<p>

"They didn't want to drug you up as much as they did last time," Kusanagi said as Yukawa blinked blearily at him. "They said you'd be a bit sore."

Yukawa grimaced and shifted in his bed. "Just a little bit."

"Are you all right? Should I get the nurse?" Kusanagi didn't quite know where to look. He knew that Yukawa wasn't very fond of being stared at, so he settled on fixing his eyes on the fascinatingly patterned blanket Yukawa was under.

"No. No, I'm fine." Kusanagi didn't believe him but he had no intention to deal with the nurses at the moment, either. A moment of silence passed between them. Kusanagi was wondering what he should say – there was so much he wanted to tell his friend but he didn't know how to start without overwhelming him. He realized that Yukawa was looking pointedly at him, and he sighed, knowing that everything on his mind must be showing on his face. "Okay, well, I suppose you want to be updated."

"Actually… no. Not yet." Yukawa startled him by saying this. The physicist simply lay back on his pillow and closed his eyes. "I'm tired."

"Oh… okay." Kusanagi blinked. It was so unlike Yukawa to not be demanding information from him.

"… is Utsumi-kun all right?"

"Yeah. She's fine. She wasn't hurt at all…" Kusanagi trailed off, not wanting to mention Sugiyama's name just yet.

Yukawa nodded slowly. There was more quiet. He finally asked, "How long has it been?"

"Just a couple hours. It's almost midnight."

"Ah."

"You don't need to stay as long, this time, if that's what you're wondering. They said if you're careful – unlike last time – you'll be good to leave in a couple days."

"No, that wasn't what I was thinking. But good to know, all the same. I honestly don't feel so bad…" Yukawa smirked. Kusanagi was glad to see some kind of expression cross his friend's face, even if he was being mocked.

"You look terrible, just so you know."

"I suppose we can't expect otherwise." Yukawa began to shrug but stopped, his face twisting and free hand going to his shoulder, which Kusanagi knew had been quite abused by Sugiyama's knife. The blade had gone almost completely through, and Yukawa pulling it out hadn't helped lessen the damage. 'The damn thing would've prevented all that blood loss if had stayed in there,' Kusanagi remembered the doctors saying. _It's so like him to do something like that, the stubborn arse_, Kusanagi sighed inwardly.

"Yukawa, don't be stupid and keep still," Kusanagi grumbled, not betraying any of his concern.

Yukawa just muttered something and turned away to look out the window, through which city lights were still streaming in. Kusanagi couldn't have guessed what was going through the physicist's head at the moment. Was he recalling the night's events? Was he thinking of Utsumi Kaoru? Or was his mind on Sugiyama, who had made this case so personal for him?

"Utsumi was here, by the way," Kusanagi tried to inject some conversation back into the room, "and had a little sleepover."

Yukawa gave no visible response, but only said, "I know."

Kusanagi was surprised again. "How?"

In answer, Yukawa just smiled – to Kusanagi, it somehow seemed different from his usual sarcastic grins.

* * *

><p>Utsumi hugged the giant teddy bear close to her chest as she pushed her way through the hospital halls. She almost giggled to herself, imagining what sort of face Yukawa might make in response to the thing. For all she knew, there was no scientific explanation for the existence of stuffed animals. Yukawa didn't like anything that couldn't be explained logically… but then Utsumi wondered if that had changed in him at all, since that night. But then, which night, exactly? When he'd first met Sugiyama Kotarou, or their last encounter at her apartment?<p>

Thoughts of Sugiyama weighed heavily on her. They had arrested him and interrogated him, but something still felt off. It wasn't that he didn't speak – on the contrary, Sugiyama had confessed and told the police, in detail, of his crimes, given the list of his accomplices and the locations of the people he had kidnapped. Utsumi was ashamed to have forgotten about Sugiyama's other victims entirely, with the psycho seeming to focus so intently on Yukawa Manabu. Sugiyama had indeed been behind those disappearances in Tokyo. After attacking Yukawa, Sugiyama had his henchmen snatch random people off the streets, but strangely enough they were largely unharmed, considering what he did to Yukawa and the animals. That was, with the exception of that poor woman who Sugiyama had used as Utsumi's decoy in that body bag…

Utsumi wondered if Sugiyama had any sort of interest in anyone other than Yukawa. The kidnapping victims had reportedly only been confined and intimidated, but not subject to much else. They probably would all need to consult with psychiatrists, however… Utsumi did recall that Sugiyama was more interested in the psychological aspects of people, and that the only reason he'd gone so far with Yukawa was probably to break him. He'd almost succeeded.

Something about Sugiyama's testimony didn't sit well with Utsumi. She still didn't know why he did what he did to Yukawa. He'd claimed that it was for nothing but for his pleasure. She didn't believe him. What would Yukawa think?

And Terauchi Akiko. She had been taken into custody as well Sugiyama had testified that he had used his mother's house as a storage and workplace – with her knowledge. It was true. Terauchi had seen him and his henchmen carry in all sorts of suspicious objects into her basement, even including captives and a corpse. Of course, she wasn't quite in the right mind, having suffered abuse from both her late husband and son… The court would have to make its judgment.

Deep in her thoughts, Utsumi hadn't realized that her feet had carried her all the way to Yukawa's ward already. She knocked, with some difficulty due to the bear in her arms, and pushed the door open. "Sensei? It's me, Utsumi."

He looked up from what looked like a complex-looking physics textbook. How he could read something like that for leisure when he was hospitalized was beyond her. He'd never change. It made her glad to see this, especially after the moment of vulnerability he'd shown her that night. If he felt differently about himself since then, he was doing an excellent job of hiding it. Neither of them had mentioned it to the other since it happened. "Utsumi-kun?" His arm was in a sling and his face was adorned with several band-aids, and bruises but he looked decent for the most part.

"I brought you something, Sensei!" Utsumi beamed, coming towards him and dumping the bear in his lap. The look that crossed his face made her laugh out loud. He just shook his head but she didn't miss the grin briefly steal over his lips.

He was holding it like he would something he'd concocted in a test tube… this was the image that immediately came to Utsumi's mind, before she remembered that he wasn't a chemist. "And what exactly am I going to use this for?"

Utsumi rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you never had a stuffed teddy bear when you were little."

Yukawa didn't say anything but just pouted, almost like a disgruntled child. Utsumi grinned. "So, Sensei, what are you up to?"

"I would think that would be a more appropriate question for me to ask you, considering I've been stuck here for the past two days." He was still examining the teddy bear, poking at its generously stuffed belly. "I can't even imagine how much you paid for this."

"Oh, you wouldn't want to know." Utsumi said cheerfully. Then she looked down at her feet. "I haven't been doing much since… that night, actually, things have slowed down a lot at Kaizuka."

"Why?" Yukawa raised an eyebrow.

"He won't talk any more to anyone else… but you, or so he says." They both very well knew who 'he' was. It was just that she never wanted to taste that name on her tongue ever again. She hadn't yet told Yukawa everything that had happened after the night. To be honest, even she found it all rather overwhelming. The feeling in her gut when they'd gone to investigate Terauchi's house, and discovered those fridges full of dead animals, right below where she and Yukawa had sat when they visited the old woman… Sugiyama had said that his purpose on doing those was to perfect his so-called 'techniques'. It made Utsumi feel sick to the stomach. He knew a remarkable amount about anatomy and non-fatal methods that inflicted maximum pain. She had to remind herself that if Sugiyama and his henchmen hadn't practiced on those animals, Yukawa would have never survived. It was only after interrogating him that Utsumi realized that Yukawa had been very precisely stabbed so no major organs would be damaged. In Sugiyama's eyes, everything was planned. But what was the master plan exactly?

"Mhm." Yukawa set the bear down next to him. "I suppose I should go see him when I'm better, then." He looked expectantly at her.

"Sensei -" Utsumi began.

"I want to talk to him again."

Utsumi had figured this would be the case. She just nodded. "I'll take you." He deserved to know the truth. If Sugiyama wasn't talking to the police, he would probably talk to Yukawa, whom he obviously held in special regard for whatever reason it was. "But remember, I'm going to closely monitor you and make sure you're following all of our policies – I'm not going to get in trouble with the higher-ups again because of you, remember last time when you…" Utsumi trailed off when she looked over at him again. He'd miraculously fallen asleep in those couple of seconds, when she was trying to talk some sense into him_. As per usual_, Utsumi sighed.

Though she did have to admit, it was interesting to see _the_ Professor Galileo sleeping with his arm around an oversized teddy bear. She regretted not bringing her camera with her. She could have teased him about this for the next year and a half.


	12. Aftermath

**Aftermath**

Kusanagi wasn't at all surprised to find Utsumi sitting in the chair beside Yukawa's bed. He seemed to be asleep and she was reading something that wasn't a police report for once – it looked like a romance novel. Kusanagi knocked softly on the doorframe to alert her to his presence and walked in, carrying the files from Kuribayashi that Yukawa had asked for earlier.

"Here again, Kaoru?" Kusanagi sighed, putting the files down on the bedside table. "He'll be out of here soon, you know. I thought I told you."

"You did, but still." Utsumi said, looking up at him. "I think he prefers my company to the nurses'. You could almost say they harass him with their pampering. I thought he was just being whiney at first, but they really _are_ quite annoying…"

"Typical." Kusanagi looked over at his sleeping friend and wondered where that ridiculously gigantic stuffed bear in his arm had come from. In reply to the look he gave her, Utsumi just grinned.

"What brings you here, Kusanagi-san?" she said instead.

He jerked his thumb back at the stack of papers on the table. "Yukawa asked for those. Just thought I'd drop by and say hi as well. Pity he's not awake."

Utsumi pursed her lips. "Did you have anything to tell him?"

"Not in particular..." Kusanagi hesitated. "But… I do want to know what happened at your place."

The room was silent save for the sound of Yukawa's breathing and the steady beeping of the heart rate monitor. Kusanagi shifted from foot to foot. He knew that Utsumi would be reluctant to give him the details of whatever happened at her apartment… or perhaps she really didn't know much of it at all. It was difficult to judge whose account was the most accurate. Sugiyama was not to be trusted, Utsumi was badly shaken from the whole incident and Yukawa had been still very much under the influence of drugs at the time, if Kusanagi recalled correctly. He had also gotten the distinct impression that his friend was leaving something out, but he couldn't quite pinpoint what it might be.

Utsumi didn't say anything. Under the pressure of Kusanagi's firm look she finally said, "I don't think I can speak for Yukawa-sensei, Kusanagi-san. I already told you, I didn't see much of what happened. Only he knows. But if he doesn't wish to tell you… there's really nothing I can do."

"Kaoru – "

"It wouldn't aid your investigations at all, would it?" Utsumi cut him off, the faintest hint of anger tinting her voice. "Sugiyama's arrested, you have piles of evidence, witness accounts and confessions from him – there's not much more you need."

"No… it's not that…" Kusanagi cast his eyes down. "I just wanted to know. As a friend."

"He won't tell you anything, Kusanagi-san…" Utsumi exhaled. "…he was _crying_."

For a moment, Kusanagi was at a loss for words. He'd known Yukawa for a long time, and not once he'd actually see his friend shed tears for any occasion other than peeling onions or the assault of his springtime allergies. Well, not that Yukawa was the one to let anyone into his personal life, but still… It took a lot to make Yukawa Manabu cry – that Kusanagi knew for sure. It would be cruel to question him further about what had happened between him and Sugiyama…

Kusanagi wordlessly turned back to his friend. To be honest, that had only made him even more curious, but he promised himself not to bring the matter up again.

Yukawa shifted and murmured something in his sleep. Kusanagi, despite himself, couldn't help but smile when he saw Yukawa pull the bear closer to his chest. "Well, I guess I should be going now… I still haven't filed a report for Sugiyama's arrest, so I should probably get around to doing that…"

Utsumi nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, then." She went back to her book as Kusanagi left. He was almost halfway down the hall when he heard her call his name, her head poking out of the door to the ward.

He turned and walked back to her. "What is it?"

"Do you have a camera on you by any chance?"

"Why?"

"I'd like some high-resolution photos."

"Photos of what?" Kusanagi was bemused. However, after seeing the mischevious grin spread across her face, he decided not to ask.

* * *

><p>Yukawa was awake when Kusanagi came in the following evening. He was with a nurse; his expression was one of almost laughable discomfort. Well, the way she was bending over him, and the fact that he only had half a shirt on… even Kusanagi had to admit that he wouldn't like that much. Presumably, Yukawa was having his shoulder re-dressed, and he caught sight of Kusanagi right away. Kusanagi could have sworn that Yukawa's glare had carried a physical force, holding him back from walking any closer.<p>

"Should I wait outside?" Kusanagi asked.

The nurse looked up, just having noticed the detective's presence. "Oh, hello, Kusanagi-san!" Had he been coming here enough to be recognized already? Before the woman could say anything, Yukawa grunted,

"No, just come in."

Kusanagi did so. He sat on the other side of the bed, maintaining a respectable distance from his friend. He glanced over, and winced a little when he saw the wound. Of course, he'd expected as much. He'd seen knife injuries before. However, it was different to see it on Yukawa as opposed to on dead bodies in the autopsy room. It looked like the blade had entered below the collarbone, at the deltoid. It wasn't just a slit, a clean stab wound, but rather, it seemed as though the knife had been twisted and turned instead of pulled straight out. The stitches holding it closed were still in, and somehow Kusanagi knew the healing process still had a long way to go.

"So have you just come to stare?" Yukawa said irritably.

Kusanagi shook his head. "_Actually_, no." He cleared his throat. "I wanted to tell you how stupid it was of you to run into Utsumi's place like you did." Kusanagi was determined to maintain a firm tone. Yukawa, this time with an expression of mild interest, looked up again.

"I've already been told that by Utsumi-kun."

"No harm in hearing it again, so it can stay in that oversized brain of yours."

"As I've already said, what else could I have done – _ouch!_" Kusanagi jumped – the nurse apologized profusely, but Yukawa ignored her and went on – "You might have done something similar had you been in my situation."

"That's not the point – "

"It's all over now. Everything worked out fine."

"There were a million ways it could have gone wrong. What I'm saying is that you're incredibly lucky you made it out in one piece."

"And?"

"And…" Kusanagi hesitated. "…and, well, I was worried. Everyone was. Hell, even Yuge-san was and he doesn't even know you."

Yukawa said quietly, "Your point being?"

"Just… just don't do anything like that ever again. Please."

After a moment, Yukawa said, "I can't promise you anything."

"What, you planning to get tangled up with another psychotic killer sometime soon?" Exasperation crept into Kusanagi's voice.

Yukawa replied, his expression not changing but a hint of wry humour in his tone, "Who knows."

Kusanagi decided to drop the subject for now. He didn't fancy launching into a discussion about sadistic criminals while the nurse was still here with them. He reached into his bag and took something out; a scientific journal, he assumed, with a title he couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"Jonouchi-san asked me to give this to you. She thinks it might be of interest to you, and said that perhaps it can keep you company until you're discharged. She also apologizes if you've already read it."

Yukawa's eyes swept over the title, and he smiled. "Impressive – she knows me well, considering how little we've conversed. I've been meaning to purchase this issue for a while – thank her for me, will you?"

"Sure." Kusanagi set the book down on the bedside table. "What's it even about?"

The pompous bastard acted as if it was the simplest question in the world. "It's on the cover. The latest developments of electron spin resonance-scanning tunneling microscopy – "

"I'm sorry I asked."

The nurse had finally finished whatever she had been doing this whole time and helped Yukawa get his arm back into its sleeve. Kusanagi felt a twinge of sympathy when he saw how obviously difficult it was for Yukawa to achieve this simple task, but he stayed silent and waited for the nurse to leave. When she was gone, he took something else out of his bag – it was a miniature chessboard.

"I've practiced in an online chess club for the past couple months, so I wanted to see how much I've improved." Kusanagi offered an explanation to Yukawa's questioning look – the physicist knew how much Kusanagi disliked the game.

"We'll see, then." With his good hand, Yukawa helped Kusanagi set up the board. They played several rounds, all of which Kusanagi lost – but he noted, with pride, that the games weren't quite as crushingly short as they used to be. Or, perhaps, Yukawa was just going easy on him. Kusanagi was content with thinking it was the former.

* * *

><p>It was a clear and crisp autumn day. The trees were bare, having dropped all their leaves, and the breeze was chilling – unusually so. Utsumi wondered if it would snow anytime soon. Then she remembered it was only October. It seemed like it would be far later than that. The summer felt like it was ages ago, even with its gruesome events...<p>

She found Yukawa leaning against the railing of the pond in the garden, quite alone. The first thought that struck her was that it was unlike him to be outside right now. He preferred warmth, didn't he? It was a cold day and he had nothing on but his hospital garments and one of his coats draped over his shoulders. He didn't seem to notice; he was intently focused on the pond before him. As she went closer Utsumi saw that he was staring at the _koi_ that were populating the pond - flashes of orange, red, white and the occasional black, so bright in the murky water. He was leaning rather awkwardly against the railing due to his maimed arm, still in a sling.

Utsumi called out to him; he looked up and around to see her; mild surprise flickered through his face. "Fancy seeing you here."

"I was going to say the same to you. I thought you didn't like the cold." Utsumi said, coming up next to him by the edge of the pond. "What are you doing out here, Sensei?"

"Watching the fish, as you can see."

"Really?"

"Why?" Yukawa frowned at her obvious dubiousness. All the same, Utsumi knew that he couldn't possibly be finding fish that interesting. After maintaining a stubborn silence, Yukawa gave a little sigh and looked back down at the fish. "I need some time away from… everyone." Utsumi wasn't at all surprised by his answer. He looked so mournful, almost comically so – but Utsumi knew how much of an agony everything must have been for Yukawa, who valued solitude.

Utsumi's glance was drawn down to the water when she heard a splash at its surface. She said, "It's their job, Sensei... but I feel you. Sort of."

In reply, he just shook his head. After a few moments, he said, rather absently, "I was wondering about something. Sugiyama made a remark about me having not gotten his 'note'." He turned to look at Utsumi. "Did you have anything to do with that?"

Utsumi averted his gaze. "Well… I thought it would be better if you didn't see…"

He snorted softly. "I figured. Are detectives supposed to just pocket possibly crucial evidence?"

"How would you have reacted if you'd received a note covered in blood right after you threw up in the autopsy room?" She shot back.

Yukawa's brows furrowed in answer; that was something he couldn't counter. Changing the subject, he asked, "Have you made any progress with Sugiyama?" He was rubbing his bandaged knuckles. Apparently he'd fractured a couple of them as well; it wasn't very surprising. Throwing a punch wasn't as easy as it looked on television – in reality, it could hurt the attacker just as much as the person he was hitting, especially if he was untrained…

Utsumi hesitated. She could feel his eyes locked onto her, unmoving. "He's just waiting for you. He won't talk any more."

Yukawa didn't say anything. He was looking across the pond again, looking far into the distance and frowning – Utsumi could tell that he was deep in thought. At last, he said, "When can I see him?"

"If we pick a date in advance, I can take you," Utsumi said quietly.

His lips pursed. "Give me some time. I want to think things over."

"In two week's time, then?"

"Will do."

There was a moment of silence as Yukawa's eyes shifted back to the fish. Utsumi desperately wanted to know what he was thinking but knew better than to ask. She mustn't push him… he'd open up to her, perhaps, when he felt ready, if ever.

"Sensei… what happened between you and him, in my house – " she hesitated again, " – are you all right?"

Yukawa looked at her, his expression solemn. "I will be. Probably."

The words hung between them. "... we should be heading back inside." Utsumi noticed that he was shivering. The stupid, _stupid_ professor… how long had he been out here for? "Stop overexerting yourself, Sensei. I don't want to be sitting with you in the back of an ambulance again. I've done that twice already and I think twice was enough." Utsumi shuddered involuntarily. Those were not happy memories.

Yukawa glanced back at her again. Without a doubt, he was also remembering – probably the sensation of the circulation in his hand being cut off by Utsumi gripping it tightly as they were being driven to the hospital, after Sugiyama's arrest. That was, of course, if all those drugs they'd pumped him with hadn't already taken effect by then.

He shifted his right arm, a wince passing over his features as he did so. He ignored Utsumi's concerned look. She bit her lip; he still looked rather unwell. She wondered if it was really all right for him to leave the hospital so soon, but she told herself that it would probably be better for his sanity to get out as quickly as he could.

He determinedly started making his way away from the railing. Utsumi noticed his slight limp – he still favoured his left side due to his first knife wound. She made a gesture to try and help him but he shied away and shook his head. As they were walking back, Utsumi asked, "So what're you going to tell them this time? It's not the first time you snuck out, is it?"

Yukawa glanced at her. He frowned. "How do you know?"

"Oh, was I right? I just guessed. Go figure, it's just something I felt you'd do." Utsumi couldn't help but grin.

"I'm glad you're so satisfied about that," Yukawa grumbled. "But I think I'll be fine with my sleepwalking story for now."

Utsumi opened her eyes wide, incredulous. "They actually buy that? That you can sleepwalk to your coat, put it on, then sleepwalk outside and then sleepwalk back to your room?"

"First of all, they wouldn't know where exactly I went, unless they want to check the security cameras – and secondly, some people manage even more complex actions while allegedly unconscious. Haven't you heard of that case in 1981 in Arizona where a man was accused of killing his wife while sleepwalking? Or the one in England in 1991 where someone hit his girlfriend on the head with a wine bottle and tape recorder? Or – "

"Okay, I get the idea." Utsumi shuddered. _Leave it to Yukawa-sensei to bring up something like that on the topic of sleepwalking_. "But I really didn't know people could do those things in their sleep…"

"Well, for most of these kinds of incidents, the sleepwalking can be considered a form of insanity, so I wouldn't consider it normal." Yukawa suddenly smirked. "But of course, this isn't the psychiatric ward I'm in, so I'm sure the nurses wouldn't know enough to begin to question my mental health anytime soon." He gave a little sigh. "Although at this rate, that might change, too."

Utsumi rolled her eyes. "Sensei, you're terrible." She didn't say that if it were her in his shoes, she probably would have done something similar.

* * *

><p>Yukawa hadn't slept well tonight, either. As much as he wanted to think that he wasn't traumatized by his experiences of the past few months, he knew it was simply not true. Sugiyama visited him in his dreams more often than he would have liked. He wasn't <em>afraid<em> of him – at least not in the traditional sense. What was truly unsettling for Yukawa were the obvious changes the psychopath had made to him, to his life, and the dreams only confirmed this fear. Yukawa wasn't used to having vivid dreams, but now he often found himself being jolted awake at nights, in a cold sweat and half-expecting Sugiyama to be looming over his bed, grinning with his knife in hand. That coupled with his aching shoulder and belly normally made it difficult to fall asleep again.

A week and a half had gone by since Sugiyama was arrested. Yukawa had been allowed to be discharged only three days ago, and he wasn't quite sure how he felt about going back to work, but he could feel his subconscious was itching to do… something, anything but lying or sitting in bed all day, combating boredom. Of course, his productivity level wouldn't be quite as high as it used to be due to his impaired arm, it would be far better than dilly-dallying at home. He had been given another week of sick leave but he came to the decision that he didn't need it. He wasn't ill; it was just his shoulder that was giving him absolutely no mercy. He could cope with that.

He looked in the mirror. He couldn't say that he enjoyed looking as if he had just emerged from a yakuza gang fight. Several bruises had joined the cut on his face. His torso looked as if it had been used as a punching bag – which, essentially, it had, by Sugiyama. He couldn't even recall where some of the smaller lacerations and breaks in the skin had come from. Perhaps from the glass coffee tables, picture frames or vases they had managed to smash in the chaos. With a finger, he slowly traced the still-raw gash at his stomach. It tingled at the touch and once again he was reminded of the sensation of the cold steel, ripping into him… it was something that had stuck in his memory, unsurprisingly.

Yukawa shook himself, and with a wince, reached for the ointment he was supposed to apply to the shoulder wound. It was even deeper and more impressive to look at than his first injury; he found himself wondering when he'd be able to take up badminton again and other sports again.

Yukawa tested his arm as he was getting dressed. He couldn't help but curse under his breath. Now that his fingers were finally moving again, the arm refused to work… He found some Aspirin and forced it down his throat. He wasn't very fond of drugging himself with the stuff but he figured it would improve his performance at school. Gritting his teeth and biting back any unnecessary noises he felt the urge to make, he forced his hand through his shirt sleeve. He struggled for several more minutes to get his arm in its sling. And then came the challenge of lacing up his shoes with one hand…

He wasn't quite sure how to explain all this to his students when he arrived half an hour late for class. Yukawa didn't wish for them to know too many details of his personal life, nor did he think they wanted to. Fortunately, Yukawa found that his worrying had been unneeded – he was welcomed with a roar of a greeting from his seminar students and Kuribayashi that could have blown him off his feet. Flowers were stuffed into his good hand and the students paraded him to his desk, on which, to his dismay, there was a far-too-high stack of papers waiting for him. He wondered if they were actually glad to see him or if they were just desperate to get him to mark their reports.

Perhaps both…

Yukawa sat and took a deep breath. He wondered if the sudden light-headedness he felt was to do with the painkillers he'd taken earlier or the notion of the report cards he knew he had to start – and finish – by next week. His shoulder was throbbing dully as his thoughts shifted to Sugiyama, to Utsumi… He found himself imagining what Sugiyama must be thinking right now, sitting in his prison cell, when Kuribayashi's voice cut into his mind.

"Sensei? Are you all right? Are you sure you don't need to lie down or anything?"

Yukawa blinked. "No, I'm fine. Why?"

"Well, you just seemed to be spacing out for a minute there, so we were just concerned…" A student answered this time. When Yukawa finally managed to push the psychopath from his mind's eye he was able to focus on his seminar group, all casting him worried glances from their lab benches.

"I told you, I'm fine." It came out more forcefully than he'd intended, but at least his class left it at that. With an inward sigh, he turned his attention to the papers.

* * *

><p>Utsumi had some free time this afternoon so she resolved to visit Yukawa at Teito. She hadn't had the time to check on him since he'd gone back to work; she wondered what he was up to. He was in the lab, quite alone, when she entered.<p>

"Yukawa-sensei." She called him and he looked up from his computer, acknowledging her entrance with a nod. His arm was in a sling and he seemed to have some trouble typing with his free but bandaged hand. All the same, he looked better.

"Would you like coffee?" Yukawa asked, getting up. Against her better judgment, Utsumi accepted. She hadn't tasted the professor's nasty instant coffee for a while and found that she almost missed it. The tinkering of the spoon against the tin mugs and the bitterness of the brew reminded her sharply of that terrible summer night but she firmly told herself that everything was fine. It was, however, still quite unnerving for Utsumi to see Yukawa in an identical position as that time – leaning back in his chair with a mug, facing the window…

"How are you feeling?" Utsumi ventured first.

"Better," Yukawa answered, still looking out the window. "Though walking is giving me a harder time than it should, still."

"I _distinctly_ remember the doctor telling you that it would be best if you rested at home for a bit longer," Utsumi said.

Yukawa spun in his chair to look at her with a raised eyebrow. "You didn't seriously expect me to take that advice, did you?"

"… no." Utsumi admitted.

"Besides, if I was gone for any longer I wouldn't be surprised if the board fired me for good. I haven't been very productive lately – "

"_I wonder why_." The sarcasm was dripping from her voice. She couldn't help it.

Yukawa retorted, "Well. They can't keep making exceptions, can they? This is a workplace, not an elementary school."

"I'm sure professors at Teito don't usually have psychos breaking into their labs to seriously injure them – but whatever you say, Sensei." Utsumi went back to sipping at her coffee.

"I've been thinking about something Terauchi said to Kusanagi and me when we visited her after… after he took you." Yukawa paused and looked at Utsumi, almost searchingly.

"What was it?"

"She said that he's not selfish. He doesn't do things for himself. What do you make of that?"

Utsumi blinked. "I… I really don't know. She was probably just saying things to cover up for him, because frankly, I don't think that would justify what he did – even if he thought he was doing it for some kind of greater good."

"Mhm." Yukawa just made a thoughtful noise and tilted his head, leaning back in his chair.

"Sensei?"

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing important," he said dismissively.

Utsumi didn't believe him but decided to leave it at that. 'It's still in the hypothesis stage', he'd probably tell her. 'I can't tell you until I prove it'.

But how exactly would he go about doing that? She knew he had something in mind. The only thing she could do was wait, she supposed – wait until the day finally came for Yukawa to confront Sugiyama once more.

That was next week.


	13. Colloquy

**Notes: Our penultimate chapter. Thanks for the reviews (and the praise in them! 3) in the previous chapter, I'm glad you guys liked it :) **Vesperregina**, heh, yeah, I followed your advice for the camera^^ **harunexx**, I didn't re-watch the drama for the sole purpose of writing this, it was to enjoy Fukuyama Masaharu again^^ You give me too much credit! But I have to say, it did help me to refresh myself on the character and his dynamics with Utsumi, although it ends up being quite different in this story.**

**I got inspiration from something I noticed while reading Higashino Keigo's Galileo novels. Unless I'm mistaken, I don't think he ever writes from Yukawa's point of view, which I find quite interesting. You never actually know what he's thinking - it's all things you see through other characters' eyes. I thought this is quite a unique way of portraying a protagonist, distancing him like that from the reader. I'm not saying that I wrote like that, but it was just something I had in mind, and also an interesting tidbit for you guys :)**

**Anyway, this is it... I don't know how to feel about it, as it became longer and a lot more elaborate than I originally intended. I changed some elements of it over and over again, and I don't know if I'll keep it this way, but I just wanted to publish it ASAP!**

**Colloquy**

It was Wednesday morning, nine o'clock. Utsumi had been checking her watch every five minutes, and her palms were sweaty. She supposed that it was because she was going to have to leave Yukawa alone in a room with the man of her nightmares this afternoon. She really hadn't wished to do this, but all the same, she knew Yukawa was starved for answers. But this was only a small part of her concerns... Utsumi dialed Yukawa's number on her cell phone. He picked up almost immediately. "This is Yukawa."

"Sensei, it's me, Utsumi. Where should I pick you up this afternoon? Will the lab be fine?"

There was a pause from Yukawa's end. "Actually, I have classes for most of the day and then I need to drop by the hospital afterwards..."

"The hospital? What for? Is something wrong?" Concern immediately entered her voice.

"No, no. I'm just getting my stitches out, it won't take long. I can see you after that."

"Sensei, there's something I should tell you - "

"I'm sorry, I have to see a student right now; I'll meet you in a few hours." He hung up on her, and Utsumi ground her teeth in frustration. Why didn't he ever listen? She shook her head and this time, phoned Kusanagi.

"Oh, hey, Kaoru."

"I just called Yukawa-sensei about this afternoon..."

"And? Did you tell him?"

"I tried."

"I figured." Kusanagi sighed. "You should go to him a bit earlier, then... I'll go with you."

"Thanks."

"No problem. I'll meet you at Kaizuka."

"Okay," Utsumi said, and snapped her phone shut. She winced; she hadn't really wanted to be the one to have to tell Yukawa about how information of the Sugiyama case had gotten leaked to the media. It looked like he was going to see for himself in a few hours. Utsumi also wasn't looking forward to wrestling with all those aggressive reporters and cameramen... she could only imagine how much Yukawa would hate the attention.

* * *

><p>Yukawa had finished his morning classes and was back in his lab, cramming in one more thesis paper to mark before he had to leave. He gave Kuribayashi instructions for the study period in the afternoon and scribbled some notes on the board, half-hoping his handwriting was becoming more legible. When Yukawa opened the door to the lab, he was immediately met by Utsumi Kaoru and Kusanagi Shunpei. "Utsumi-kun? I thought I told you that I need to drop by the hospital - "<p>

She cut him off. "Sensei, I tried to tell you earlier - "

"Yukawa, we just want to make sure you're not going to be trampled half to death," Kusanagi said matter-of-factly.

"What are you talking about?" Yukawa frowned.

Utsumi said, "Reporters got a whiff of the Sugiyama case. It was impossible to keep it contained in my apartment - my neighbours would be stupid not to realize something had happened next door. Didn't you see anyone on the way to school?"

"No one in particular. Wait, are you saying that I'm going to be assaulted by reporters now?"

Kusanagi just sighed. "You're so thick sometimes, Yukawa. You have _no_ idea."

"We'll escort you to the hospital and then to Kaizuka, Sensei. They won't care whether you're injured or not, in fact, they'll only want to get more pictures and pry harder for a story."

Yukawa rubbed his face with a hand. "This sounds like fun."

Kusanagi guarded his right side while Utsumi led the way. Yukawa steeled himself as they exited the engineering department but nothing could have prepared him for the sheer mayhem that was the reporters. He was blinded by camera flashes the moment they caught sight of him, and microphones were almost shoved right into his mouth as a dozen questions were shouted to him all at once.

"_You're Yukawa Manabu-san, right?_"

"_What are your relations to Sugiyama Kotarou?_"

"_Do you have any idea why you were attacked by Sugiyama?_"

Yukawa ignored them as best as he could. Utsumi was leading him along determinedly, her hand tightly gripping his wrist as she parted the crowd with surprising force. Kusanagi kept the worst of it at bay, but there was only so much he could do against so many aggressive people. Inevitably, bodies bumped into Yukawa's injured shoulder and sent pain shooting through it every time, and the ache in his stomach was becoming more pronounced. By the time they reached the car in the closest parking lot, Yukawa was completely spent from the ordeal. Utsumi pushed him into the back seat, fending off some more cameras as she did so, and climbed into the driver's seat afterwards. Kusanagi slammed the passenger seat door shut.

As soon as Utsumi began to drive, Yukawa noticed the vans begin to give chase. Utsumi finally managed to lose them at a railroad crossing - even the most hardcore reporters couldn't get past a freighter train. Yukawa laid his head back against his seat, and exhaled deeply.

"Are you okay, Yukawa?" Kusanagi twisted around to look at him from the front seat. Yukawa just nodded. Kusanagi added, "I'm sorry for all this. We had to have that press conference earlier last week, although we made sure they didn't name any names - as Utsumi said, it was impossible to keep her neighbours quiet. In fact, I think some of them even saw you and Sugiyama being dragged out of there when we arrived..."

Yukawa shook his head. "No, it's fine. It's not your fault." He still wasn't looking forward to life in the next few weeks, with the media latched onto him like this... He didn't think it would be nearly as bad as the hospital, but he was going to have to see.

Utsumi declared from the steering wheel, "I swear, Sensei, if they keep bothering you, I'm going to find a way to arrest them all. Every single one of them."

* * *

><p>The guards posted outside Sugiyama's cell looked very nervous, and for good reason. He was a terrifying man. Not that he was particularly physically intimidating – he was quite the average Japanese man, slightly built and quite soft-spoken – but the aura that surrounded him made Yuge shiver. He had a calculating, predatory look to him. Well, that was exactly what he was. A predator. Yuge recalled the people that he'd helped to pull out of Terauchi Akiko's basement, all ready to bolt like frightened prey, even just at the sound of their captor's name. He remembered what the 13th laboratory had looked like when he'd come to examine it back in the summer, when Yukawa Manabu was attacked. All the blood and its metallic stench – to Yuge, it had smelled like fear and pain. Utsumi's apartment hadn't been much different, either. It gave him grim satisfaction when he found out that Sugiyama was injured. Utsumi had put a bullet clean through his leg and it was assumed that Yukawa was the one who had dealt the rest of the damage to the killer. Yuge shuddered. From what he'd heard, Yukawa didn't seem like the violent sort. How angry had he been to go that far?<p>

Yuge checked his watch; almost simultaneously he heard the door at the other end of the hallway open. It was Utsumi with Yukawa. Yuge had never seen the scientist properly before, so he got a good look at him as he approached. He was tall, slender and rather good-looking, despite the bruises and cuts that marred his face - it was no wonder Utsumi was always trying to spend time with him, Yuge sighed inwardly. The second thing he noticed was a scar that lined the physicist's cheek that he also remembered seeing on Sugiyama. Something about it chilled Yuge to the bone, and he had to force himself not to stare and give a proper greeting.

"You must be Gali - I mean, Yukawa-sensei. I'm Yuge Shiro, Utsumi's superior."

Yukawa acknowledged him with a nod. "Ah, yes, Detective Yuge. I heard about you from Utsumi-kun."

Yuge glanced at Utsumi, who only shrugged. He looked back to Yukawa and said, "They've already fetched Sugiyama. He's waiting in room 107."

"Thank you. I can find it myself." The last sentence was directed to Utsumi, who just nodded.

As he walked down the hall, Yuge went to Utsumi. "Are you sure you want to leave him alone?"

Her lips were set in a straight line. "He won't have it any other way, and no one can win an argument against him."

"You know, if he loses control..." Yuge scratched his head. "It'll be trouble."

"He won't," Utsumi said, "he won't." But even she didn't look completely sure.

* * *

><p>Sugiyama had spent an utterly boring few weeks in his holding cell. After the initial flurry of interrogations and questioning, the police had left him alone. After all, he'd given everything they needed to prosecute him. He'd had enough amusement to last him the next couple of years, and he wasn't afraid to pay his price for that. The only thing left that he wanted was to have a chat with Yukawa Manabu. Sugiyama wondered if Utsumi Kaoru had passed on his message, but even if she hadn't, Yukawa would still come. He knew that for sure.<p>

Sugiyama was sitting on the edge of his cot, his injured leg stretched out awkwardly. His tray of food was on the floor, its contents all consumed. It was just another regular Wednesday, judging by the chimes signalling lunch break that came from the middle school nearby... he'd noticed that they seemed to serve lunch earlier on Wednesdays. He snorted. Was this what he had to resort to to keep himself occupied these days? When the hell was Yukawa going to show up? Sugiyama was itching to draw conclusions from his experiment, and he couldn't do that until he saw his results.

It was around two o'clock when there was a knock on his cell door. Sugiyama watched it open with a _clunk _and recognized that police detective, Kusanagi Shunpei. The man was looking at him with the utmost repulsion. They locked eyes for a split second. Kusanagi, looking away first, turned to the guard behind him, nodded, and left. The guard came forward, and as Sugiyama watched with raised eyebrows, he pulled him upright.

"Ouch. Watch it, will you?" Sugiyama reached for the crutch that he had leaning against the wall The guard merely gave him a glare and led him out into the hallway by the arm. They went at an uncomfortably fast pace, probably deliberate on the guard's part. Sugiyama was breathing hard by the time they arrived at their destination, another closed door. Inside was a table with two chairs facing each other; Sugiyama was made to sit in one, and left alone soon after.

A smile playing on his lips, Sugiyama waited, his fingers tapping the table as he counted the seconds that were going by. _One, two, three, four, five, six._.. Six hundred seconds later, the door opened.

As Sugiyama had expected, it was Yukawa Manabu who walked in. Sugiyama watched him closely as he came and sat in the chair across from him. The physicist was still carrying himself with extreme care. His arm was obviously completely immobilized by their fateful fight, although that hadn't been Sugiyama's intention. He thought that perhaps he'd gone a little too far with his knife, but then again, at least Yukawa was walking all right.

The physicist's eyes were fixed on him; Sugiyama gave him an awkward wave with his handcuffed hands. "You're finally here. I thought you'd forgotten about me, Yukawa."

"I had other business to attend to," Yukawa replied coolly. He paused, then said, "I have some questions."

Sugiyama grinned. "Do you, now."

"They said that you wouldn't talk to them."

"And why would I talk to them? They have no right to know about something they had absolutely no part in."

"I don't understand why _I_ had a part in your... experiments." Yukawa's voice was completely level and controlled. "Why did you choose me?"

"Before that, you don't have any hard feelings against me, do you, Yukawa?"

Yukawa's jaw clenched visibly. "_Of course_ I have hard feelings." His tone was ice-cold.

"Oh, that's too bad..." Sugiyama chuckled. "Let's see if you change your mind. As for your role in my experiment - it was partly chance," Sugiyama fiddled with his handcuffs on the table, "since I happened to see some light at your window when I was at Teito. I figured that anyone who was in a university at that time of night was going to be... out of the ordinary, let's just say. It wasn't a part of a plan of any kind - I just walked in there, and when I saw your name at your door I immediately remembered hearing about you before." At the look Yukawa gave him, he added, "Yes, I've heard friends mention you here and there - you've got an impressive track record of foiling many of my acquaintances' plans. You're not unknown in the criminal community, you know."

"And not with civilians, either, now." Yukawa said bitterly; at this, Sugiyama smirked.

"I suppose your police friends couldn't protect you from the media further, not after such a big incident?" He took Yukawa's glare as an affirmative response. Yukawa said instead,

"You said it was _partly_ chance." It was not a question, but a statement and almost a command of sorts.

"I did, indeed. Once I got in and successfully had you and Kaoru-chan - whom I wasn't expecting to be there, by the way - immobilized, things got more and more interesting. To be honest, I didn't know what I wanted to do with you. I contemplated leaving you there to bleed to death, or perhaps toying with you further then leaving, or perhaps just killing you then leaving."

"But?" Sugiyama had to marvel at how composed Yukawa was, or seemed, even when discussing something like... this.

"But then," Sugiyama continued, "you proved to be too fascinating to kill off so soon. You didn't show fear - pain, yes, but not fear - not for yourself, anyway. You seemed curiously detached from the woes of your own body."

Yukawa's eyes narrowed. "How would you know that?"

"You have a high pain threshold compared to others, although you may not have known that. I was surprised by how long you managed to hold out for. You allow your mind to have control over your body, not the other way around. But you weren't like those fools who think bearing the pain silently shows off their fortitude - I can always see it in their eyes, their terror. You screamed and screamed, but there was no fear there - no fear of death, nor of being mutilated, no nothing. It's strange to see that in a torture victim... even stranger, the only time I saw that indifference waver was when I mentioned Kaoru-chan. So I wondered what it would take to break you - make you succumb to your irrational human emotions. Could I possibly have hatred consume you entirely? Could I make you feel real rage? What about anguish, or terror? All I had to do was to figure out what your tipping point would be. I chose Kaoru as the key to my plan, obviously. You've never felt that way about anyone before, have you?"

Yukawa didn't answer. Sugiyama tilted his head. It seemed to him that the physicist was quite unsettled. He didn't know how to respond. _Good, good_...

"Never mind that," Sugiyama waved his hand, "Contrary to what you, Shunpei or Kaoru-chan may believe, that wasn't my only goal." Although Yukawa made no movement, Sugiyama could feel all of the physicist's attention focused intensely on him. "To put it simply, I wanted you to experience overwhelming emotions, know what it feels like to be truly human - for your own good."

Yukawa repeated slowly, "My own good."

Sugiyama's eyes wandered to Yukawa's as he tried to read them. "Yes. I, for one, believe that no one can live their life to the fullest when they're pretending to be an emotionless robot."

"Pretending?"

"No can _actually_ be like that, although some may think so... Such as yourself. It takes a tremendous amount of restraint to be in such a mental state all the time... and usually, like for most other phenomena, there's a cause for it." Sugiyama peered closely at Yukawa, looking for a reaction. He thought he saw the faintest flicker in the other man's eyes... "You didn't have the most enjoyable childhood, did you."

There was another long silence. Sugiyama was quite used to those by now, especially when he was dealing with Yukawa Manabu. But, after what seemed like an eternity, Yukawa nodded, slowly. Something in his face told Sugiyama that he'd just touched a still-raw nerve.

* * *

><p>Yukawa felt violated. With no doubt, Sugiyama knew exactly what he was talking about. He saw <em>everything<em>.

No one had ever questioned Yukawa about his childhood before, with the exception of Utsumi Kaoru, who had only jokingly referred to it. He wouldn't be surprised if half the people he knew just subconsciously assumed that Yukawa had skipped that stage of life. And, he wouldn't blame them at all. He'd buried it deep and forced himself to forget it. But in all honesty, he truly didn't remember much from back then. Just the loneliness, and the helpless frustration of being unable to escape it. Who wanted to spend time with him, the child who had a far-too-high IQ and was obsessed only with gathering knowledge? Yukawa had learned far too early on that society wasn't so welcoming to people like himself. His peers deemed him a show-off and freak. He figured he wouldn't have to deal with their taunts and bullying if he stopped interacting with them altogether.

So that was what he did. Minimizing social interactions did wonders for Yukawa's peace of mind. But, every once in a while, he'd still feel that unbearable sense of being completely alone in the world. That eventually faded away as the years went on, as Yukawa became accustomed to his solitary existence. He taught himself to not feel anything unnecessary that could hurt him, or his research. Only his intellect, and that alone, guided his way through life.

Sugiyama was speaking again. "Since you were so curious about my facial scar, let me tell you how I got it. I was in middle school. Like you probably were, Yukawa, I was considered to be quite different from the rest of my peers. Some of them decided they'd had enough of me and wanted to… 'teach me a lesson'." He sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Mind you, my neighbourhood was rough and no one would really notice or care if a little boy came home beaten up. Things like that happened all the time. They cornered me on the way home from school. What they didn't know was that I was far stronger than my skinny frame suggested. A boy came at my face with a knife, God knows where he'd found it. I grabbed the kid and hit him. Over and over again. Before I knew it, his friends had all run away and I was left with the boy's limp body at my feet. I don't know what I'd done to him. I don't recall ever seeing him again.

"That day changed something me. It deepened my hatred towards other people. But after a while, I found that people could actually be quite amusing. Depending on the stimuli you use to provoke them, they give you such delightfully diverse reactions. You pulled away from other humans, tired of being hurt by them all the time. While you did that I embraced them. They're so _fascinating_, Yukawa. You chose physics, a field in which minimal human interaction is required, while I chose psychology, the study of the human mind itself. I love seeing the most basic emotions and impulses at work. I learned of their power, and of their importance to the human existence.

"So you see? We just chose different paths. You and I are more alike than you think."

"Is that why you cut my face?" Yukawa was acutely aware of just how similar they must have looked right now, right down to the sill-healing bruises that adorned both their faces. His arm hurt again so he turned in his chair to change position; as if to bother Yukawa further, Sugiyama shifted his heavily bandaged leg that he'd stuck out to the side.

"Ha, no, that was more on a whim. It was fun to watch you and the police try and uncover its 'hidden meaning' - people love to dramatize everything, don't they? But I suppose that in the end, it'll serve as an excellent constant reminder of everything that happened between us."

Underneath the table, Yukawa's fist clenched. _He treats everything like a game_... Yukawa, not letting his agitation show, just stated, "You're not the emotional type, yourself."

"No. Although I'm quite fascinated by emotions I don't think I actually ever feel them much. I never quite feel alive, so I... _pity_ others like me. Fortunately, we're a rare bunch. Less work for me." He grinned.

"Was I the first one?"

"I wish I could have bestowed you with that honour. No, I've been at it for a while. My favourite pastime became toying with people and seeing extreme emotions at work, after starting smaller with animals..." At Yukawa's disgusted look, Sugiyama just rolled his eyes. "It's really no different from your little adventures in your laboratory. We both do what we do to satisfy our curiosities; the only element that differs is the subject area. You were just lucky enough to be interested in something that doesn't require so-called criminal activities."

To this, Yukawa had no answer.

As if tired of the subject, Sugiyama said, "But when I said that I did what I did for you... you worked that out yourself already, didn't you?"

"Perhaps." Yukawa's expression was unfathomable.

Again, Sugiyama smiled easily, and Yukawa felt a flare of the old anger leap up within him. "You catch on very quickly. Your intellect extends beyond just science and I should commend you for that."

"I don't need your praises." His voice was harsh, even to his own ears, but Sugiyama seemed unfazed, as always.

"You've been an incredibly intriguing test subject, Yukawa. I think my experiment was a success."

"Was your experiment simply to get me to feel?" Yukawa already knew what the answer was going to be - he didn't wait for Sugiyama to reply. He said, almost to himself, "Why would you go so far to achieve something that brings you no benefit?"

Sugiyama pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I suppose I can't explain that rationally, how you normally like things. I act on my instincts, and so far, my instincts have served me well." He looked up at Yukawa, and they held each other's gazes - "But I told you, I pity people like you and me. Not only did introducing you to a natural part of being spice up my life, it'll do the same for yours, in time. Hasn't it already?"

Yukawa, without answering, stood up, indicating that their conversation was over. Sugiyama watched in silence as he went to the door. As he was about to leave the room, Sugiyama asked casually, "Do you love her?"

Yukawa stopped, and turned around at the unexpected question. "I..." He faltered. He tried to form a coherent thought but failed. In truth, he didn't know. He didn't know what it was like to 'love'. He wondered if he'd ever felt it. Perhaps he had, but just hadn't realized it. Either way, it wasn't possible for him to answer this question as of now. Sugiyama probably knew this already.

"Well, you'll find out, sooner or later," Sugiyama said cheerfully, "although you should consider the fact that you very nearly threw away your life for her, despite there having been possible alternatives. You should ask someone - maybe even Kaoru-chan herself - what they think constitutes 'love'. Maybe it'll help you sort your thoughts out."

Those words stayed with Yukawa as he exited and met Utsumi, who was waiting in the hallway outside. He didn't once look back at the room where Sugiyama was sitting. She didn't ask him how it went, or what Sugiyama told him. She looked at him - it was a concerned but not prying expression - and asked,

"Are you all right, Sensei?"

Yukawa nodded. Utsumi asked if he wanted to go out for dinner with her and some of the other Kaizuka staff, but he politely declined.

For once, she didn't nag at him or accuse him of being a pigheaded otaku. This was good, because Yukawa was rather numbed by the fact that the first person to ever fully understand him was a psychopath like Sugiyama Kotarou.

* * *

><p>Utsumi wondered what words had been exchanged between Sugiyama and Yukawa. He still seemed as if he was in the process of digesting whatever he'd heard. She'd been hoping that he would agree to have dinner with them but wasn't at all surprised when he refused.<p>

They walked to the lobby together in silence. Yukawa was obviously distracted, and as he put on his coat at the door, draping it over his bad shoulder, Utsumi offered to drive him home. Again, he declined. "Public transport will be fine. I'm sure journalists won't chase me as far as subways and buses... I'll get into my apartment somehow." She could tell he just wanted to be left alone, and that there would be no use in arguing.

He began to walk away, but stopped abruptly. Without looking at her, Yukawa said, "Utsumi-kun, how would you define 'love'?" He said the word as if it was foreign to him. She raised her eyebrows, thinking she might have misheard, but he just turned to her expectantly.

Still confused, she answered, "I think... I think love is when you care so much about someone that you'd do anything for them. You couldn't imagine living without that person close to you... something along those lines? Why, Sensei?"

Yukawa just shook his head. "It's nothing. I'll see you later."

"Sensei." She stopped him again. He glanced back at her, as if sensing the change of tone of her voice. "Just... just remember that I'll always be here for you. You don't have to keep things from me. This is different from your hypotheses and experiments, Sensei! I know it's hard for you, but it's not a crime to rely on others sometimes. You're not in this by yourself. You never were."

A gust of wind blew some autumn leaves between them. Yukawa's voice was low. "I know. I'm sorry for always having you so worried." He said nothing more. As Utsumi watched his back among the leaves swirling down from the trees, she couldn't help but think that he looked so alone. But, there was a glimmer of hope within her - he'd opened up to her once. Perhaps he would again, even if it took a long while. Utsumi vowed that she would be there by his side when that day came.


	14. Love

I did it! I finished this before 2013! I don't know how many times I rewrote and reworked parts of this chapter, especially the final scene. I apologize for taking, what, two months to finish this. It was really hard, I won't lie, and as usual, there are some parts in the chapter that I don't love. It's also quite a bit longer than the previous chapters, I think. I hope this is an ending that lives up to your expectations (which, I hope, aren't huge).

And here we go!

**Love**

_Two months later_

Kusanagi spotted Yukawa in the gymnasium right away. His lean form in the badminton court was so familiar to Kusanagi, even far past their university days. A natural athlete, Yukawa had a fluid grace whenever he was playing any kind of sport. Kusanagi was honestly surprised at how quickly he was moving – he was still in good form, considering… well, everything. Kusanagi did notice that Yukawa was playing left-handed, but even that seemed to be giving his opponent trouble. The boy opposite of Yukawa was obviously an unseasoned player, judging by his haphazard footwork and weak swings –

Yukawa smashed the shuttlecock. The kid didn't stand a chance. It seemed as though that had been the match point. Yukawa turned around and saw Kusanagi; he shook hands with his opponent and came towards his friend, twirling his racket in his fingers. Kusanagi couldn't help but look immediately to Yukawa's right arm. It was laced with less muscle than it had been previously, probably due to its disuse. Kusanagi wondered if Yukawa was supposed to be playing badminton again already, but figured his friend was a responsible adult and knew what he was doing…

"… are you supposed to be playing already?" Kusanagi asked anyway.

Yukawa frowned, his brow furrowing. The old cut on his face caught Kusanagi's eye. It seemed to stand out even more when he did that... Although it had faded over the past few months, it was still clearly visible - a dark, raised line that was probably destined to attract lots of stares for the rest of his life. "I thought it would be fine if I didn't use my bad arm," he replied, reaching for a towel that was draped over the net and wiping his face with it. "Besides, I need the exercise. Just sitting around won't help me heal any faster."

"You _thought_ it would be okay." Kusanagi raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're not overexerting yourself? I'd really hate to have to ship you off to the hospital again, you know."

"Of course I'm not sure – my field is physics, not medicine," said Yukawa irritably, and took a deep drink from his water bottle, "but I'm willing to take the risk instead of sitting around all day. So have you just come here to nag?"

Kusanagi smirked. "Yeah, pretty much."

"I recall you complaining about not having any spare time last time we talked over the phone."

Kusanagi ignored this. "You've gotten good playing left-handed. You must've been practicing."

Yukawa just shrugged. "I had no choice." Kusanagi saw him glance down at his right arm and flex it, slowly. Kusanagi swallowed; the movement still seemed strained, unnatural. Yukawa raised his eyebrow. "I get that you're busy, then. At the police station."

"Yeah, Central Investigations has far more cases coming in than a regional station like Kaizuka. They're mostly small-scale though, like petty thievery or stalkers."

"Mhm." Yukawa made an absent-minded noise, and while rubbing his hair with the towel, he flicked up stray shuttlecocks with the racket and directed them into a basket nearby, one after the other. He didn't miss a single one. "Sooner or later another big one's going to turn up and I'll have to expect a call from you, I'm sure."

"Probably," Kusanagi said. "So is your research and teaching going all right?"

"Could be better. I'm still waiting for some inspired minds to set foot in my lecture halls and to get concrete results to prove a hypothesis of mine." He looked over at Kusanagi, meeting his eyes for the first time, and asked, "How's she doing?"

Kusanagi held the gaze. "Good. I've been keeping her busy," he answered quietly.

Yukawa nodded, satisfied. He averted his eyes for a moment, then said, "Do you have something else to tell me?"

"What? Oh – er – not really. I just wanted to say hello."

"I see." Yukawa raised his eyebrow, staring fixedly at Kusanagi now.

The detective squirmed a little and said at last, "I… I thought you might want to know…" He took a deep breath. "Sugiyama's been sentenced."

Yukawa didn't say anything right away but Kusanagi could see the shadow come over his face immediately. "And?"

"He's on death row." His heart felt heavy when he said that. Kusanagi wasn't sure whether anyone should ever deserve to die – even if a man had so profoundly hurt his friends and countless others. "Since he'd pleaded guilty, the process didn't take very long… The son of a bitch had a lot of convictions under his belt, more than we could have ever uncovered if he hadn't confessed to us. There was his assault and torture of you, several counts of murder, at least half a dozen kidnappings prior to Kaoru's, not to mention his abuse and killings of animals." He shuddered involuntarily. "He's still not showing any remorse. That combined with his multitude of crimes was enough for a death sentence…"

Yukawa turned around and bent down to pick up his gear. He spoke without turning back to Kusanagi, "I can't believe you told me this in a badminton court."

"Yeah, well, it's not like your lab would have been any more appropriate." Kusanagi couldn't think of anything else to say.

The physicist shook his head. Kusanagi looked at him uneasily; Yukawa slung his racket case over his shoulder and began to walk in the direction of the gym exit so Kusanagi followed. He went down the hall and came to a stop in front of the change room. He turned to Kusanagi and asked, "In a situation like this, should I be feeling happy?"

Kusanagi swallowed. "No, I think no one should feel anything even resembling happiness upon hearing that a fellow human being is going to be executed."

"You've always been so idealistic," Yukawa drank from his bottle again. "I thought that Sugiyama being gone for good would relieve me – us – of a burden, but it's not that way at all." His voice was low.

Kusanagi put a hand on his shoulder. "Yukawa, try not to think about it too much. What's done is done. There's nothing we can do any more, okay?"

Yukawa just nodded. "Thanks for letting me know."

"Yeah, I'll see you later." A deep sigh left Kusanagi as he watched his friend disappear into the changeroom.

* * *

><p>Utsumi, gasping, bolted upright in her bed. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she took a quick glance around, telling herself that she'd only been dreaming. Not that this was the first time. Far from it. The nightmares had started soon after her first encounter with Sugiyama, and although they were much less frequent now, when one struck it always left her shaking.<p>

Kusanagi had urged her to see a counselor. He knew that she was constantly plagued by guilt - it came back to her every time she saw the scar on Yukawa's face. She had no desire to do such a thing, but she did in the end. It had been a while since her last visit. Yukawa, of course, couldn't be convinced to do the same - he even seemed uncomfortable with the notion of a physiotherapist, whom he definitely needed to help his abused body recover its strength.

The clock read five-thirty in the morning. Sighing, Utsumi kicked back her covers and went to the living room; there would be no use in trying to catch more sleep, anyway. Sitting on the couch, she found herself staring into space for several minutes. She wondered what Yukawa was up to these days. She hadn't gotten the chance to contact him for a while; it had been nearly a month now that she thought about it, but her last check-in with him had only been a simple phone call. Both of them had been quite busy, Yukawa especially, since he'd missed over a month of school while he was hospitalized. Utsumi remembered him grumbling about the board of professors the last time they talked. Utsumi herself worked on a string of new cases after Sugiyama's arrest. She had the sneaking suspicion that Kusanagi must have had an influence on her workload. He probably sent more cases to Kaizuka from his spot in the central investigations division. Not that she minded, since it served as a welcome distraction and helped her drive her darker thoughts further back into the recesses of her mind.

Utsumi made herself a cup of tea, and brought it back to the couch. Her hand brushed against some paper that was sitting on the coffee table. She realized that it was a newspaper and wondered why she'd left it there. Frowning, she unfolded it to check its date, and remembered why she hadn't thrown it away. It was from the day after Yukawa had visited Sugiyama. On the front page was a surprisingly intimidating photo of the physicist that a particularly skilled – or tenacious – photographer must have taken. His still-battered face gave him a fearsome impression and it didn't help that his eyes were stone-cold, looking towards the camera in obvious disgust. Utsumi and Kusanagi too were in the frame of the shot; she was honestly surprised at the hostility of her own expression.

Yukawa was exceedingly unhappy that his face had been shown to the world, unsurprisingly. He hadn't told her anything specific but she knew that he must have had at least one run-in with the press. The Sugiyama case was the biggest headline in this half of the year and he was directly in the spotlight of it. Utsumi had no idea how he had avoided giving at least one television interview, but she assumed he had his ways. Most of the greyer areas of the case were speculated on by reporters; it wasn't as if Yukawa was going to spill anything about what he had experienced at the hands of Sugiyama Kotarou to the general public. He hadn't even told Kusanagi some of the details…

Utsumi was thankful that she hadn't been linked to the events, at least not yet. While Yukawa was already somewhat known in the media for his detective work, Utsumi was still an insignificant rookie cop – who would guess that she was Yukawa's closest tie to the police force? She wasn't particularly fond of attention either and the thought of living with the press on her tail filled her with horror.

Absently, she checked her agenda book, which also happened to be on the table. She realized that she had no plans or to-dos today. It only took her a moment's pondering for her to decide what she wanted to do with her spare time.

* * *

><p>Yukawa exhaled deeply and lay back on his pillows, wincing as his shoulder gave another familiar twinge. Lying down seemed to aggravate it (as the doctor had said it would) but it wasn't as if he could sleep sitting up every night. He'd lost far too many hours of sleep because of the accursed wound, but by now he was used to it. When he failed to find a comfortable position to stay in, Yukawa sat up and glanced over at the clock on his bedside stand, which read 3 a.m.<p>

To his right was a bookshelf where the teddy bear Utsumi had given him sat, on top of a thousand-page book on nuclear physics, a particular favourite of his. Looking at the stuffed animal comforted him, although he couldn't say why. He'd learned that there were some things in the world that were better left unquestioned.

He found himself seeing Utsumi's face in his mind's eye as he looked at the bear. He again remembered the last words Sugiyama Kotarou had left him with, asking if Utsumi was a target of his… 'love'.

The only thing Yukawa had confirmed about being in love was that it made people act stupidly… he recalled his admittedly irrational – no, downright foolish – actions on the night he confronted Sugiyama for the final time. Could it possibly be…? The notion of being in love frightened him. It was such an alien concept…

He liked Utsumi, of course. He liked her as a confidant and friend.

He liked Utsumi because she treated him like he was any other human being. Not elevating him to some higher status like some fellow scientists did, not looking at him like some exotic creature like police who knew of him, not mocking him like a large portion of society did. Utsumi Kaoru saw him as a stubborn, boorish and often annoying science otaku, but someone who was equal to her, with his own strengths, weaknesses and failings. Before he'd met her, Yukawa hadn't realized how much he had been craving that sort of 'normal' attention. No one had dared accuse him of being a nerd to his face before; no one had ever commented on how nasty his coffee was or how disarrayed his desk was. Strangely enough, Yukawa had found it almost pleasing.

She provided companionship that someone like Kusanagi or Kuribayashi couldn't rival. She provided him with something that he _needed_.

His thoughts shifted to Sugiyama, the man who had made him first realize that his feelings towards Utsumi were potentially out of the ordinary. Yukawa still couldn't quite grasp the fact that the criminal was to be executed. There was a grim satisfaction in him but also an unpleasant numbness. He'd wanted him to die, hadn't he? He'd wanted to strangle the man with his bare hands, to squeeze the life out of him in the most painful manner possible. Yet knowing that the man was either to be hung or in death row for the rest of his life brought Yukawa no relief. On the contrary, it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He couldn't fully say why. There didn't seem to be anything other than scientific theorems and phenomena that he could explain with ease any more.

* * *

><p>It was a cold December morning with overcast skies. Yukawa was standing by the open lab window, sipping at his regular dosage of caffeine and letting the cold breeze tousle his hair. It was a rare, peaceful moment and he intended to enjoy every second of it.<p>

It was partly due to the fact that the press had finally stopped harassing him. They were more persistent than he would have ever imagined, and it didn't help that he was occasionally recognized by complete strangers as "the victim of the death row psychopath". His face had been plastered on several newspapers, after all. The noticeable scar did nothing to help, to the point that Yukawa almost considered concealing it with makeup. In the end he'd decided that it would be too much of a hassle to go through every morning.

And after all, it wasn't as if hiding his now most distinguishing feature would stop the reporters from trying to disrupt his lectures or barge into his lab seminars. Nothing frustrated him more than having his work interrupted. Yukawa had made sure that campus security was always on hand to force trespassers out until the media finally lost interest in the case.

Even with those stumbling blocks, Yukawa's life back at Teito had resumed a steady if rather hectic rhythm and he was content with it. Today his calendar was looking emptier than usual. It was by pure coincidence, then, that Utsumi happened to call him and ask if she could visit. He replied that it would be fine and worked on a thesis he was looking to submit to a well-known journal as he waited for her.

She came several minutes early. "Sensei! It's me!"

He acknowledged her with a nod and went to make coffee for both of them. "How have you been?"

"Busy, but good. You?"

"Same with me."

Yukawa brought two mugs to the lab bench, the black one and the brown. As he tried to hand Utsumi the brown one, his arm suddenly gave a tremor, seemingly protesting against the movement. Some coffee sloshed over the edge of the mug, dripping onto the table. He set down the mugs and apologized, turning to reach for the paper towels.

"Does it still hurt?" Utsumi asked quietly. Yukawa opened his mouth to tell her not to worry, but instead, closed it again and nodded. He didn't want to lie. She deserved his absolute trust, in the wake of the Sugiyama case. Besides, she already knew that he'd been diagnosed with brachial neuritis, and virtually everything else there was to know about his current medical condition. She'd hung around the hospital far too much.

"It does that sometimes," Yukawa said, rubbing the aching spot.

"Have you been going to therapy properly, Sensei?"

Under Utsumi's authoritative gaze, Yukawa admitted, "I forgot a few appointments here and there."

She sighed. "I figured."

"If you figured, you didn't need to ask." Yukawa feigned annoyance.

"I can't ever win an argument with you, can I?"

"I wouldn't count on it."

Utsumi rolled her eyes but a smile escaped, all the same. "In all seriousness, you should really go to those, Sensei, no matter how much you dislike it. What if it never heals properly? It's been two months already, hasn't it?"

Yukawa, unfazed, continued to keep his eyes on his coffee as he stirred it. "It'll take a while, with or without physio. I'm not young any more, and even a young person wouldn't be able to recover quickly from a traumatic injury like that. Besides, the symptoms of brachial neuritis commonly persist for months." He didn't surgarcoat anything, and the worry was plain in her face. He added, "However, if you insist, I'll book an appointment for next week."

"Good. I'm glad I managed to talk some sense into you." Utsumi nodded in approval. The pair drank their coffee in silence for the next few minutes. Utsumi surprised herself at how used to the stuff she'd become - she was finding it almost tolerable. Another sign that she spent far too much time with this science nerd... "Do you have any plans for the weekend?" She asked idly.

"As a matter of fact, yes." Yukawa said. "I've finally managed to book lodgings at Karuizawa – "

Utsumi's mouth fell open. "The ski resort? You're going to go s_kiing?_"

"Snowboarding, actually," he said nonchalantly.

"Are you _serious_? With your condition – "

"Look – you, Kusanagi, my doctor and the physiotherapist have been keeping me confined in my lab and lecture halls for the past three months, and I think it's been long enough. I'm not going to heal any faster at this rate. Sitting here and letting my body deteriorate is hardly helping, so I'd like a breath of fresh air."

"I understand how you feel, but does it really need to be _mountain_ air?" Utsumi said, exasperated. "Don't you think it's a bit risky to be _snowboarding_? And since when did you know how? You look more like a skier to me."

"I'm not an aggressive boarder at all, and I'm not planning to go on any of the advanced runs anyway. I took lessons in my freshman and sophomore years, and I go to resorts from time to time. And on what basis do you assume that I only ski?" Yukawa shook his head. "That said, my skiing is stronger but using poles with this arm won't be easy…" He sounded so wistful that Utsumi was almost moved. Before she could try to argue, he said, "But never mind that. Utsumi-kun - I've been thinking about this for a long time. In the end, I decided that it would only be right for me to tell you..."

"Tell me what?" Utsumi noticed the shift in tone in his voice right away, and completely forgot about his seemingly rather perilous weekend plans.

Yukawa looked determined. "Everything that happened."

"You mean… Sugiyama?"

He nodded.

Utsumi swallowed. She honestly hadn't expected this day to come, but here she was, sitting in front of him, and she could see the emotions plainly crossing his face. It was a mixture of nervousness, hesitation with a touch of embarrassment.

"Okay."

Taking a deep breath, Yukawa told her everything. He began with what exactly had happened in her apartment, then recounted his conversation with Sugiyama in its entirety. She didn't interrupt him once. When he finished, she sat for a moment, absorbing what he'd just told her, and the significance of the fact that he had. She felt cold inside, despite the coffee she'd just drank.

"Sensei..."

"Utsumi." Yukawa said firmly. "I'm _fine _now. I was just telling you this because... because you have the right to know. You were in there with me when it all happened."

She knew he wasn't lying. He had come to terms with everything, accepted everything… almost. Yukawa was still horribly confused as to what emotions were aroused in him when he thought of Sugiyama, but he convinced himself that he could live with that.

"It's over." After a moment, his eyes flickered up, and he stood suddenly. "I'm going for a walk. Care to join me?"

With that, after going towards the stand and taking his coat from it, he briskly headed for the door. Utsumi finally noticed that Kuribayashi had entered the lab with his arms full of equipment. She followed Yukawa out, acknowledging the bemused lab assistant with a quick nod, and feeling slightly sorry for him at the same time.

Yukawa's so-called walk only lasted a few minutes, thankfully for Utsumi who was having difficulty keeping up with his long strides, more so than usual. He stopped abruptly at a bench overlooking a pond and sat. Without waiting for an invitation, Utsumi took the spot next to him.

"I feel as though the entire world's changed since the summer, somehow – but it's really only me," Yukawa murmured, his eyes fixed on the water. "It's rather strange."

"What's really strange is to hear you being so abstract," Utsumi remarked; when he looked at her questioningly she added, with a grin, "but I don't think it's a bad thing."

"Mhm." He made a thoughtful noise. "I used to find anything that I couldn't express in a mathematical equation frustrating. Ever since I was small, the unquantifiable was something I stayed away from. To be honest, I think it frightened me. I couldn't understand my peers' behaviour at all – why did those stupid children at school always try to fight over their fair share of strawberry milk if it inevitably ended with the confiscation of the prize? Why did the boy who lived next door so often try to fabricate logically impossible lies that were always unveiled in a matter of minutes by his mother or the teacher?" Yukawa shook his head, and smiled bitterly. It almost hurt Utsumi to see it. "I suppose it took me a while to figure out that not everyone thinks like me in this world. For a supposed prodigy, I found it so difficult to grasp that simple fact."

The wind was cold but Yukawa didn't seem to mind today; Utsumi hugged her jacket closer to herself, shivering for more reasons than one. "Sensei - I -"

"I apologize, this is unnecessary." He looked away.

"No… you can tell me whatever you'd like. If I'm going to judge you on something it'll probably be your obsession with trains, not anything like this."

He snorted at that. "I'm still surprised that you came back to my lab after that first laser case."

"Why wouldn't I have?" Utsumi grumbled. "You were always my last resort but after a while I suppose I started to find you more tolerable. It wasn't like Yuge-san and I would have made any progress on any of those cases without your help."

Yukawa chuckled then turned to look at her, his features suddenly solemn. He spoke slowly, unlike how fluently he normally spewed out his facts and equations. "Well, I'm glad you kept returning. Had I stopped my involvement with the police then – had I not become further acquainted with you – Sugiyama would have found me alone in the lab that night and surely left me for dead. There would have been no reason for him to do otherwise. It's at times like this I wonder about the scientific validity of fate." Utsumi had never considered it that way. As those words were sinking in, he added simply, "You've saved my life more than once already, Utsumi-kun."

Utsumi, for her life, couldn't formulate a coherent response to this. The silence, which had merely lasted a few seconds, seemed to stretch and become unbearable. Without thinking, she put her hand on the spot where Sugiyama had put that blade into him that fateful night, as if that would make it disappear. But by now, it was a part of who he was - of who _they_ were. Both of them knew it. She heard his intake of breath and his body stiffened, but she remained still. Moments later, she saw his larger hand reach forward and cover hers, the hesitation evident in its movement – almost as if it hadn't had experience in doing such things before.

Despite its initial awkwardness, the firm weight of his hand on hers felt so reassuring. It was a start, she decided happily, and slowly, she let her head rest at the crook of his neck.

This time, he didn't flinch.

* * *

><p>Yukawa felt as though he now finally understood why humans so often had the compulsion to be physically intimate with each other. Unconsciously, he found his arm moving to wrap around her – it just felt <em>natural<em>. He couldn't explain why he was carrying out this action in any other way.

He was also inexplicably warm. It wasn't a temperature he could have measured in Celsius, Fahrenheit or Kelvin – it was something deeper down than that. He didn't think he could quite put it into words, either. It was just_… so warm_. He found himself wondering if this could be close to what 'love' was. If that was the case, he came to the conclusion that it could possibly be a less ridiculous concept than he had previously conceived.

Then again, that hypothesis would still require a bit of investigation to be confirmed…

Oh, _who_ was he trying to kid?

It was likely that he'd never know the answers to his inquiries about 'love'. But that was fine by him.

* * *

><p>Some time later, her murmured voice floated towards him, as if from a dream – "If you think this is going to let you off the hook for the weekend, think again, Sensei." Her head was against his shoulder and he still had his arm around her.<p>

He said softly, as if to not break the spell, "You're free to join me. The lodge has an extra bed."

"The first and last time I went skiing was in middle school. On my first run, I went right into a tree and knocked myself out. I don't think I went back onto the slopes after that."

"It doesn't seem like there was any permanent damage," Yukawa smirked. "I can teach you."

"I'm sure you can."

"I'll take that as a 'yes', then."

She pulled away from him, puffed out her chest, and in a perfect imitation of him, she huffed, "That's _truly_ illogical of you, jumping to conclusions like that." Then, she added with a mischievous grin, "But I'll think about it, okay?"

He couldn't help it. Despite the fact that he had just been mocked, he found himself smiling genuinely for the first time in a long, long while.

"Okay."

_- End -_

* * *

><p><strong>Last notes:<strong> I wanted to be as medically accurate as I possibly could so I did a little research, which led me to brachial neuritis (which can be caused by traumatic injury to that general area such as gunshot or stab wounds; treatment of it consists of a) Controlling intense pain which can last from a few hours to weeks, and b) regaining use of the arm and shoulder afterwards). I know Yukawa's been through so much crap in this story so I feel a bit bad for making things as horrible as possible for him even after the resolution, but that's just how I roll.

Aaand I finally got to write about my OTP. It felt good. I hope you liked it as well.

On a more general note, thank you for sticking around for this long, despite the long gaps between many updates. This story has spanned over a year, unbelievably. I couldn't have made it this far without the encouragement from you guys (the wonderful followers and reviewers). This is the first long fanfic I've ever completed. The first, guys. You all helped make it happen. Thank you again. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm a bit sad that it had to end so soon but never fear, I'll try to write some more Galileo in the future :) .

Anyways, this is the end of _Illogical_. One last thanks for reading all the way to here. I'd love to hear your final thoughts and comments on the story in reviews (if there are still some of you around, that is – it has been a while). I'm also available to chat through PM or Tumblr whenever you'd like ^^

Peace out :)

~Halad


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